Installment 53

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Want to share a highlight of a note that I made back on June 17, 2013. After mediating on something I had observed and given myself to prayer, I recorded in my journal: Love is irrational. That may not be groundbreaking for my reader, but at that moment, that statement -love is irrational- cleared the fog in my being.

Love is a profound thing. But we, as people, as believers, tend to categorize everything, even love. We define love. We identify love. Therefore we classify and categorize love. We, therefore, rationalize and make logical that which is intangible with reason.

It might as well be said that:
Love is illogical
Love is unreasonable
Love is ridiculous
Love is foolish.

When it comes to love, reason -the mind- does not understand love, which is a matter of the heart. Therefore to the mind, the heart becomes illogical, unreasonable, ridiculous, and foolish. And you want to know something, sometimes, perhaps many times, love is that very thing. Love, to the rationalist, makes no sense.

But with God, we should seek him with our heart, not just our mind. Sometimes, perhaps many times, our love for God is illogical, unreasonable, ridiculous, and foolish. So why would love manifested among humanity be different?

Don’t take my thoughts beyond what they are. Love simply is illogical. Therefore to reason and rationale, love is unreasonable and ridiculous. Once we accept that love is foolishness to the mind, then perhaps we can open ourselves up to the reality that God is love.

In the scope of a marriage of a man with two wives, no one cares that a father has fatherly love for all of his children. By that I mean, no one really tries to tell a man to father only one child and dote all his love on that one child. That idea is as ridiculous as it is foolish.

Yet, we tell ourselves that the rational thing is that a man can only love one woman, conveying the idea that it is impossible for a man to dote his love on all his wives. Now, by that, I am not saying that a marriage of multiple-wives is for every male, it’s not.

I see the history of humanity. Some men don’t even make it out of their childhood, or their teens, or their twenties. And some men can’t even fulfill the responsibilities of husband and father. Like everything, there are notable examples of monogamous men. But they are the few, not the many.

I am simply saying that love is irrational, many, many people marry each other out of irrational love for each other. That is true, time and again. But no one seems to care.

However, through many factors, monogamy has become the dominant marital paradigm. There are many who will offer their reasons as to why. I simply point to the Scriptures and identify that other than a couple of notable exceptions (e.g. a mother and her daughter, or a marriage with sisters), God permitted polygamy.

That simply means that when grown adults develop love for one another and that type of love is evidenced in the Bible, and God permitted that marriage, then it is permissible, even when it looks foolish to everyone else.

– – –

On June 21, 2013, I have a journal entry about a prayer that I had. I recorded, not the prayer itself, but the outcome of the prayer. My entry says that I awoke that morning not feeling well about our finances, so I prayed about it and that prayer let me know that I had to set aside my ego, and that I had to talk with Mary. I didn’t record much else, so my assumption is that in talking with Mary about everything, even the things that unsettle me, then I am setting aside my ego.

Another thing I found of special interest was about my hair. During that prayer, the Divine inquired if I wanted to cut my hair. The response that I recorded in my journal was “No. If cutting my hair means not doing what you say, then no.” In other words, if cutting my hair symbolizes a type of rebellion, then no, I will wear my hair longer, showing my willingness to follow the Divine’s lead.

Importantly, I was also led to fast that day. I did. I had a misstep early, but finished the day having fasted.

– – –

The next day, I spent some time in interactive prayer. In my journal, I wrote that the Divine said:

You are to follow my ways today, everyday. You are capable of this. You think you cannot but you can. My ways are easy, yet hard.

The prayer went on to discuss living in such a manner demonstrating that I follow God’s ways, living by his light. Later, the Divine communicated the following:

Your new life, as you have suspected, is one of servitude. Servitude is lowly, it is humble, it is the lowest position – in man’s eyes, but in my eyes, it is the greatest position. While it is true, the servant is spit upon and derided, I serve humanity, and I know what it’s like to be spit upon and derided, so did Jesus. Servitude is the greatest challenge because it truly requires you setting aside your ego, your human desire for human justice.

Let me tell you, that is difficult. Servitude. Believers should all accept that Jesus was called the “suffering servant” but few, very few, Christians want to follow in that specific aspect of being a disciple.

I don’t think it is so much about suffering, because we all suffer, and we suffer in greater amounts at given times. So I don’t think it is about suffering.

I think it is about servitude. It’s all fine and good that Jesus was a servant, but most of us believers view servitude as contemptible, an action beneath us. I suppose that is our nature, after all Genesis tells us that we can have dominion over the entire planet. Dominion is power, authority, and control, the ability to command and have dominance.

The very notion of servitude of Jesus challenges the dominion of Genesis. It’s no wonder that we struggle. Yet Jesus makes it clear that the best leader is one who serves.

