Installment 93

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On Sunday April 27, 2014 I had the following dream.

I left the house. I know I did that, I just don’t remember walking out the house, to jog down an old style country lane that has thickets on the sides, thick brush.

I make a right hand turn and jog into a section of the trees. There’s an entranceway in the trees. I run diagonal and down a little hill.

I know it’s a whole bunch of little girls – no more than five or six years old. There’s this mother type, I don’t know her name or face, and they are playing t-ball or baseball.

These girls are all needing water and she’s helping them. I get there and I ask “Do you need help?” and she says “Yes, I could use some help.”

So there is this concrete bowl shape water fountain, a scalloped lip where birds might sit and it has a water fountain. The girls are not drinking from the faucet, they are drinking from the bowl.

I was the new one on the scene with the most energy and I’m helping a girl and she’s drinking from the bowl. She gets her fill and the water goes down in level, so I add more water and another girl needs encouragement to drink from the water.

Once the second girl drinks from the water, I turn to the lady with the clipboard and I say “Is it my turn?” She looks over the roster with a finger pointing as she went down the list and she nods and says “Yes.” So I excitedly said, “Okay.” And I look down and don’t have on my baseball pants.

I went to my “dug out” to the side and got dressed/ready. I had to put on my baseball pants.

Then I went toward the field. I think I got to play. The pants are white.

I told myself “I have not hit a baseball in so long, I hope I can do this.” Then I felt like I got a word of encouragement “Don’t worry. You’ll do fine.”

Other notes that I made about the dream:

I was not late to the game. I got the feeling the game had been in progress and these little girls had been taking their turn at-bat in the game, but it was like a big family recreation type moment. And for whatever reason I really thought a real baseball player was going to join up with us.

On April 28, 2014 (Month 1 Day 28), Mary asked me to pray asking for the interpretation of the dream. I began with a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who gives the meaning of dreams. The Devine responded:

Interpretation. Interpretation of dreams. But yes.

From this I was corrected on my blessing. I said, “who gives the meaning of dreams.” The Divine corrected to “who gives the interpretation of dreams.”

The two words are actually significantly different. My word “meaning” is to identify what something means, whether a single word (like a dictionary), whether a text (like a commentary), or dream. The word “interpretation” is the action of explaining the meaning of something.

Following that clarification, the Divine continued:

Here is your meaning.

So with that the Divine goes through the action of giving the interpretation by doing the action of explaining the meaning of the dream. Once the interpretation is given, then the meaning is known, “your meaning” what the dream means for me.

Technically speaking interpretation is different from meaning. Meaning is derived from interpretation. Meaning is not the action of interpretation. Meaning is the result of interpretation. In other words, meaning does not give interpretation, because interpretation gives meaning.

The Divine continued:

You are about to come to a place where you are needed, needed in a way unlike ever before, you are ready, but not fully, capable but not trusting of yourself.

Notice the word “about”. That word indicates movement. According to the interpretation, I am moving from a place to another place, and the other place is the place where I am needed, as opposed to the previous place. Interesting, is it not?

But notice “about” does not give a time marker. So I hope that I am arriving closer at this place where I am needed.

Additionally, in this new place I will be needed in a way not like how I was needed in the previous place. The best I can correlate is that in the marriage of just Mary and I, I was not needed at home.

I was needed at home, but not in the sense of remaining at home, being at home plate to get the things thrown at me. So when I am in a marriage with two wives, I will be at the home taking care of things thrown at me. This concept of things thrown will be given in the interpretation.

Back in 2014, I was only partially ready. The reason I was only partially ready is definitely given in the dream’s interpretation. Difficult truth is, I was not capable of trusting myself, in the sense, that I didn’t know whether I could successfully be a husband with two wives.

That lack of personal trust in my self has been resolved. It took a while to come to terms with what it meant to accept such responsibility. There will be things thrown at me. I can handle it, because it’s the home I have chosen, the pants that I have put on.

Then the Divine continued:

You serve all around you, from youngest to eldest, and listen to the instructions from someone other than yourself.

This definitely harkens to the dream, where I help the five and six year old girls get drinks of water. Yet it also includes me helping the dream’s mother-type.

Listening to the instructions is hearing what the woman with the clipboard had to say. But notice I also listened to the mother-type who needed help.

I will be candid. In some ways, it is difficult to accept that I will “listen to the instructions from someone other than [myself].” It’s not that I think I am all that.

Listening to others definitely conveys that their voice comes first. But in light of the reality that the Divine said I would serve my house (see Installment 92), I suppose that is what a servant does.

But there is a small hesitation because listening to others insinuates that they could misuse, and that is something that no person wants to experience, whether a spouse, a child, an employee, or a player listening to a coach.

So I put my faith and trust in the Divine. And choose to believe that listening to the two voices of my wives, along with the multiple voices of children, is not about being “bossed” around but about hearing the needs of the family, and attending to those needs.

Then the Divine continued:

You are needed at home taking care of what is thrown at you, and you will do well, grand slams in fact.

The place where I am needed – the home.

Granted, I have been at home since March 2014. Yes, I have older children, and they have received my fatherly focus since I returned home, and I help Mary with her things.

But the dream carries a youthful family feeling. So I am anticipating more children, a younger set of children. The dream revealed girls, but that does not exclude boys.

At home, where things are thrown at me. You know, I am at home. I have been at home for just over two years. From time to time I receive a negative refrain about me being at home, but that negativism almost always comes from believers. At home, simply means having to also endure that crap that gets thrown. So be it.

But, it is the grand slams that I am more interested it. The negativity will come and go. Helping my family around the proverbial bases is what I want. I’m not here to bat clean up. But I am here to help my family navigate life, and that sure is more rewarding than my previous approach to life.

Then the Divine concluded:

However, you must put on the pants, the pants of purity. Amen.

And that is the final thought of the interpretation. To become fully ready, I had to put on the pants of purity.

Some will interpret purity in a much broader sense than the interpretation intended. The interpretation was about me “not trusting” myself, which means I didn’t know if I could put on the pants of purity.

Go back to the dream. I went to a dug out and dressed, getting ready, because according to the interpretation I am/was about to arrive at a new place, getting ready meant putting on the pants of purity, white baseball pants, making me ready to “play ball”.

But that is not all that was required. According to the interpretation I had to become capable of trusting myself.

I have trusted that Jehovah is God. I have trusted that Jesus is the Messiah. I have trusted that the Holy Spirit works.

I have trusted my capabilities of bible study for many years. I have trusted my understanding of faith for many years.

I had to learn to trust my prayer life. I had to learn to trust the Divine’s leading.

Just as important, I trusted that a marriage with multiple wives was completely Biblical, but I had to come to trust that I could be a man, a husband, with two wives. As I have expressed throughout “My Story”, that took some time.

The pants of purity will not match the purity of Christian perception. Instead, yet specifically to the dream and my life, the pants of purity refer to me putting on the pants of being able to play ball, follow instructions, helping the women, all in order to live a godly life with two wives and their, our, children.

As I have been writing, it’s 2016. I am ready. And I am earnestly praying for the Divine to orchestrate my, our, meeting with Rachel.

Blessings and Shalom