In the previous Installment, it appears that I was going to have to write a letter to the lady that the Divine referred to as Rachel. In a few days, December 2013 became January 2014.
On the last day of 2013, I prayed using my tallit, but gave no blessing. During that prayer, the Divine led me to interact with someone I would have rather avoided. The person was upset with me regarding my life’s direction and found it very difficult to be around me. I was led to simply be courteous and greet them.
That might sound easy. But it wasn’t. I personally greeted them, extending politeness and civility, in the midst of our dilemma. I was met with silence. Awkward, is the only word I can assign to that moment.
During that prayer, I asked: Anything else?
The Divine answered:
Yes. Your journey is about over. Your terrestrial walk is about to begin.
Confused? I was. In my prayer, I asked: What does that mean?
The Divine responded:
Your journey from Ray to David – about over. Your terrestrial walk – the rest of your life.
There was no physical death required. But there was the death of my ego, and it has taken me a long time to let go of my own person, my own goals, and really try to orient my life to being led by the Divine. This is no easy task, let no one tell you otherwise.
The Divine, from the Scriptures, and from my experience, leads to righteousness. As I have detailed elsewhere, a man having multiple wives is permitted, it is the religion and society that are against the arrangement.
The Divine has led me, giving me information about love, and that love has to be a choice, a choice can only be made by an adult who is fully capable of making a choice, because only an adult is capable of understanding the choice they are making.
Therefore, the only thing that I am supporting is that adults have divine permission to make their decisions. They may interact with others, discuss matters, dialogue about marriage, but adults are adults when choices are done with their personal decisions, when they have freely chosen to participate, which means that when it comes to polygamy, it has to be someone and something that each adult has freely chosen, otherwise it’s not out of love, because love allows the other to choose.
On the first day of that new year, I prayed. I had my tallit and was led to give a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who reveals what must be done, even if revelation is a hint. The Divine responded:
Do you know what to do? With Rachel?
During the prayer, I didn’t even provide an answer. The Divine continued:
Yes. For now. When? Not yet, I’ll tell you, but write to Rachel you must.
I have written about this lady the Divine called Rachel in many Installments. Why the Divine used the name Rachel is a mystery.
Back in 2013 and 2014, I thought I knew to whom the Divine referred. I thought when the Divine used the name Rachel the Divine referred to a lady that I had corresponded with earlier in 2013. That discussion was difficult, and ended with a difficult closure.
Yet, here I was in December 2013 and January 2014 considering my interactive prayers were referring to that same lady. Candidly, seeing that connection made me anxious, but that is where I was. Perhaps that anxiety is why the Divine continued:
Rachel is a different creature, timid, afraid, scared, her life is in a big scary world, a world she has never experienced and does not know how to handle.
I have no idea if that is true for the lady the Divine calls Rachel. I think the only way that I will ever probably know is to meet Rachel and talk about her life and see how it matches up with my prayers.
But I can tell you that could adequately identify where I was in 2013. Back then, I was just beginning to understand the significance of my prayers and that the Divine would lead. That reality made me timid. Instilled some fear in me. Scared me, not understanding or knowing what it meant or where it would lead.
Up until 2012, studying about the Divine, studying the Scriptures, offering unidirectional praise and worship was my entire life’s experience. So for me, this new experience with the Divine introduced me to a big scary world, a world in which I was asked to do things that could look ridiculous.
The Divine continued:
You have walked this valley before, it’s a valley not death, the valley is not even that low, but to Rachel it might as well be the deepest gorge in the entire world.
I have been through many places that I would call valleys. So what valley is this? Emotional? Spiritual? Familial? Financial? I really am not certain. Again, I think the only way that I will ever probably know is to meet Rachel and talk about her life and see how it matches up with my prayers.
However, the Divine continued:
Your experience with this valley will be immeasurable, help stabilize her you will.
Again, I ponder which valley experience? And I think the only way that I will ever probably know is to meet Rachel and talk about her life and see how it matches up with my prayers. These are things that I just don’t know, I can read the words, but currently I have no way of understanding. For now the Divine continued:
Once she is stabilized, she will find new life, and freedom, but remember valleys are filled with struggles, and struggle she will.
Again, I have the same thoughts. But, consider how the Divine continued:
The valley is short, bumpy, but worth the ride. She will emerge victorious, triumphant, and happy – pleased she traversed the valley, emerged victorious, and at your side.
Again, I have similar thoughts. I understand that my valleys have their bumpy rides, and sometimes those valleys look fairly dark, and extremely long, some seem to take years to traverse. But it is the thought about the side that is interesting. So consider that the Divine continued:
But make no mistake, it will not be easy.
All the discussion about the valley, and I can really only understand that statement. Whatever it is, it will have its challenges, and hurdles. In my interactive prayer, I recorded that I thought of betrayal, and the Divine continued:
Does betrayal sit in your valley with Rachel?
Look, the thought itself poses its own concerns and fears, if I can say it that way. To have the Divine use that thought, turn it into a question in the midst of prayer makes one, at least me, go from curious to concerned. The Divine answered the question this way:
Possibly. But it really depends on how you listen to me, the more closely and the better you listen and heed my words the better it will be for you, for Rachel, for Esther [Mary], and your entire family. Got me?
So my concern was given a possibility. But that possibility seems to have set with me and my ability to understand and do. Here’s what I know, I still don’t fully understand.
I know my prayers have led to a healthier marriage with Mary, with my children, and my relationship and interaction with others around me. That is the fruit of these prayers. That is good fruit. So I know that good is developing from these prayers.
The reality is that I STILL do not fully understand. What if I am mistaken? What if I misstep? What if I fail? I simply am doing the best I understand. Perhaps I am my own worst critic. But somehow I doubt it when I have experienced the criticism of so many.
Yet, I have faith, a mustard seed sometimes, that the Divine is leading me and leading me in paths that are both beneficial as well as proper.
So, in that interactive prayer, I answered: Yes.
The Divine responded:
So, today: write your letter – to Rachel, not Esther, but Rachel.
And there it is the Divine’s leading. Made me even more anxious, I now had to do a ridiculous thing.
So the Divine is clear who is to be the recipient of the letter, Rachel. Not some other lady, not even my wife Mary, whom the Divine has called Esther. Then the Divine continued:
Rachel needs to hear your voice, and upon hearing your voice, will respond.
So through interactive prayer, the Divine led me to write a letter to a woman, a woman I have never met. How does one accomplish such a thing? The Divine continued:
You can do this. It is within you. Seek your heart. Write from there, open it to betrayal, deep hurt, for only then will your heart be known…
The Divine then closed with:
I will tell you when to send it, for now write. I have put my blessings on this, on the letter, and upon the recipient. Trust this.
That day, I composed a letter. As I have written elsewhere, at that moment in 2014, I thought Rachel referred to a woman to whom I had corresponded with earlier in 2013.
Blessings and Shalom