Installment 15

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As difficult as the transition from pulpit ministry back to Texas was, when I look back at it, one of faith is hard pressed not to see God being involved in the entire process. I prayed that God would lead me because I thought it wasn’t worth laying down my life for pulpit ministry. I fasted and I was held to that fast. I drew near to God and he revealed a blessing regarding potential non-ministerial work. Mary had been given dreams and leading of her own.

I had trouble believing what was happening. Who wouldn’t? Consider the fact that we, as believers, want God to perform miracles, signs, and wonders. We want it to swoop out of the sky and deliver us to something new.

Truth told, I was too absorbed in my own anguish to pay close attention to all the details. Back then I discounted much and argued against almost all of it. In a sense, I had no real faith in those things because I was taught NOT to have faith in those things.

So, I in this installment I present another dream, what I called: Goofy Gold. On October 3, 2011 I wrote the following in my journal:

While napping in the bus [yes, there were times I drove to a location and had to wait for the students, during some of those times I would take a nap]… I dreamt just before I awoke about being in the house of Mary’s Dad. Not sure which house, but it was Mary’s Dad and she was there in some capacity. [My father-in-law] is known for giving me a hard time, so it did not seem out of the ordinary for her Dad, in my dream, to tell me how he saw some gold dust, gold flake, (“goofy” gold) doing something weird by crawling (moving?) up the wall and coming to rest on my diploma.

For that same entry, I wrote a few thoughts:

I don’t think he meant that the gold crawled like a worm, but that it moved up the wall like a magnet was behind the wall making the gold move.

But it is interesting that [the] gold came to rest on my diploma, problem is I have two. 1) a Bachelors in Computer Information Systems, and 2) a Bachelors in Bible Studies. Which is it? The dream did not specify.

But I am taking it to mean that her dad thought the gold did something goofy by going to my diploma. I think her Dad is representing Jehovah, [I think] gold represents some type of wealth, [I think the] diploma means wealth in my training, but which one. … This dream has got me thinking about events about a week ago or more, I dreamt [about] a symbolic dream matching test….

…Friday night (September 30) at the [Messianic Synagogue], I prayed asking for forgiveness and asked for the Messiah’s portion, which [I felt my spirit was] immediately asked if I could be baptized with the baptism that he was to be baptized with, I paused and [in my spirit of prayer] said, “Not yet, prepare me.” …

This morning, I was praying while waiting for students, part of my prayer was for God to give me His Spirit, to help me read and speak Hebrew [prayed for a few brethren, friends, and family]…. I also prayed that God would open up work for me in ministry, or something, so I could have [a better financial situation]. Then I have a dream about “goofy” gold – fabulous.

As I look back on the prayer, the name I gave it fits, it is ‘goofy gold’. Importantly, the dream did not have the gold resting on either of the diplomas, which might sound insignificant, but I think does have important symbolism. Back then, I thought the dream meant I should choose to work in either secular work (my professional business degree) or in ministry work (my religious degree).

But here in 2016, as I look back, the gold did not land on either diploma, that action of not choosing is significant. “How?” do you say? As of March 2014, I have been primarily a stay-at-home father, helping our children, completing their education, training and transition into their young adulthood. So, it seems, the goofiness of the dream came to be, I found gold not in either of those degree fields. Strange fulfillment, is it not? But I sure wouldn’t change it.

 
Following that dream, I recorded my initial experiences through the Messianic Synagogue. I wrote about the Day of Atonement and the Feast of Tabernacles. I mentioned ideas about the Torah being light, and discussed rolling back the Torah Scroll and the celebration that goes with it, including dancing with the scroll, of which I did.

On October 26, 2011 I recorded the following in my journal:

…after the service, [I] posted this on Facebook:

Tonight was Simchat Torah (Joy of Torah). Part of the night was open to having people hold the scroll and dance with it. Interesting. I was an observer for most of the event, then one of the Messianic Rabbi’s encouraged me to dance with the scroll to receive a blessing. I did everything I could to hesitate and not get noticed, but alas, I was given the scroll. At that point, there is nothing to do, but dance with the scroll.

I am not sure when, but one of my minister friends added me to a group of ministers on Facebook. Yet, some months later, I somehow lost contact with that group. But before I lost contact with that group, I wrote in my journal that I told the group of ministers the following:

Ok. I got one for the group. I have been visiting a Messianic Jewish Synagogue. This is an assembling of believers in Jesus, who come from Hasidic and Orthodox Jewish backgrounds (Judaism, if one will). We have observed Yom Kippur [Day of Atonement], Sukkot (Feast of Tabernacles) and the rolling back of the scroll to Genesis [Simchat Torah].

Last night was a celebration night about the Torah. Each person was encouraged to hold the scroll and dance with the Torah. It is the one night of the year that any believer is allowed to hold the sacred scroll. We observed the celebration, but my training (cofc) has taught me to shy away from everything “tradition” and last night was a festival of tradition from lifting a new bride and groom on chairs wishing them “mazel tov” to Torah reverence, from rolling back the scroll to dancing with the scroll.

But the kicker for me, was when one of the associate [Messianic] Rabbis took me by the hand, led me to the men’s circle and had me dance with the scroll. Amazing that I let him lead me, but more amazing that I did it. Afterwards, I said to him, “Like Peter said to Yeshua, ‘Because you ask, I do.’ ”

The Torah is sacred to the Jews, the chant is: Torah is light. They do not see Jesus and Torah as separate, but complete union. As such, the associate Rabbi said last night that dancing with the scroll is like preparing yourself to dance with your groom, Yeshua. Also, the associate Rabbi told me that dancing with the scroll is done in order to bring blessings to me and my family.

But it is the final thought of my journal about this event that I feel is most revealing. I wrote in my journal:

I was conversing with my bus assistant and she ended up on the topic of Halloween, and somewhere in the conversation about Halloween she said some people would rather dance with the devil than dance with God. …I found her statement uncannily poignant considering I “danced” with God last Sabbath when I danced with the Torah scroll.

The event does not seem to be anything that needs to be repented of, but I do wonder what it means for me that I danced with God and by extension, with Yeshua. Should have I danced longer? Will we dance again? I am uncertain, but the more I reflect on the event the more pleased I become knowing what I did.

Blessings and Shalom

2016.02.12

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