Installment 59

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The previous Installment, I discussed the day that I learned something important to my heart. I closed that Installment by saying that I spent that afternoon talking with Mary and that the event had ripped me emotionally.

The same day that event happened, I later found myself in interactive prayer. I wrote in my journal that I prayed “because I want to, had a weird day, hoping to have things revealed to me.”

I began my prayer: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who takes the time to reveal mysteries to his creation.

Unexpectedly, that prayer challenged me in additional ways beyond the events during the earlier part of the day. Yet, in that interactive prayer, the Divine did provide some insight into the mysteriousness of femininity. The Divine said:

A woman’s heart is vast, like an ocean, it has currents, it moves, streams, tumbles like the wave. Some would call it unstable. Unstable it is not. It is my design. There is beauty in that ‘chaos’ that ‘chaos’ brings life. The waves bring oxygen, air into the water, the streams of water in the water, make the water flow from one part to another bringing life and air. Yet it seems unstable. And like the water is shapeless, so is a woman’s heart, here, there – not tossed about per se, but tossed nonetheless, not unstable, yet stable, living, breathing, moving, capable of great swells and great troughs.

To most men, of which I am one, women are a mystery. To refer to women as beautiful becomes superficial, but beauty is what women are, just as the ocean is beautiful, which is the comparative for the above. That is a massive picture about the beautiful, intrinsic bounty that sets within the heart of a woman.

More could probably be said, but anything I add seems to fail. So I will not add to that powerful portrait, except to say that the Divine continued by saying:

The only one appreciative of the woman’s heart is the sailor who sails upon her sea, for he thinks himself her master, yet he is her servant, for he can only progress as much as she is willing to let him. He may find himself fighting the sea, fighting is not in his interest for he may lose his ship. Learning the sea is his best hope, but praying to me, the one who controls the sea, then, and only then, will he find himself in harmony with the sea. Do you understand?

I can think of no better analogy than that.

I notice that the Divine used the word ‘servant’ to describe the sailor. The sailor, in no way, can master the ocean, for the ocean is too vast and too powerful. Some refer to this as being: at the mercy of the sea.

However, that does not seem to be keeping with the analogy. The sailor must accept that they have less power than the vast power of the ocean, yet the sailor wants the bounty of that ocean. To receive the ocean’s bounty, the sailor must serve the ocean. This is done when the sailor appreciates the overwhelming power of the ocean, yet sails the ocean anyway, knowing that when they, as sailor, remain aware of this, the sailor learns to read the ocean and work with the ocean to receive its bounty.

However, the wisest sailor is the one who prays, asking God to calm the ocean for smooth sailing, allowing the sailor to be in harmony with the ocean, where they work as one, the ocean provides her gifts willingly and beautifully to the sailor.

This is not a picture of a sailor praying to and begging the sea for harmony. This is a picture of a sailor knowing that the sea can provide tremendous swells of energy, yet the sailor submits himself to God praying for God to control the sea, then the sailor finds harmony with the sea.

For me, there could be no better picture of the struggle between man and woman than what the Divine has presented – the mysteriousness of the masculine and the feminine portrayed against the struggles of a sailor upon the ocean.

Even though I was challenged by that interactive prayer, I was also quite grateful for the help in understanding a mystery of life. But that didn’t change the emotional reality for me regarding Texas.

On July 30, 2014, the following is some of what I wrote in my journal:

Again, I had a difficult time going to sleep, second or third night in a row. It has almost everything to do with Sunday’s information about China…. Knew the Divine was interacting with me heavily challenging me on my presumptions. One of the things I told Mary last night, she wrote down, “Labels are used by people to create strife.” …

The whole entire [thought process]: move beyond your judgmentalism, love the people, … love the soul, unconditionally. After interacting with Abba for I don’t know how long, he boiled it down to one statement that hit hard on me, “One people want slavery. One people want freedom.” … Then it hit me, “Your heart’s in China.” Freedom?

…I was also [led to understand that I need] to obtain a copy of the Gospel of Thomas.

As my reader can see, I was really struggling with the whole concept of my heart being in China. I wasn’t raised to fear China. But all my life I have heard negative things about China. Yet, others like China.

When I look at China, it’s H U G E, I mean geographically, look at the real estate. Lots of people. Cities that measure in the millions, and I think San Antonio is crowded.

But more than anything, I am a foreigner to a people, an outsider, one who knows nothing about them having no functional knowledge of who they are and why they do what they do. That deficiency is enough to throw any person into a position of doubt.

But one thing is certain, the Divine was definitely challenging me on my presumptions, having to accept that people use labels to create strife, and that I had to move beyond my minimal understanding. That doesn’t insinuate that I was interpreting the U.S. as superior, because I don’t, but I had a tremendous fondness for Texas that nothing could surpass, that was until the Divine confronted me.

The most striking thing was the statement about freedom. I am not certain to what it actually refers, if anything. However, the symbology is tremendous – remaining where I was meant little in the way of freedom for me as a person and family, but opening up to a new reality meant more freedom.

