Installment 76

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On November 28, 2013, the first day of Chanukah, I had a dream.

I was a passenger in a vehicle, we are arriving where I work. We are driving down the entrance way to the parking lot, making way our through the parking lot. I see a police officer and have the driver change the way we were driving through the lanes of the parking lot, and that change gets the attention of the police officer. We arrive in the parking lot where a 4×4 pickup truck had overturned, lying on its side. I can’t tell what has happened, but I tell the driver to turn left, and we make our way toward the side of the building. Once inside the building, I am changing and getting ready for work. In getting ready, I keep removing pants, first one layer, then another, simply to find another part of pants underneath. While doing that, I see that a well-known actor is observing me.

On November 29, 2013, the second day of Chanukah, I prayed asking for the interpretation of the dream. I utilized my tallit, was led to understand that I could retain my shoes, and was led to give a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos who gives the interpretation of dreams. The Divine responded:

Yes, I do, and the true answer is sourced only in me. … Now here is the meaning.

Driving to work, you have a job, but needed help getting there. In spotting the policeman, your conscience plays havoc, thinking yourself guilty you draw in their attention, and had the driver change course. Course change was unnecessary, but I worked with it. Your observation of the turned over 4×4 truck is the awareness of Rachel, the lack of visual information to process is your awareness without proof. You know it happens, so it happened, but details are missing. Inside the building is you getting ready, including you prepping by getting yourself clean and ready. Your nakedness then instead of clothing is your unwillingness to remain defenseless and unarmed before the public, your layers of clothing represent the layers of protection you have against what you perceive is a potential onslaught. [The actor] simply is there as a memory cue, a sign of strength of message delivery.

In the dream, the job was not really specified. The occurrence of the police officer was interesting. How many driver’s adjust their driving when they see an officer? Too many. Why? A guilty conscience.

A change of driving behavior doesn’t mean automatic guilt, but a change in driving actions can certainly gain the attention of the officer, which is what happened in the dream. Importantly, the officer never seems to have interacted with me. So I am assuming that even though I gained the officer’s attention, it doesn’t mean that the officer was actually interested in me.

The other thing of interest is the overturned 4×4. Somehow it being on it side represents something that is going to happen with “Rachel”. But what is interesting is that in the dream as I was able to see the vehicle on its side, I couldn’t really see anything that was happening. It’s like when we drive past an accident on the highway, you know something happened, but have no ability to see what happened or what is happening.

As for being inside and getting ready, there is more truth there than I care to admit. I spent the last several years not really wanting to talk with others about my life, the direction of it, or the Scriptural support of it. So, the dream seems to be indicating that I would be shedding my “layers” in order to become ready to stand before everyone, not literally without clothes, but metaphorically, meaning that everyone would be able to see my life. When you feel vulnerable, the last thing you are ready to do is be yourself in front of people.

October 29, 2013 was the second day of Chanukah, so I engaged in interactive prayer. I was led to pray without my tallit, but led to give a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who gives miracles and signs. The Divine responded:

Yes. But misses. Please try again.

I then offered the blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who restores broken relationships. The Divine responded:

Yes that is very true. I restored my relationship to you and yours to me. And you will restore Rachel, just as you have Mary.

Think about that. It is tremendously important to recognize that God does the restoring, reconciling of the relationship between the Divine and the human. But what baffles me to this day is the concept that the Divine added, that I will restore and have restored. In what way, to what measure, I am unable to address.

After that, the Divine continued:

Restoration is not bad, it is beauty, beauty that few find appealing, because of the amount of effort involved, it takes much.

That seems to be a generalism, there are many people who like to restore things, whether it is cars, houses, ships, or something else. Restoration: the bringing back to life that which has been used up, or cast away, or worse thrown away having been viewed as unusable or unwanted. But it is true that many would simply rather acquire something new than take the time to restore.

After that the Divine continued:

However, your own experience is restoration, taking the unused and forgotten and bringing it back to use, even if for a short time.

That is somewhat true of me. I have taken several vehicles and restored them to running condition, licensing them, and putting them back into service, using them as daily drivers. The biggest issue for me is limited funds. But I have, and am willing to, retain drivability of vehicles, for I interpret the ease by which so many use up and throw away their vehicles as not truly esteeming the vehicle as having value. For many, the automobile is simply disposable, like a toothbrush – once used up discard, and acquire another.

