Installment 94

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Throughout the course of telling “My Story” I have shared many prayers. All of them have been interesting, at least to me, or I wouldn’t have shared them.

But for whatever reason, the prayer I am about to share is one that causes me to have unease. I am not certain as to why, but perhaps it’s nothing more than the naked, unprotected feeling I have when sharing it.

On May 3, 2014 I prayed during Havdalah. I began with a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who gives the blessing of family. The Divine responded:

Yes. I do. I sure do.

From the Divine flows life. Part of life is family. Family begins with the spouse.

Many believers believe that the Divine will lead each person to whom they should marry. It seems that is thought of primarily in the sense of monogamous matrimony, and that should be the initial thought.

As I have experienced, the Divine certainly has preferences, but the Divine also works with the individual. I know it sets against the expectations of religious teachings and family expectations, but I am confident that the Divine led me to Mary, led Mary and I to and through this concept regarding two wives, and I believe the Divine will lead us to whom the Divine calls Rachel.

The Divine continued:

Now, please listen, please. Slow down tonight, take your time to hear. Listen and listen well.

The Divine used the term “slow down”. I am not certain if I slowed down that evening, but I will take my time to go through the prayer. The prayer itself is quite lengthy, containing much information, some of which I will share.

Again, the concept is there: to hear, listen, with the insinuation of “do”. The Divine continued:

My son you have much to accomplish in this life, so much.

That alone could create hesitation. What exactly does that mean? The Divine continued:

I’m not talking immediate, I’m talking remote, far reaching into the years distant, a family to raise, women to [serve]. And then, your work has just begun.

As that thought began, it began with a time marker. Back in 2014, I sure thought it was to begin then, but this seems to indicate that things would not occur in the immediate venue of 2014.

So the Divine clarified using the word “remote”. Anymore that word is associated with a controller for any type of electronic device. But the word conveys the concept of distance.

The concept of not immediate conjoined with years, seems to indicate that although I was living life at that time, that coming to the point of having the family of two wives would be years in the future from 2014. Well, it is now years later. I just am praying that it is not more years later.

Consider the remainder of that thought. It seems that it could be conveying that I had to finish raising my then current family of 2014. In a sense, that is exactly what I have been doing.

I helped my daughter navigate into her young adult years, she is now on her own and seems pleased with where she is. I have been helping my son, we finished his schooling, learned some mechanical skills, and he has been navigating toward his own young adulthood.

The Divine then conveys the concept of serving my wives, and then conveys that my work will have just begun. I serve Mary and her needs, and currently she is my only wife, but we expect that to change. The Divine continued:

So relax, do slow down, take your time. Time is important, but your family is more important than time.

Did I relax? Not really. I didn’t really relax until January 2016. As I have discussed elsewhere, things just seemed to come into focus and that gave me an awareness that provided some peace.

Did I slow down? I am not sure. I fell like I am always in a hurry. Seeing this now, understanding what I am seeing, I kind of whish I had understood it back then. But I didn’t.

Did I take my time? I’m not certain, because I feel like time took its time, and during that time I focused on the immediate needs.

But the concept that family is more important than time is a massive concept. I am not certain I fully appreciated that concept or completely understood it. Not sure I completely understand it now, but I sure do have a better appreciation.

Time is NOT fleeting. But when I look at what time provides, it provides constraints and anxiety. Time seems to be the governing force by which we determine what is important. Sadly, it seems that time is used to measure importance.

But the Divine made it clear that family is more important that time. In that sense, time is fleeting because once time ticks by, it cannot be reclaimed. But family, marches forward into history. Yes, fathers and mothers pass from the land of the living, but who they are keeps moving forward, for from them comes the next family, and so on and so forth it goes, seemingly without end.

Family is important. We know this intuitively, but practically speaking, many don’t understand, because their “time” is invested in things other than family.

For all my experiences over the last few years, it is this deeper sense of family that I think I most value. Here, within just the last day or so, I was considering the bills, expenses, and looking at financial things. Moments like these tempt me to return to the work force. But I can’t examine those things without looking at the cost to my family. Would work help financially? Yes. But work would be a detriment to the family.