When one likes and/or loves where they are, opening up to new possibilities can sometimes prove difficult. Is it any wonder that the ensuing years have been about me opening up to new possibilities?

The other thing that interactive prayer led me to was the Gospel of Thomas. Since then, I have acquired a digital copy, have read through it, and have opened up myself to researching China and beginning to learn Mandarin, some of which I will be sharing.

But before I opened my heart to China, my heart was only for Texas. I wrestled and wrestled, created much anguish for myself, destroying the heart he told me that I had for China.

On July 31, 2013, in an interactive prayer I began by saying: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who is gracious enough to give back that which is lost. The Divine responded asking:

Lost something?

I answered in the affirmative and continued giving myself over into the prayer. So one of the things that surprised me most is that after I was helped to find that which was lost, the Divine said:

Dream of China.

I took that to mean that China was to fill my thoughts. It was difficult for me to let China fill my thoughts. Importantly, it was a personal confidant who encouraged me to pray that God would give me a heart for China. I am not sure why that had not occurred to me, but it didn’t.

With that in mind, let me share an entry from August 2, 2013. In my journal I wrote:

Last night as I was going to sleep, I was praying for God to give me a heart for China. He told me I had to do something first. So I asked what it was. Before I was told what to do, he said, “The Chinese are my people. The Americans are my people. The Russians are my people.” Then he said, “Say, ‘I love the people of China.’” I responded by saying, “I love your people. I love the Chinese people.” Then he told me that I would have the heart when I awoke. Does that mean, when I physically awake? Or when I spiritually awake? Or both? I ask because this morning I am not sure if I have it, but I trust that it is there.

Powerful, is it not, to be directly told so much and then to personally proclaim one’s love for a people?

In a way, I think doing such helps give one a heart for China, because shortly thereafter, I began acquiring books and information to help me begin to see more of China. One of those things that I purchased was found less than two weeks after that prayer.

What I found, intriguingly enough, was a book entitled: Dreaming in Chinese. It is a book written by a lady regarding her stay in China, learning the language and the culture. It was a fascinating read. And one that in some instances gave me great pause.

But as I look back at those moments, is it not fascinating that I was told “Dream of China” and I found a book entitled: Dreaming in Chinese?

I am not sure of the order of acquisition, but lots of books became part of my library, all involving and revolving around China. One of the books was a gift, from a close friend. They gave me a copy of the Pentateuch (Five Books of Moses) translated into Chinese.

For me, regarding China, things changed. And those changes cannot be seen any place more profound that in my prayer life. Here is part of my interactive prayer from August 2, 2013:

I began: Blessed are you Jehovah God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who gives to his children a place to call home. The Divine responded, in part, saying:

Today is a special day…. Take this time to prepare, for your time is short, brief, make haste but don’t hurry.

As you suspected, you have to find community, observe, learn, drink in, before your work begins. You know the importance of culture, culture is what I want you to learn. … Yet you are to acclimate to their life, I will make this possible, blend, enjoy, but be and remain different, unique, and you will be blessed. Remember tend, don’t forget to tend….

Sometimes during my prayers, things simply fall silent. In moments like these, I have been known to offer another blessing. In that particular prayer, silence presented itself, and I responded by saying: Blessed are you Jehovah God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who shows the paths of direction. The Divine responded saying:

You are to take minimal with you, but you do not have to rid yourself of all possessions. I will help you know what to take, [but] everything does not need prayerful verification when you live in the Spirit, because the Spirit does not misguide, it always brings about righteousness and righteous choices.

That is important to know, not just from a physical standpoint, but from a spiritual standpoint. The Divine solidified that when walking and living in the Spirit, that being the Holy Spirit, the Spirit cannot misguide because the Spirit is righteousness.

The Divine continued:

You will be living a complete new life, an immigrant of sorts… make provisions for an extended stay, it is your home. Embrace the people, I will give to you those that will help you, you are not alone. A ‘missionary’ you are not…. Take your time, breathe, visit, don’t get excited [anxious] about it being foreign, you will do well. It is new, … so be patient with yourself and your family. In time, it will feel like home. Travel safe, travel prepared, travel ready, and I will always lead you in the right and proper direction.

That was general information about what I can expect my new life to entail. I am not certain when it will arrive, I simply in my heart expect this to transpire. But I did have a question. I asked: Am I to learn Mandarin here in the [United] States?

The Divine answered:

Your time is limited, learn what you can, but most will be learned over seas, fear not for I am with you even in learning language. Think of it as an adventure, you may be surprised that your biblical lingual skills will become so widely used.

The phrase “Biblical lingual skills” doesn’t necessarily indicate that I would be sharing the Bible. Perhaps the phrase indicates that the skills I had learned to become familiar with the languages of the Scriptures are something that would help me learn Mandarin.

