Installment 63

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On August 17, 2013 we attended worship. During praise time and worship, I spent time in interactive prayer. I began my prayer with “Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who gives occupation [employment] to those who seek.” The Divine responded:

My son. I am yours. You are mine. Together we work, for this is a family business, not business for profit … I am yours, your employer… I am your boss, go where I tell you, say what I tell you, work as I tell you, and you will never be without. I will provide the mechanism for your income, none of mine go without income adequate and sufficient to the task at hand, for your inheritance is of me, I give before my death because I cannot die….

For me, I have never really looked at what I do for the Divine as “work” but I suppose, in a sense, it is work. Not that laborers in his Kingdom are awarded things like a paycheck because they are doing His work, but because as a father, the Divine shares of his house. I hope that makes some sense. But to have it communicated so clearly is as intriguing as much as it stays in harmony with my blessing towards the Divine. Then the Divine conveyed things about living a life of peace and being a savory influence to the things around me.

Later, the Divine added:

Life is about to change. …but my timing for that [change] is not yet, but fastly approaching. …focus on the task at hand, preparation, once that preparation is complete, off we go…, but that time is not yet here, you are prepping for the time… to a new land, a new life, a whole new you, family forever new, all things made new, glorious it will be, joy you will feel, a happiness [previously] unknown to you and your wives, but it will be known shortly and it will fill you, and fill them, and all of you will be so amazed, amazed at the love I give, and the love you have for each other.

I am still in the same physical location as I was three years ago, but, without doubt I can say that my emotional and spiritual life has changed over the course of the last three years. Yet, I can see how the last few years have been a type of preparation.

The latter part of that section has not arrived, I am still in a marriage with one wife, and we have not moved from this area. So, when I see this, I feel there is only one way to see it – something that my future days will experience. When? According to what I shared in the previous Installment(LINK), when the Divine’s time is perfect.

Later in the prayer, I asked “Can you give me some guidance on what to do?” The Divine responded:

I have, like the Suburban, prep it, sell it, and do so this weekend. Like the Suburban, I will inform as the time arrives. Like the Suburban, you do not always have to pray to know, because you walk in the Spirit, you sense, you feel what you should do, pray for verification….

With this, it is a good time to discuss the Suburban. It was a vehicle that Mary and I purchased back, I think, in 2007. We kept in until it sold in 2013.

As for selling the Suburban, following a discussion with someone back about August 03, 2013, I began having the inclination that the Suburban was to be sold. I just did not know when.

During a prayer the next night, I was led to understand that I should begin the process in order to sell the Suburban. To do that I had to do the typical things, wash it, clean it, prep it. That part of the process took about ten days.

But, if you notice, it began via a conversation I had with someone. Then that conversation was verified via prayer. I acted upon it and then had the above happen in another prayer, this time giving me a specific time marker.

I finished whatever else needed to be done. Took some pictures of it. Then put it up for sale on August 22, 2013. And recorded this prayer into my journal of that same date: “Please Father, I ask you in the name of Yeshua, please sell the Suburban and sell it at the asking price.”

The Suburban was sold August 27, 2013 to another believer. The sales price was short of my asking price by only $450.00. For me, it is interesting that the buyer and I both interpreted the event as being orchestrated by the Divine.

The date of that sale is when I made my journal entry about the sale. In my journal, I recorded: “Interestingly, when we arrived home Mary stated that we have never really been able to have great success in selling our vehicles. So, the fact that this was sold, and sold quickly in a down market for trucks, because of fuel economy, and sold for nearly what I was asking was impressive”.

I also considered the sale a massive blessing, because an individual who inquired about the Suburban said I was asking too much and offered me about half the asking price. So, when I look back at the discussion, the prayers, my reaction to that leading, and the quick turn around of that vehicle, for me, I feel certain that it sold and sold near the price I asked because I listened to the leading.

Let me return to the prayer. After telling me to “prep it, sell it” the Divine continued telling me some other things that I should do for preparation:

Continue learning about China, culture, language, people, regions, Beijing, especially Beijing, learn about Confucius, learn the push and pull duality, doing so helps you understand how they think, reflect and meditate. …

With that the Divine continued answering my question. Remember, I asked “Can you give me some guidance on what to do?”

