Installment 69

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On September 25, 2013, I spent time in interactive prayer, I began with a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who gives the strength to lay down one’s life. The Divine shared, in part:

[Love each bride] unique to her character, her spirit, her needs, never forget this. Never love Rachel as Esther. Never love Esther as Rachel. To do so is, to use your phrase, ‘defrauding them’. They, each, uniquely require your heart, this is what you have come to learn, this is the balance you needed, not wives, but understanding the depths of love, the extremes to which love sacrifices, lays down one’s own in order to give life to another.

It has been a long while sense I have shared a dream. On September 29, 2013, I wrote the following in my journal:

I awoke dreaming a dream, but did not realize it.

I was renting (staying?) at a home and had sat on a couch that was in our room, it had a (five pound or less) hand weight on the left side of the sofa (the left side when I sit down, the hand weight was to my left), it had left rusted dust on the sofa. I lifted the weight, dusted off the sofa the best I could, looked at the weight, and put the weight back. The room was fairly spacious, but sparse, and it seemed like I was the occupant of that room of the house, others occupied the house, but I rented that one particular room. Coming back to the details, I think the sofa was a dull-yellow color having some red making it the yellow somewhat toward a dull orange, and the room was bathed in a bright natural light.

Either in this dream, or it was separate (I don’t recall), I went to obtain the last one or two slices of pizza from a merchant. The merchant was a woman, sitting at a counter, the pizza was there as well. I had trouble placing the order, but when my wife or my son had purchased the pizza earlier they had no problems, either they had purchased the pizza for themselves or for me, but I cannot remember, and I don’t recall the pizza flavor, but I think it was a deep dish, like a pie that had some type of meat in the middle. The merchant did not understand me, but through the brief but somewhat difficult dialogue the last slice or two were purchased and I was able to return to where I was, I presume it was some type of dining table.

While there, wherever I was, I somehow learned from the merchant that I had not read the purchase agreement rules of the foreign seller and but this other fellow had. That fellow bought something similar, but not the same product. Because he did read, he did not have to find himself in shackles, but I had to have a shackle put on my ankle, and it was put on my ankle. I then heard a voice, face unseen, the voice leaned in toward my ear (the right, I think) and say, “it’s monetary prison, so don’t worry, it will be fully paid next month.”

What is weird is that after reading that I can still remember that dream, but if someone had asked me before, I probably would not have been able to recall that dream.

As I have said before, dreams are a strange thing. Dreams take elements from your life, arrange them in a pattern unrecognized, and thereby rearrange reality, making it difficult to ascertain the importance and significance of the events.

I started out all alone in a well lit room bathed in natural light, sitting on a sofa in some color of yellowish-orange, where I picked up a small hand weight, dusted off the arm of the sofa where the weight was sitting, and put the weight back down.

From the room being bright, I take it to mean that I was in a place that was receiving adequate light to reveal the experience, the events, and the items of where I was. From the sofa, I take it that I was sitting, and waiting for something.

From the weight, I take it to mean that whenever I picked up the weight of what I needed to do, it would be relatively light. But it seems that I wasn’t ready to pick up the weight, so I put it back down.

Then, either in the same dream or a different dream, dreams are weird like that, but I went to obtain the last of some pizza. But why I was buying the pizza is a mystery. I couldn’t obtain the pizza from the lady who was selling it, presumably because I couldn’t communicate my intentions, but my wife and son had no issues ordering. But a difficult dialogue occurred with the lady merchant and I was able to obtain the last slice or two of pizza and was able to return to my table.

The dream makes me ask: Who is the lady merchant? Why was it difficult to interact with her? Yet, the dream has the lady merchant telling me I had not read the purchase agreement rules, and because I was unaware of the rules, I had a shackle put on my ankle until the monetary amount was paid.

What does the dream mean? I speculate.

On October 7, 2013 I prayed. I began with a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos who creates lights of fire to shine into the dark places. The Divine responded:

Now that’s what I’m talking about – light into dark places. So allow me to illuminate.

Let’s face it, human existence is often froth with darkness, not just the physical night, but spiritual night, where truly dark deeds take place. It is this darkness that dwellers of light never want to find themselves, yet we live in a world that contains both dark and light. So consider what the Divine added:

Your world – dark, my world – light, my world in your world – light, your world in my world – not possible, unless my world is in your world.

Our world is dark unless God is there. Even my personal world can be dark, unless the Divine is there. The power is that God can be in our world, but we cannot be in the Divine’s world unless the Divine’s world is our world.

The Divine continued, asking a question:

What is your world?

Then the Divine answered that question, illuminating things about my personal world:

Your life, your sphere, your family, your circumnavigation, where ever you go – your world.

