Installment 72

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On November 03, 2013, I participated in interactive prayer. I was led to get my tallit and to offer a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos who established the foundations of the world.

In part, the Divine responded:

…you doing your work helps solidify the issues in your mind, so go with it. Remember, you don’t have to persuade them, that is my job, you plant, you water, I give the increase.

In essence, the Divine is communicating that research, study, and publishing help solidify the issues for me, and that I should continue doing such. That is helpful to me, in the sense that I am encouraged to continue doing my work. That is somewhat discouraging, because it insinuates that my work seems to primarily aid me.

However, it is encouraging to know that I am not held accountable for persuading people. Here’s what I mean. In general, Christendom asserts the need for others to be persuaded to certain Scriptural truths. In addition to that, in my religious heritage I was trained up not only to defend the Scriptures but to actively engage the minds of others for them to see the essence of the Scriptures.

Instead of persuading, I am to plant and/or water. That’s it, nothing more. Think about how liberating this is.

It is the work of the Divine to give the increase, which equals persuasion. Of course, this has immediate application to my research, study, and publishing about marriage, but also to everything thing else in my work involving the Scriptures. But this also applies to measures involving faith. For me, it makes working in the kingdom’s vineyard far easier, and far more rewarding.

When finished addressing me, the Divine continued:

Now for something, truly remarkable. She is ready, by that I mean Mary. She doubts herself, questions if she will be jealous, but she won’t, especially as events play out. She is ready in the fact that she has accepted “Kitty”…. In doing this, she has truly opened herself to being hurt, but I know you will do your best to not let that happen. She is ready, and because she is ready, we move forward.

For me, it was and still remains remarkable that Mary was ready for this marriage. I would have never expected her to be ready for a marriage of two wives before me, but she was. She was ready long before I was.

Our situation was flip-flopped, switched. I fought the marriage of two wives for years. On the other hand, after having an initial recoil, she prayed, studied, and prayed more, later Mary embraced it.

That is the exact opposite of what many marriages experience. Many men study and pray, arrive at the conclusion that multiple wives are okay. Present that to their wife, and the wife struggles with the information. Maybe that is not the healthiest way of becoming a marriage of multiple wives, but it does happen.

But that is not the case for us. I argued against it and whined about it for a long time. I can’t really say exactly why, but my biggest issue was the way in which I knew certain people would react, most of them reacted in ways predictable, and that bothered me more than I care to admit. It’s kind of like knowing that you are doing nothing wrong, but the people you speak to simply condemn you as stupid or sinful. It was that experience that I really didn’t want.

This many years down the road, I have arrived where I accept myself, and don’t really mind that others don’t accept me. But that road was not easy.

Interestingly, it reminds of a conversation that Mary and I had with a lady back in September 2013. Mary and I shared what was happening, doing so in order to receive some feedback. Even though she had her questions about things, she offered up her thoughts.

In my journal, I recorded that she basically told me to follow my heart. I have discussed this elsewhere, but following the heart is not always easy when the heart’s desires end up going against the preferred desires of family, friends, and society.

Something else she told me was to stop thinking about this and do what is right. Now by that she did not mean that I should remain monogamous, because if my heart was to have two women and the two women were willing, then that was doing the right thing. That is what she meant by doing the right thing and to stop thinking about it.

Another thing she told me was that making the decision to have two wives does not make me a bad person. In my mind and in my heart I know that, but it is difficult not to see yourself as a bad person when others condemn.

She added that since we believed that God had helped lead us to this, then there was no way of escaping it and I should just give in. As I have written elsewhere, coming to that submissive attitude was a long and arduous task. Have I “given in”? Not in the sense of surrender, but I have accepted that there is no possible way for me to be acceptable to all people and do what I believe is proper to do in following the intended purpose of my life.

And she did offer thoughts about love, loving two women, women being different, that loving them would be different and no one was really better than the other.

Her response at that meeting was unexpected. I expected her to show disdain, express chastisement, and speak ridicule. Instead she offered sound advice.

In light of that, I had two major questions for her. How can a woman agree to marry a man when he already has a wife? Does this type of marriage make me a lesser man?

The first question took a couple of days before she really answered. She gave me a lengthy answer. In essence, she said that even when a man is married, when a man willingly puts himself at risk in order to help a woman, the woman who received the help sees his sacrifice and his willingness to help her, then the woman who received help comes to love the man who did such greatness for her.

To me that is mind blowing. I say that because I was given social constructs that would built fences for such incidents. Yet, here is a lady expressing that a woman is willing to sacrifice her preference for monogamy in order to be with a man who helps her.

For me, what on earth would make a woman decide such? I thought monogamy was the dream of every liberated woman, I mean every romantic story ever written seems to be one girl falling in love with one guy. So how is monogamy not the expectation of every woman?