Therefore from the prayer, the Divine informed me to sell the Suburban, which I did. Then the Divine tells me to continue learning about China, which I also did (see the previous Installment). I purchased a couple of translations of the book entitled Confucius – The Analects, and have read parts of it. Along with books about Tao, and began my commentary on the Tao, which was done at the Divine’s leading.

After the Divine provided that guidance, the Divine continued:

Finish updating your website, put there the pieces you are working on, then I consider it finished, as should you.

There are a couple of things here that I want to note. Back in 2013, I thought that raymondharris.com was finished, and in that belief, put this website into “historic” status. But when things developed as they did in January 2016, I reopened raymondharris.com to active status and have been writing ever since.

Now, it is quite possible that I should have put this content on my other website, but for whatever reason, I didn’t. But, maybe after I finish this task, my personal website will become finished.

Shortly after that, the Divine continued:

Study the new material, study my material, compare them, my material triumphs, I provide greater clarity when needed.

That is exactly what I have been doing. I studied the Tao for a major portion of 2015. Then when the Torah rotation restarted in October 2015, I resumed my Torah study. However, when January 2016 arrived, my main task, in addition to doing the Torah Notations, has been writing “My Story”.

However, for the critics, take note that the Divine wants me to compare the things I study against the Scriptures. The Divine is specific.

Then the Divine closed with the following:

You will be fine, you will do fine, relax. Stress free remember. The feng shui, the balance, learn the balance. You already know the first balance and that is Esther and “Kitty,” let everything else become balanced.

You and your family have my love. “Kitty” loves you, she can feel it, but give her time. Women are peculiar, as I have made them that way.

Esther, my sunshine, smile, shine bright, you are mine, forever. Men say stars die, stars don’t die when I empower them to shine forever – shine forever, forever shine. Kitty is your friend. You have my love.

Amen.

Notice what the Divine encourages: stress-free existence and balance. That is something that I only am now beginning to incorporate, and I don’t know if I fully understand it.

The other thing is that the Divine, once again, incorporates Esther (Mary) and the woman the Divine refers to as “Kitty”. For me, it seems the information given about me remains future tense, because I have yet to become a husband of two wives, but there it is again in my prayers.

At this point, I can see how I have responded to the Divine’s leading. I have sold my Suburban. I have begun learning Mandarin. I have begun studying things about the East. But I have not yet seen this leading become fully actualized. It is that actualization that I long for.

I am not certain why the Divine closes using “Amen”. I know what the word means, and I know why we as humans use the word “Amen”. Perhaps it functions as a way to show that the interactive prayer has reached its conclusion, but it is possible that the Divine is using it in that same way we do.

 
On August 21, 2013, I wrote in my journal. The entry conveys that during the morning I was getting around, prepping for my day, and had the idea of a family salt covenant come to my mind. My journal says that I spent some time praying about that, looking for confirmation of that idea, and my spirit heard “Who do you think gave you the idea?”

I spent some time mediating and asking for clarity. Later, I would come to understand that this covenant should take place at the picnic area where I had been led and learned about my heart.

That same day, a personal confidant sent me news that gave me a tremendous moment of emotional and spiritual turmoil. Based upon my journal, it seems that morning that things were going well, and after I had received the information from that confidant, my day unfolded in a whole new way.

I wasn’t certain what to do, or even what it meant, but my journal records that I went and spent some time in interactive prayer. It was a big moment for me, causing me to rethink, reconsider, and ponder just what was happening. I began my prayer “Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who is truth and makes all humanity a liar.” The Divine responded:

True, but that’s not the point.

Then the Divine asked me:

What troubles you?

I answered “[My confidant] and the news [they] sent me. It makes me question myself, my actions, my beliefs.”

For me, I expected an answer other that what happened. Here’s how the Divine responded:

And?

How does one respond to that question? I mean, for me, at one time I thought since the Divine is all-knowing then, obviously, the Divine will just help me. It is a type of help, but certainly not in the manner in which I expected.

So I answered “I have experienced things that I know, things that seem far beyond coincidence. But I thought [my confidant] would not change.” To that the Divine replied:

All [people] have their doubts, as [does your confidant], as do you.

To that, I responded with a question “Then what is the difference?” The Divine’s answer:

Family, for one.