The Divine then added information about Mary, our children, and then added:

Rachel is ready, taken the step … she will find herself and you will help her.

What “taken the step” conveys, I can only speculate, because the statement is way too general. All I can say is that this again speaks future tense, and somehow I am correlated to something positive.

November 30, 2013 was the third day of Chanukah. I prayed. I was led to use my tallit, and to offer a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who encourages his children to spend time in his presence. The Divine responded:

I like that, yes. Welcome to my presence.

The presence of the Divine, a welcoming place to be, and I remained there in prayer. Later, I asked: Are you willing to give me something odd, something unknown, like a parable or something? The Divine responded with:

A man and a woman and a woman walk endlessly searching. Searching. Searching. Hand in hand in hand they walk. Pause they do occasionally for their children, but they never pause for themselves.

There it is, something unexpected, a picture of three. But the picture is as odd as it was unexpected. Each one of them is searching. The concept is conveyed three times. What are they searching for? It’s not really expressed or answered, what they search for is elusive.

However, what is common to all three is that they have children. In having children, the three suspend their search to focus on the children, which is proper. But the saying says that the three will not suspend their search to focus on themselves. The Divine continued:

Given such temerity what do you suppose their plight will be?

That is an important question. It insinuates that the very thing that the three are searching for is right in front of them. The Divine continued:

Unity of presentation, is not unity of purpose. Unity of purpose is first seen on the inside, then finds expression on the outside.

This is where their search finds resolution. They can’t simply keep searching, taking time to focus on their children to the exclusion of themselves.

It seems then, that their search took them to each other. After experiencing children, they somehow continue their search, thinking that what they needed was elsewhere. But what they need is to stop their search and connect with each other.

November 30, 2013 we attended services. During praise and worship I prayed. I was led to use my tallit, and not to give a blessing. I began: Father, thank you for talking with me. The Divine responded:

You are welcome my son.

That itself is profound, but the Divine continued:

I want to talk with all my children, but so many don’t even know. Don’t know I can talk, will talk, want to talk. Even more don’t believe in me and my ability and willingness to talk. Please let them know I will talk, if they seek me, my face, in faith and trust.

I was raised up in a religious tradition that postulated that all of the Divine’s leading had disappeared once the New Testament was compiled. Their reasoning is extensive, and they offer New Testament passages to support their conclusion. But learning about interactive prayer was one of the biggest elements to my spiritual development.

It matters not to me that many believers believe that the Divine is quiet. If believers want the Divine to be quiet, the Divine will be quiet. The Divine is not an entity that forces.

The Divine still leads. But to have that interaction, one must do the very thing that the Divine conveyed: seek the Divine having faith and trust.

In contrast, for many believers, it is far easier to have faith in and trust the church leader than to have faith in and trust God, the very One we say we seek. Any more, it boggles my mind. But such is the experience of life.

However, the Divine is not setting idle in the heavens, biding the time. The Divine is like the Father of the Prodigal son, looking out, watching for the child to come to their senses and seek the Divine in faith and trust. Seek the Divine, your efforts will find results.

Before the prayer ended, I asked: Anything else? The Divine added:

Bless your wife Mary, my daughter Esther and your wife to be, my daughter Rachel. Bless them. Bless them both, give them children, teach their children well, teach them about me, to hear me, to walk in my ways under Yeshua. Always hug them, lead them, and they will not depart. Amen.

I offer additional thoughts on many things, but for me that last thought stands without need of further comments.

December 1, 2013 while it was still the fourth of Chanukah, I spent time in interactive prayer. I was led to understand that I did not need my tallit, and a blessing was left up to me. I began: Blessed…. The Divine interrupted:

Please don’t.

I responded: But I thought…. The Divine interrupted again:

This time don’t think. Just say ‘hello.’

I replied: Hello father. The Divine responded:


But then added:

You like formality, but formality many times leaves friendliness behind. Friendly. Friendliness.

This is a tough one for me. Right, wrong, or indifferent, I was taught that the Supreme is like a King, and as King, the King expects courtliness and similitudes of formality, well, because that’s how a Kingdom is structured. And human kingdoms are very structured and formal, and that is exactly the manner in which we entreat the Divine. Yet, here it is, the Divine informing me to dispatch my formality, for friendliness.