Well, from that surprise I learned that preference takes a back seat to need. That wasn’t something they taught me in Sunday school, elementary school, high school, or even in college or seminary. Yet, it is true, a woman prefers monogamy, but when the man she needs is already married, she will be willing to share, because she accepts that he can help her needs and the other woman’s (women’s) needs as well. That, for me, was mind blowing.

As for the second question, her retort was short. The essence of her answer was an emphatic: No! Adding that such a situation makes him greater.

Again, to me, that was bizarre. For reasons similar to what I already expressed.

I know that the western world is experiencing a social shift in many regards regarding marriage, sexual identity and other such things, but her answer is rather primal. Don’t you think?

I mean, we’ve been liberated, we’ve been cultured, we’re better people, with better social constructs. Yet, the truth remains, the innate need of the heart.

The church can berate me all it wants with its presuppositions of monogamist-only doctrine, the Scriptures bear out a different truth, and socially, women, bear out a different truth. Perhaps this is one reason why God and the Scriptures never condemned a man for having multiple women/wives.

Until recently war, famine, pestilence, risk of life, and natural death all increased the mortality rate of men. That alone made it difficult for women to find mates. And the more attune to light-derived spirituality, the more difficult the task it is for a woman of faith to find a husband, because she scrutinizes all males for acceptability.

For the woman of faith, the longer she remains unmarried the more difficult it is for her to find an acceptable husband. For many women of faith, they feel the best men are already married. That insinuates that young men do not want to become “best men” for the younger women. It also insinuates that age, maturity, longevity make for a better man, but that doesn’t mean that all men become better men.

That simply means that women of faith, generally speaking, feel that that all the good men are taken. For these women, the church doctrine, the social norms, make it nearly impossible for them to find a mate. They have to wait until a boy becomes a man, hoping he never marries. They have to wait until a wife dies.

For many women of faith, historically, they have been unwilling to accept a divorced man as husband, because divorce was seen as detrimental. That, however, in recent memory has changed. The church now actively participates in the lives of divorced people and marriage after divorce does not have nearly the stigma it once had.

Of course, I am speaking generally, and speaking in reference to religious environments, and some might deride me as speaking as a man. But a truth stands: many, if not most, people have religious convictions, and many, if not most, people see lines of masculine, feminine, and family.

All of that means there are still women of faith who want a family. Historically, family requires a husband, for women of faith, generally speaking, they still feel family requires a husband and they do not feel it proper to have a child without a husband. For these women, the church doctrine and social constructs make it extremely difficult to find a man they believe is qualified.

But that lady affirmed something that I thought was long dead. She affirmed that some women are willing to accept a married man as her own husband when that married man is willing to help her in her needs.

Monogamist centered individuals and couples see that as taboo. I did. But the Scriptures don’t. Truth told, which few Christians seem willing to say, so I will: no Scripture condemns a marriage of one man to multiple women.

To many, multiple wives seem archaic, outdated, outmoded. But in a time such as this, I proclaim otherwise. This might actually provide women of faith the hope they have been wanting. But it took me years to come to terms with it, to accept it.

Relationally, others can do as they please, it matters not to my faith. But because I am very specific in my faith, and because I have my convictions, and because I pursue the Light, and because I pursue that righteousness, my life is quite different.

I opened up my life to the possibility of another wife. In opening up myself, I accepted the probability. Mary made peace with that long before I ever could. I now search for a woman who has very similar expectations to Mary and me.

Like the women of faith who feel the selection of men are few, the selection of women who best fit Mary and me, are also few. Without doubt, my wife is one who fits me and I her. Through all my prayers, the Divine has led me to believe that the Divine will lead me to this other lady.

Currently, this is where I set, following the Divine’s leading. Ready to start my bigger family.

But before I close, allow me to return to that prayer. The Divine continued informing me to be ready and remain ready. Was I ready? In sprints and moments I thought I was ready. But I did not become fully ready until this year.

Before that prayer closed the Divine added:

As for “Kitty” she is ready for her fall, … it is glorious, for in her fall she will ascend and climb to new heights, heights permitted and provided by the sun.

Awkward. The Divine speaking to be about something that I know nothing about. Has it happened? I have no way of knowing, except that the woman the Divine refers to as “Kitty” would somehow inform me.

The fall” as the Divine identified it is not what interests me. It is that this lady ascends to new heights. That is paradoxical. We don’t often think of falling enabling us to reach new heights, but it is said that this will happen for this lady.

So I want to bring attention to what permits this lady to gain new heights. It is the sun. Some might interpret the “sun” as the “Son” as in referring to Jesus. But not this time.

In Installment 63, I shared a prayer from August 21, 2013. I shared that the Divine referred to Mary as Esther, calling her a Star, likening her to a sun. So in this instance, the new heights of this lady are permitted, not by me, but by Mary.

I cannot overstate Mary’s involvement in my life, her involvement in my marriage to be, and Mary’s involvement in the marriage with my additional wife. Mary is that important. Without her, so much could not be.

Blessings and Shalom