The other thing that makes it so difficult is the concept of justice. As far as I know, I have not yet met a person or read about a culture that does seek justice. Justice is about putting right that which was wronged. Yet, God is NOT without justice. But God approaches justice much different than humanity, and that makes it quite difficult to appreciate God’s approach to justice.

That very night, at worship, during praise and worship, I gave myself over to prayer. This time my prayer was not interactive. Instead, it was placing my supplications before God, bringing to God things about my life.

I prayed:
Father, I ask you to protect my family, protect my wives, my children, protect me. Keep Mary dedicated to this path; guide “Kitty” to this path; this which you have determined for all of us before we were even born. Guide my children into their adulthood, teach them to fear you, teach them your ways, give to them good families, families that will be amenable to my family and this path. Please grant more children, and help me provide a good nurturing home, filled with peace and love.

Father, I need your help. Please deliver me from this financial burden. I need more than 3500 dollars. I can scrape up some of it, as you have seen me calculate, but I want to see you deliver me from the yoke, please give my family a miracle. We made the first payment, as we believe you instructed, but they need, the bank needs the money within three more payments, please provide that money, give us the ability to make this happen, not by our hands, but your power.

Please bring peace to my parents, and Mary’s parents, and “Kitty’s” parents, and peace to everyone’s family. Please open their eyes to your truth that we are following you, and will follow you.

Please provide Mary the gifts and talents she needs to bring glory to your name, and Jesus your Anointed, our Messiah. Grant, in your great kindness, the promises you gave to Mary my wife. Permit her to bear more children, to feel youthful, to experience joy in this new marriage, union and unity unparalleled, may she come to love her new covenant, and never lament the loss of this old covenant.

Please provide “Kitty” peace in her struggles, deliver her out of her dark place, send her a true messenger, speaking your truth not a version of man’s interpreted truth, gently bring her to that new reality, I know you will as you have with us and been patient with Mary and me. Provide guidance to “Kitty,” let her know I will love her and do love her, and will sacrifice for her, lead her to me, grant us union in marriage, grant us children, allow us to be unashamed, living together, strengthening each other, living for your glory, faithful to you, faithful to Messiah, faithful to this unique and special covenant.

Please provide and grant union with Mary, may she be unashamed, living together, strengthening each other, living for your glory, faithful to you, faithful to Messiah, faithful to this unique and special covenant.

Tie the three of us together as one. Grant us supreme awareness of love, spiritual union before you and with you in Messiah. Grant us the ability to be servants that appropriately and beautifully demonstrate the beauty of Messiah and his bride the Jewish and Gentile assembly, gathered as one. May you grant us the ability to love each other above measure, the beautiful love of husband and wife, family, the precious bond, tie us together with compassion, mercy, grace, instruction in righteousness, defend us from our enemies, deliver us from evil, grant us the ability to be open, honest, always truthful, yet having concern for the feelings of each other and the entire family. Grant us the ability, grant us the knowledge, grant us the wisdom to heal and repair rifts, work through us to tear down barriers to this truth of polygyny, grant that through us others will see this truth and this beauty that has been hidden for centuries by misunderstanding, give us the strength to remain faithful in this course, unwavering in our commitment to you, to this calling, protect us always. Through us tear down walls of bigotry, grant us the ability to feel the depths of hurt, honest hurt, but keep us from the pain of false accusations, libel, and malicious attacks. Yes, those things will be spoken, attacks made on our character, on our morality, on our eternal destiny, but assure us that those accusations and attacks are falsehoods and may those things intended as barbs, fiery darts, stings of ugliness never affect us or cause us to waver in our faithfulness to you.

Grant us the ability to grow in love for you, to grow in knowledge of you, grow in dedication to you. Bless this request and supplication in Jesus’ name.

I wrote that prayer by hand during worship. There are many things in that prayer. Some have come to pass, like the finances, and God’s continuous protection. Other things are in the making, like my children maturing into adulthood.

Other things, like a new marriage with two wives has yet to come to pass, but I can’t say that I was even onboard having a heart for two wives until January of this year, so…? That is why I find it interesting the manner in which I prayed for the other lady. Yet, there I was praying for her, long before my heart was completely in it.

I also found it interesting and intriguing that I referred to this other lady as “Kitty”. I did so because of a prayer. On June 15, 2013, when I had prayed that God would give me wisdom to walk this path (something I mentioned in the previous Installment), I also told God that I want to appreciate, understand and receive the love of two women, one of them being my wife, Mary.

That is why I find it interesting that on June 15, during that prayer where I said I want to know the love of two women, is when the Divine said:


That is the source for the reference of “Kitty”.

As of today, my prayer is the following:
Father, please reveal who “Kitty” is. I ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Blessings and Shalom