As important as that prayer was, I would have at least one more. On August 6, 2013, I wrote in my journal:

While driving home from work, I was told to Prayer Journal. I was to wash, anoint, and pray without clothing, under the tallit. I anointed my forehead yhvh, I was told to anoint my lips, my hands (I anointed the back of each hand), and to anoint my ears (as I touched my right ear lobe, I was told “ears” so I put oil just inside each ear).

Something that stands out as important is that in my journal I made note that I was praying while experiencing a tremendous headache, one of those were you just want to lie down and hide because it hurts so bad.

I pushed on, but this time I did not give a blessing. Instead the Divine simply began:

Very good. You did as instructed. Life is, believe it or not, about instructions. My instructions are best, but they are not always followed as evidenced by human choice, it is a choice to follow my instructions, the choice is, will always be, yours.

I am taking that “very good” correlates to me doing the steps prior to the interactive prayer. But what an important reality, right up front, about directions. The Divine continued:

Today marks a new day. It is time for you to be ready. Life is waiting. Your new life awaits.

Beginning with that day, things were to change. Recall that the Divine said that things would begin afresh after July 25, this prayer seems to be very much in that direction.

The Divine said it was time for me to be ready. The Divine did not say I was ready, but for me to be ready. Looking back on that, I have to say that the years from that day to this have been about getting ready.

But it is what comes next that is most intriguing. The Divine continued:

You are needed in a far away land, as you have seen, as I have told you. The people are wary, wary of outsiders, because they cherish community and heritage, family is a key component, never forget that, it [family] is what makes life work.

Why am I needed? I have no clue. It could be that I need to be there, not as much as they need me to be there. I hope that makes sense.

But it is the concept of family, community, and heritage that stand out the most. The Divine continued:

You are to be family, family first, you represent me, but as I have said, take it slow, this place is not the United States, while it [China] appears to move fast, it doesn’t, don’t let the big cities fool you, the culture, the people are reluctant to change, but they value that which is true, and family is true.

The part of upfront about me being family is the thing I can most verify. Family is my priority, and through my family, I represent the beauty of the Divine.

As for the information about China, I take it on faith that that represents a core truth.

The quantity of information from this interactive prayer cannot adequately reveal the degree to which I was in pain from my pounding headache. It took everything I had to focus.

For sake of space, I refrain from my intermingled commentary and provide more of the prayer. The Divine continued:

You and your wives and your family minister by being family, preaching is valid, but preaching misses the heart, the soul, of these people, they cherish their elders, family traditions, family coalescence, family cohesion, family honor is most valued. They look for truth, but search for truth much different than you’ve experienced, truth matters, truth always matters, but don’t take, don’t assume, your westernized training and logic work; they won’t that’s why I’m telling you to learn. They use logic and reason, but it is different than yours, don’t undo your training, remain firm always exercising your training, but learn this style [of reasoning], then you will be able to communicate and bridge two divides.

Have heart, have desire, to learn their ways. Sometimes learning will not be easy, but with me it can be done, don’t think your degrees matter, because they don’t, not really, recognition is valued; demonstration is most valued, learn precision of delivery, that precision shows how much you value the training. You use precision already, it is nothing new or unexpected, just used in a different application. You will find that the people will open up to you on a variety of topics, some very personal, but trust and integrity are key, not flash and dance.

Always meditate on me, about me, and the ancient ways, ancient ways are valued, the people adapt to include new modern devices, but they treasure and their treasure is in ancient ways, to lose them [the ancient ways] is to lose identity, identity should not be lost. …

A family you are to make, you have family already, an American family, but now I’m talking about making an Asian family, it thinks different, walks different, behaves different, values different things. It is holy and good, but different. Learn these things, become these things, by doing so you will share news about me and Messiah in ways missionaries could only dream.

Life is not unpleasant for them, life has meaning, just meaning in a different way. They value life, but measure value differently. Life is not always seen in glitz and glamour, but substance, you return to the system. Not a ‘system’ the way the west considers system, but a contribution and betterment for the collective well being of all involved. This provides a scope and grandeur almost unheard of in the modern west. It has value, as you will see, witness.

Work ethic is different. Longer hours, harder work, in some respects, but family matters. Slow down, stress is not really desired, by them or you, resolution to stress is a key component to healthy living, illness and disease reflect upon one’s spiritual condition. Remain healthy, [to] remain vibrant is to remain vital to one’s influence.

That’s all for today. Blessings my son. Amen.

I responded: Thank you father. I appreciate this.

The Divine answered:

You’re welcome.

There is so much information provided in this one moment that, for me, it boggles my mind. But nonetheless, there it is. The Divine’s initial preparations of my thoughts and spirit for something that I and my family are to do.

There is more that I learned about China, and more that I did during the months that followed July and August 2013. I will share some of those things.

But to get there from here, meaning today, I have to cross the seas. I pray: Father, I ask you to prepare the oceans and give them calmness. I ask you Father to assemble my family, reveal the lady that I am to take as wife and prepare all three of us for the direction you are leading. Amen.

Blessings and Shalom