As the prayer developed, I expressed my concerns for what then was the coming days, but also expressing my trust, mentioning that things were taken care of when I attended Bible School and the Divine would assist similar, yet in a different way. The Divine responded:

So let me explain. Then- you planned out what to do, I wanted you, I let you use school to get to me, I know that you and your pursuit of truth would come to me, so I allowed your ‘plan’ to succeed. Now- it is my plan, my plans never fail.

Then, that is exactly what happened for Bible School. Prayer led me to attend, but my prayer life was way different then. The Divine provided for my tenure at school, but the manner in which I succeeded in that study, was all me, from my dedication to the studies to how I stayed in contact with those who supported me. I used planners, set goals, achieved. It was school. And I did really well.

But now, I have to admit, that kind of living is not what I do. How I approach goals has changed. What I understand as valuable has changed. Even the manner in which I pray has changed.

The hardest part of arriving where I am was learning to accept that the Divine’s plan, accepting the Divine will, accepting that it is more valuable to my life than Bible study, more valuable than worship, more valuable than ministry. In a sense, I was no longer willing to pursue those things at the expense of having active participation in life with the Divine.

That probably will set uneasy for some, but it is true. We can give the Divine our praise, adoration, worship, honorary prayers, blessings and thanksgivings. But the Divine prefers a relationship, a partnership if one will, in living life.

The Divine provided this:

My will for you has been stated. It is clear.

That is what I have been sharing, and am sharing. The Divine added:

Could you have been someone else? Yes. But I did not design you that way.

Think about that. I could have been someone else, but wasn’t. I am who I am, so it is impossible for me to be something that I am not. I am not taller, I am not shorter, I am not better looking, I am not a lot of things. But I am who I am. The Divine then added:

Is this the time for you to be who I made you to be? Yes, for only now do all participants want my will, and my will for their lives.

Like I have written previously, coming to terms with what I was experiencing and with my self took until 2016. So it is kind of puzzling to me that statement. But, I will say, that things, for me, have changed. Things have remained steady for Mary. I simply am unaware of what it means for the other lady.

The other thing that is interesting is this part from the Divine:

Harsh, when your will is not my will, but my will is not harsh when your will.

That is a difficult statement, for the Divine is claiming that things outside of the will of the Divine are what are harsh. As I live and experience more of my dedicated life, I tend to agree with the statement, but the difficulty is that every religiously dedicated person thinks they are doing the will of the Divine. So it is important that the Divine added:

Your will is yours, … your teachers, your society, your culture – you.

Think about that. The Divine is conveying that the will of the person includes themselves, but also the selves of others, meaning everyone from teachers to leaders. So consider that the Divine continued:

But all of that, through collective ignorance of and about me, clouds your understanding of my will.

Perhaps this is the biggest reason why religiously devoted people think they are doing the will of the Divine, for they themselves, in some small way, even if they don’t want to admit it, are clouded in their understanding. Clouding of understanding is not caused by just the individual, but everything the individual has experienced and been taught. Therefore it becomes important that the Divine continued:

My will is not to hurt you, but to set you free, but in being set free, you must break with your will, that is not easy, because it is something you possess….

But notice that to be set free, one -in this case I- had to break from my own will, which was shaped by me and everyone that ever taught me and everything that I had ever experienced. It was not easy to break free from all that.

To break free, one has to accept that the things they had been given is a cloud of misunderstanding, we call that a fog, yet no one likes to walk around with their understanding fogged. So breaking free, in some circumstances, means breaking contact with people. That is probably the most heart-breaking thing I have ever experienced.

The Divine closed out the interactive prayer conveying thoughts about Rachel:

She is ready. … but not yet. Weird huh? … she will find her mind, her self…

What does that mean? I have no real clue. All I can say is that I had to find my self and my mind, in the sense of what it meant to be me and what it meant to think about this “me”. Perhaps something similar exists for her.

I will continue sharing those experiences from Chanukah 2013 in the next Installment.

In the meantime, I do look forward to this portion of the journey coming to a close. It has been a long road, I know who I am, who I want to be, and if I wasn’t ready, I wouldn’t be making this so public.

May the Divine continue guiding me, sharing insight and enlightenment, may the Divine continue guiding and assisting Mary, and may the Divine guide and bring “Rachel”.

Blessings and Shalom