That is an important answer, an answer that cannot be fully underscored as to its importance. But allow me to put a kind of underscore to it. Let me explain.

There are all types of families. I am making no differentiation as to families. Even though there are lots of families, for the sake of discussion allow me to narrow the type of family down to one type – a Christian family.

Let me narrow it down even further. A husband can be a believer, but not the wife. A wife can be a believer, but not the husband.

There is also the situation where both husband and wife believe, but their belief is not the same. Some might think of it as one being Catholic and one being Protestant, which is certainly valid.

Yet there is, at least, another example of narrowing down. A possible situation is where one spouse believes in speaking in tongues whereas the other spouse does not.

All of those are various types of Christian families. And there are more examples that most likely could be enumerated. These various styles of Christian families make a difference in the development of the individual’s and family’s faith in God.

I have been blessed with a wife who believes in God’s leading. She believes that God is leading me. I can see her experiences, and believe that God is leading her. Together, we have helped each other through difficult moments during the last few years.

But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t have doubts. In that prayer from August 2013, I asked “But how do I make certain that my faith is in the One True Living God and his Messiah, and not in some unholy spirit?”

That is a most important question. Without doubt, I had experienced things that I could not deny, it is of these things which I have written. But where I was in August 2013 was a place where I was not totally convinced that God was leading, and is why when my confidant gave me the news that they did, my world faced an emotional and spiritual storm.

To answer my question, the Divine responded:

Trust.

Then asked me:

Do you trust me?

For my reader, this hopefully expresses the place where I was, and the difficulty it is to trust the Divine. The Divine is unseen, but always present. Knowable, yet remains unknown.

Our eyes and our senses experience the world. Its hate. Its violence. Its turmoil. Its lies.

We take that experience into our experience with the Divine, we have no other choice. So when we are seeking the Divine, seeking that encounter, it is difficult to feel confident. This is why it is so extraordinarily necessary to verify that it is the Divine and not another spirit, and why it is crucial to keep track of the experiences one has.

By verification one can verify that the Divine is Jehovah. By experiences one can see the fruit. God leads in righteousness, and the fruit of righteousness is evident.

During that prayer, following the Divine’s question, I answered “We have been in this place, it feels like previous, but I believe you.”

After some additional dialogue asking the Divine for his identification and asking if Jesus arrived in the flesh, I responded “I am not doubting, I don’t think, but could you please verify that path which I am to travel?”

I asked that question because I needed to know. My confidant just informed me of their situation. I now doubted mine. Was I experiencing the correct thing? I had to know. The Divine responded:

You, and your wife, have given yourselves fully to me, your finances, your family, your marriage. Your marriage has been fulfilled, a new marriage is to be…

With that I didn’t feel like I had been given anything I didn’t already know that I had experienced. So I replied “Not to be picky, but the information given is inline with what I currently believe you want. Is there a way you could help me and verify this by giving me another witness, not doubting you, I am having trouble, and I want to orient myself to make sure.” Here is how the Divine replied:

Today, you came to me. Came to me, pretty much right out of the gate once you learned of [your confidant’s] correspondence. That itself is a sign. You even heard me tell you what to do about preparation. But since you have trouble, consider this:

A flower in the field is a flower until day and a flower until death. A flower in the field with another flower is a group, but three flowers in the field together is a house. Some are gone today. Some are here today. A house, of course, is much more than a flower, and more than a house, a house stands a lifetime, weathering the night, enduring the storms, but come day its beauty is revealed and reveled. Revel in the Beauty [he capped the B]. For you are beautiful.

Then the Divine asked me:

How many flowers have I given you?

I answered saying “Two.” Then the Divine asked me:

And how many flowers do most men receive?

My response to that question was “That seems [to be] kind of a trick question.” The Divine responded by asking:

Okay. How many flowers does it take to make a man a home?

My response to that question was “One.” So the Divine responded:

Yes. But how many flowers does it take for you to have a house?

And, even though I was struggling that day to believe, I answered saying “Two.” The Divine continued, but I wasn’t truly persuaded. So I asked “Do you have names for these flowers?” The Divine answered:

Esther is my Star, a bright one at that. ‘Hello my dear, I love you.’ Bright as the morning star, but not the morning star. Brighter than full sun, but not full sun. Yours for many years, sunburned you have been, but basking in her glow you have found life.

