Installment 12

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In the previous installments, I have written and discussed the early events that led to my return to Texas. I also wrote that I did and still believe that God helped me during that time, even orchestrating those events, even though I had difficulty coming to terms with those things.

Before I continue, I want to reveal something more internal and personal. Something happened back in the early days of when I was making known the intentions of my life, which I think was during the last half of 2013. During that time there were some who advised Mary and me about this life. Their advice was to whatever it was that we were going to do, but do it behind closed doors, hiding it, keeping quite.

Their advice sat and sits uncomfortable with me, at least, for two reasons. One, the advice conveys hiding, which insinuates shame. Two, the advice conveys no respect for the woman who would become part of our life. So, I ignore their advice. Yet, words can dig in like a tick.

Truth told there are times I have thought about hiding myself. People actively show displeasure and infuriation when discussing this marital topic. People actively recoil and express their spurning. After experiencing those things, it seems like it would be easier to live it privately. But, that’s not true.

In light of previous negative experiences, when sharing the details of my life I open myself to scrutiny that I would rather not have. But such is life. So why should I hide what has happened? What has happened is important, and those things have affected my life and my marriage.

In sharing, there are moments where I still hesitate, but I am not as intimidated as I used to be. I have learned a profound Biblical truth. It unsettled me. It challenged me. It changed me.

Reflectively, I am more concerned about would happen to my life if I do not pursue the life that those events helped shape. I don’t want the last five years of my life to have been wasted. That is what really bothers me.

Yet all my life, I have been told that the Bible is the guide for the faithful. The marriage I pursue is biblical, as are the experiences of the last five years. So as I continue, in this installment, I want to talk about dreams.

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It is said that everyone dreams, but I am not one who can really say that I remember my dreams. So having dreams that I remember, or recall in minor detail, or dreams that I simply notate, have become things that can be important and insightful.

Mary, however, seems to have always had an active dream life, and recalls dreams almost daily. As for me, over the last five years, I can say that the number of dreams that I have been able to recall have increased, but they are not nearly as many as Mary. And I believe this increase is, in no small part due to, God’s leading. In this installment, I want to share three dreams.

 
On March 28, 2012 I wrote the following in my journal:

Yesterday [March 27], as my alarm woke me up, I realized I was dreaming. I have no idea of the details, all I know is that it had something to do with a wedding dress.

As you can tell, I didn’t have much detail about that dream. In fact, I did not recall any details about that dream. As I wrote in my journal, all I knew is that the dream had something to do with a wedding dress.

During the years since that dream, Mary and I have spoken about that dream several different times. But when that dream occurred, I had absolutely no idea of my coming days. Yet, the subsequent events make the wedding dress amazingly difficult to simply sweep under the proverbial rug.

In my previous installment, I presented that in July 2011 I had thoughts involving 1 + 1 + 1 = 1. Here in March 2010, I had a dream about a wedding dress. Isolated, those two things are inconsequential. When understood in the context of what happens in subsequent months, those two things take on meaning that cannot be dismissed.

 
Here is the second dream I want to share. On July 20, 2012 I wrote the following in my journal:

I had this dream just before Mary left for work, and I told her about it as she was arriving at work.

I was on a used vehicle car lot. Found myself rolling down hill in a mountainous area, reminded me of the types of hills and trees I see in The X-Files from their shooting locations.

I was behind the steering wheel, which was located in/on the front row, directly in the center [of the dash] of the SUV. The front was large enough for a bench seat, but the driver seat was bucket style. The passenger seats were [also bucket style and] angled diagonal [one] to the left and [the other to the] right of the driver seat. I cannot recall if anyone was in the SUV with me.

While behind the wheel, I knew I had the keys, but did not start it, yet found myself rolling down this mountain-style road-highway (2-lane, if memory serves). I found myself rolling down the highway in this SUV, catching up to the traffic in front of me, so I put the keys in the ignition turned on the key, but did not start the engine, so I could steer and apply the brakes, but let up occasionally because I kept getting closer and closer to the traffic in front of me on this two-lane road. I felt like I needed to stay behind them, not pass them, I never lost control [of the SUV] but this situation was startling enough that I prayed, “God help me stop this thing.” and soon found myself on the side of the road, stopped.

Once stopped, I recall thinking in my dream, “Great! Now I’ve got to call the owners and have them help me get back.” …

While stopped, I looked at the truck paperwork. I knew I was in a Ford…. It was a 1972 Ford, “suburban-type” vehicle, lifted, 4X4, stood tall on the road, beefy-style SUV, what I believed was a top-of-the-line for 1972, it definitely had a commanding view of the road.

I was able to look at the original window sticker, I was holding it in my hands, I remember the price being 30,000-something in 1972 dollars, and thinking, “Wow! That’s expensive for 1972.” and the current sales price [being] $10,000. I also remember the color of the ink on the paperwork being blue.

When it first occurred, my journal entry says that Mary was encouraging me about the dream, but I didn’t quite feel so encouraged. Yet, according to my entry, she also had a major critique, talking about me being front and center, needing to have control, and unwilling to share with her or anyone else. My entry offers my counterpoint, I thought it was cool to sit the middle of the SUV and have such a great view of the road.