That is a specific definition of what my world is. My world is wherever I go. Then the Divine continued:

Some exist in your world for a brief moment, so brief they are inconsequential to your world, but are they? Your world would not truly exist if they were not in your world, thus being part of your world is consequential.

A truth of my world revealed. There are those who existed in it for only a limited time. These are friends I had in various places at various times, but also those whom I have interacted with on a one time basis: cashiers, sales staff, medical staff, and other individuals in their occupations. We don’t think of these people being in our world, but they are, and without them, we can’t accomplish our own things. Then the Divine continued:

Your world affects more than you know, has far reaching affects you cannot begin to understand, grasp, or envision.

That is something that I really do not want to spend too much time thinking about. The things I say, the things I do, the places I’ve been, wherever I have gone, whatever I have done, I have been a part of someone else’s world. How far does that affect the untold number of people I have interacted with? God only knows.

But it does give me insight into the seriousness of this life and how far any one person can reach. We all affect hundreds and thousands of people.

Then the Divine continued:

To annihilate you is to destroy your world. Ego is not your world, blood is your world, from blood comes life, from life comes blood, blood is your world, the more blood, the more life, the more life, the more blood, a [people], a [people] of hope, h. o. p. e., as you realized this evening – tikvah, enjoy your world, it matters…

That is an interesting combination of thoughts. I want to begin with the ego. The very word ego is actually quite important, because ego is the Greek word for “I” (Strong’s Number G1473). So when we’re talking about the ego, we’re talking about the “I” – the person.

Therefore, the Divine is making it clear that my world does not revolve around me, my ego, my “I”. That foundational essence influences the remainder of the thoughts.

To annihilate means to obliterate or eradicate. To do that will empty out any person’s possible world. This is why the Scriptures say that Abel’s blood cried out from the ground (Genesis 4.10), because when Abel was annihilated, his world was also obliterated, being eradicated from ever coming into existence.

So the Divine wants me to look at my world and to really consider the reality. First, as I discussed, my world doesn’t revolve around me. But my world does revolve around blood, that motif is also seen with Abel.

Therefore this concept of blood is talking about having children, descendents. But I am also blood, a life, a descendent, of my father and mother. Therefore the concept of blood and descendents is seen, the more children, the more descendents, the more life, the more blood, one has.

The focus of my world is hope. The Hebrew word for hope is tikvah (Strong’s Number, H8615). A world of hope is to be enjoyed. Having joy and hope matter.

On October 8, 2013, I spent time in interactive prayer. Like I had done on so many previous occasions, I began with a blessing. The Divine responded to it, but asked for another.

I gave another blessing. The Divine responded, telling me I missed, and signaled that I should attempt another.

I gave another blessing. The Divine responded, telling me I missed, and signaled for another attempt.

So, I gave a fourth blessing. The same occurred.

So, I gave a fifth blessing. The same occurred again.

So I gave a sixth blessing. The Divine interacted and asked:

Why do you need [to give] a blessing?

My answer: Because it’s how I begin and have begun [my prayers]. The Divine’s immediate response:

Then begin differently.

Then the Divine added a question:

Who says that every [prayer] needs a blessing?

Look, I have given lots of prayers in my days, some informal, some formal. But at that time, I had taken on a practice of being quite formal, feeling that if I did not begin formally, then either my prayer was wrong or the prayer was invalid.

So who says that a prayer needs a blessing? Peer pressure from those who follow patternistic thinking, believing that following a pattern draws us closure to the Divine, which is why the Divine’s response to the question becomes powerful. The Divine responded:

Oh, wait, you do. I never required, or require, such.

Think about that, especially if my reader believes in formal prayers or has been trained up to have formal prayers. The Divine, God, does NOT require such. There are times when formality is appropriate, even called for, but God does NOT require every prayer to be formal.

I made note about my prayer said, “that [information] sat heavy [on me], but I changed the approach [to my prayer]” then I prayed: Thank you father for being you and helping me. The Divine responded:

That’s better, relax, not everything has to be formal. Is your relationship with your earthly father always formal?

To which I answered: No. Then the Divine responded:

Then the answer is obvious. Don’t always be formal with me.

That doesn’t mean that I am always informal. It simply means that I am not always formal. Sometimes I am formal. Sometimes I am informal. Such is life. Such is prayer.

It was a long and tremendous journey, and still is.

Life is both formal and informal.

Life is filled with challenges and obstacles.

Life is filled with joy and happiness.

To the formal: I raise a metaphorical glass, toasting the horizon.

To the informal: I tear off my metaphoric shirt as I run for the beach, embracing my marriage that breaks the rules of social formality.

Blessings and Shalom