“Kitty” my Kat, also you have learned of her that I liken her unto Rachel. You have loved her. Your heart melted, like chocolate in the sun. ‘Why?’ you might ask, because your spirit kissed hers, but that is okay, I wanted it that way. There is no need to cry, no need for shame.

All I could muster was “You make me uncomfortable.” The Divine responded:

Good, for you are not your own, you are mine.

Honestly, how is one supposed to react to that? I have no clue. I expressed my uncomfortableness, yet it seemed that it didn’t really matter to the Divine. Perhaps the Divine would give a different response to someone else, but not me. Then the Divine asked:

Do you feel that I have addressed your concern?

I answered by saying “Yes.” However, I was not finished, I added “But may I ask for something more?” The Divine responded:

Yes, by all means, go ahead.

So I replied “I believe you. But are you willing to further help me by offering some additional evidence, like expressing something totally foreign to me?” The Divine responded:

You are a testy one. Stop being concerned about your left thumbnail.

For tonight there are three in my hand. Three come and three go. Three drive up, three drive down, and four to go. With me there is none, but with me there is all. ‘All or nothing’ is as the saying goes. Do you want all? Or do you want nothing? for something must go for all to be had, or nothing will be what you receive.

Blessings my son. You have my love.

Amen.

Notice that after that lengthy interactive prayer, it is the Divine who calls the prayer to a close. Probably a good thing too, because given my disposition on that day, I probably would have keep going. For how long? That I am unable to answer.

That day, my trust began fairly confident. I received information from my confidant, and my trust seemed to wither. Prior to their information, I was not completely certain. So their information rattled what little confidence I had.

But, now, I can see how that prayer was actually very helpful, even insightful.

 
Even though I had stumbled that day with my trust, I did feel confident that I needed to follow through on the leading about the salt covenant. On August 25, 2013, I wrote in my journal:

Last evening, after [my daughter] finished work, we [the entire family] drove out to the picnic area where God let me know that my heart was in China. …

On the way we stopped at a grocery store, and purchased a bottle of Concord Grape wine, a bottle of 100% grape juice, and matzah. We took sea salt with us. While [I was] driving, Mary read information about the salt covenant. On the way, we ate some cheese pizza….

…on the drive there, it was decided that we should stop at the location we used for a couple of Passovers [Seders] because [my daughter was] tired. As I approached that location, I asked, “Where should I go?” and [the Divine] said, “To the location I took you.” So I informed the family that I would be driving out past Kerrville.

Even though we ate pizza on the way out to the picnic area, once there we made some sandwiches and [my daughter] ate some red grapes. … Once there I read the last two entries from my Prayer Journal and on the way there informed everyone that we would be making this salt covenant and it would include “Kitty”.

Once [I] finished reading the Prayer Journal, we partook of communion, and then went and gave the wine as a drink offering. I had decided I would do this prior to traveling out to the picnic area. The family stood around as we poured out the wine. Before we did such, I prayed asking God which he wanted, I heard him. I asked the family if they knew, [they answered] either both (wine and grape juice) or grape juice. But I told them that he said, he wanted the best, and reminded the family that God celebrates occasions with wine. So we offered the wine. Mary suggested that we salt the drink offering … I agreed and she spread some salt on the wine as it was flowing into the ground.

Once done, we took the salt, and put some salt in one hand of each person, except me, salt went into both of my hands, my left hand for “Kitty”, my right hand for me. We mingled salt from each hand into the hands of the others…, vowed to become family, and prayed. We packed up and got ready to go.

Just before we left, Mary informed me that she and I did not mingle our salt together. Meaning that the salt I had for “Kitty” and me somehow was not mingled with Mary’s salt, I think this was because of the people who were gathered around our picnic area, they were quite the distraction to my family. So just prior to leaving, Mary and I got more salt, poured it out measuring for the three of us, mingled and I promised to Mary, and to “Kitty”, that I would do everything in my power to me faithful, and I would seek God’s guidance for us.

Family. That is what it is was all about. That’s all it’s about. As of June 2016, I have not yet seen this come to pass.

So what does it all mean?

I’m not completely certain. I still walk. I still learn. God still leads. I look forward and dream.

Blessings and Shalom

2016.06.08

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