The dream had much detail and it seems all symbolic. Such are dreams, and when they first occur, we have our initial thoughts. Even those who read it will have their interpretations.

Following the wedding dress dream, I would experience several events that I wanted to ignore and dispel. All of these things had me collide and experience an unraveling of my spiritual training regarding matrimony, as I wrestled with my concepts of marriage.

As I look at that dream with the Ford SUV, the driver area had two open seats, one to the left, with the other to the right. Each seat was equidistant and diagonal from the driver, each seat faced forward just like the driver seat, but set back just a bit, yet beside the driver. I do write My Story knowing (presuming) that readers know the direction of my life, so what I am about to say should come as no surprise.

The vehicle was big enough to fit a family, but in the dream I was the only one. I was in the driver’s seat “controlling” the vehicle. While no one was with me in the dream, it seems to indicate that I would be in a position to lead my family somewhere. In real life, I have two children, but those children are not “co-pilots” (if you will) with me in life.

In light of all the things that happened to me after the wedding dress dream, there is only one way for me to interpret the open seats in the SUV. The seat to my right is for a wife. The seat to my left is for another wife.

 
There is another dream that I’d like to share, which occurred about one year after the Ford SUV dream. But before I share that dream, I want to share something else that occurred.

On the second day of May 2013, I recorded an interesting entry in my journal. Now this particular entry doesn’t record much, and I didn’t provide any details as to why I made it. But it describes something that happened to me.

Calendars show that May 2, 2013 was a Thursday. As I recall this entry, I think it occurred on a day during a time I was resting. In those days, I had many weary work days, tired from working split shifts. When I could, I would drive home, eat, and rest before returning to work.

But during those days, I could be found praying heavily about the circumstance that I had found myself experiencing. Some will speak negatively about what I say. But those who do not understand the complexities and mysteriousness of a spiritual journey take the luxury of their inexperience to speak against that which they cannot comprehend.

As I lay their resting, I prayed asking God to help me understand what was happening to me. What I experienced was impressive, something I had to record. I experienced, not a dream, per se, but a visual painting, if I can call it that. The visual: Mary on my right arm, my other wife on my left, having their arms in mine, we were standing on a porch overlooking a beautiful landscape.

That visual painting, that moment, stayed with me ever since. I prayed asking for help. I was given a beautiful image, but it was unexpected.

These are the types of things that make people uncomfortable. Things like this are easily written off by so many, especially some of my fellow Christians. But, my prayers have always been to God above, not to anyone or anything else. God is my rock, my sovereign. So when these things occurred, I am both honored and thrilled, but find myself trembling, for they speak of things not yet seen or experienced.

 
The last dream for this installment occurred July 6, 2013. The following is what I recorded in my journal:

Mary woke me from a dream asking me, “What are you laughing about?”

The dream, as I remembered it when she woke me. I know it was about me having two wives and they and I are going out to see a movie (out on a date), but it is not they and me, but actors portraying they and me. I am watching more from the point-of-view of the camera. The scene plays out like one from the show Friends.

There are, at least, five people getting ready to leave to go to the movies, banter is taking place, and this scene is inside a lounge area inside a restaurant beside the ocean, they/we are picking up coats, putting them on, and talking about leaving. As we are walking out the door, I tell the guys, the two who would have been a “date” for one of my wives, “Not tonight. We are going on a date.” Telling them to leave it alone, they are not going to play the public role that they had been helping me play. So they turned to each other, they are brothers, twins in fact, and ask each other out on a date. So they tag along with us, but [they] are not part of our date.

As we walk out the door, we walk out into a wharf at night. Upon the hill are several cars with their headlights on. Something happens causing the headlights to die and, at least, one vehicle falls down the hill sliding into the water. The vehicle was a Ford truck, if I remember correctly, its front end and cab slide into the water, far enough into the water to allow the shark that is in the bed of the truck to swim away. I laughed as the shark swam away because of how fast it swam and the trail of bubbles it left on the water. That’s when Mary woke me.

Mary woke me as I laughed in my sleep. I was laughing heartily at the bubbles from that shark as he swam away hurriedly as in “I gotta get outta here!” It was just so funny.

I am not sure what the significance is of this dream having a Ford truck. But I don’t think it has anything to do with my other dream that had a Ford SUV. That is because the two vehicles, while Fords, are completely different. The SUV was a “suburban-type” vehicle and this Ford was a pickup truck.

But this particular dream is about the three of us. The dream insinuates that you and Mary are ready, but were waiting on me. As the dream conveys, I am ready to live a public life with two wives. Others will gasp, faint, and flee, but that is theirs. We simply want to live and enjoy life, being us. Ready to go out, the three of us, to see a movie.

 
To my bride to be, if you’re reading this, I have spent countless hours with Mary discussing our life to be. Our life is incomplete without you. My life, without you, is half full. It has taken me years to get the nerve to walk out into public, but I am ready. Mary is ready. Are you ready?

Let’s go on date.

Blessings and Shalom

2016.02.09

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