Looking at that moment, I would like to think that I finally arrived at the place that family means more to me than time, money, or other investments. Because I now measure my time according to how I can serve my family, and I can safely say that was not how I used to approach family.

Then the Divine continued:

Yes, yes, you, yes you, are here, together, with me, all of you.

The Divine is repetitious, but it comes across like the Divine is saying it over and again in order to confirm it to me or to reassure me. I admit, as I have admitted, I have wrestled with doubt during those years.

I know one thing, I am here, I am with my wife Mary, and we are not yet with Rachel, which means I am not certain how to interpret the “all of you” statement. But I know that it would be impossible for me, us, to return to who we were. So consider that the Divine continued:

Together I am working your hearts to one. One. One. One. The three shall become one. Yes, one. No more. No less. One. Yes, one.

Today, as I read that statement I see the Divine communicating that the process is individualistic, one by one by one. From my experience, the Divine worked Mary’s heart first, for she was settled into this long before I was. Then the Divine worked my heart. So I am assuming that the Divine is working Rachel’s heart.

When that is accomplished, then the three become one, as in one household, one conviction, one belief that this is our life, nothing more, nothing less, in which we believe that such makes each of us, all of us as one, complete. In that knowledge, movement, action, we become one, one in thought, deed, action.

Later, the Divine conveyed:

These women are not your enemy, they are not each other’s enemy,

To me, it is interesting that the Divine conveys that concept. Perhaps that is due to some personal internal struggle about the marriage that I have long forgotten. But perhaps the reality is that having two wives creates moments of unique tension, and I have to remember that they are not against me, they are not against each other, because we are not against ourselves.

But the Divine did not leave the information just for me alone, the Divine expressed that the women are not each other’s enemy. Frankly, I have no practical experience with multiple-wife family structure, so for me to assume I have any clue as to the dynamics between the wives would be a horrible assumption.

However, if the husband does not help his wives become allies then it seems that he is not helping his house become as strong as it should be. Each woman is unique. That must be appreciated and incorporated into the marital dynamic. So consider that the Divine continued:

but they, oh yes they, think, think so much differently from each other.

Each is a woman. Each was created in God’s image. Neither is the same as the other. This must remain an operational foundational truth in order to help each wife with her life. It is important. So the Divine continued by referring to each woman’s dreams. The Divine conveyed:

Esther’s dreams are not Rachel’s, and Rachel’s dreams are not Esther’s. They will share their dreams with each other, but each one wants to see her dreams come true.

Immediately, up front, the Divine identifies each woman as unique, by declaring each one will have her own dreams. Dreams can be literal, as in the dreams one has during the night.

But it seems far more tangible to consider that each one will have her own dreams, as in aspirations, desires, thoughts, ideas, imaginings. These are unique to her, and her alone.

To take one wife’s dreams and make it the dreams of the other is a disservice to both and our marriage.

To take one wife’s dreams and help her achieve them to the detriment of the other is a disservice to both and our marriage.

To take one wife’s dreams and help her achieve her specific dreams and to take the other wife’s dreams and help her achieve her specific dreams is to serve each wife and our marriage. So consider that the Divine continued:

This is your job – their dreams.

That is what I am to do for each woman.

Look, I have a lot that is to be done for these ladies, their children, our children, our marriage, our family, our spiritual life, along with all the other things that I am to do.

But that is given directly regarding their dreams. I am to help each lady achieve what she dreams, what she aspires to do.

You know, considering all the things I have done, and I’ve done a few, helping two women become successful in their desires is a unique opportunity to find a unique reward in this life, and I look forward to the journey they will invite me on.

How important is it for me to help each wife achieve her own specific dreams? Consider that the Divine conveyed:

Do not, do not allow yourself to make a compromise dream to ‘satisfy’ both for it cannot be done, in fact doing so will tear you apart.

Notice the Divine’s emphasis, the “do not” is given twice.

Again, I have no practical experience with multi-wife families. All I can surmise is that compromise becomes a “possibility”. The Divine is declaring that “a compromise dream” cannot be done and will result in failure.

The Divine is making it abundantly clear that each wife is to retain her unique identity, her own dreams, aspirations, and desires. I have no concept of any practical realities to make that happen. All I know is that when we’re finally together, it must be done, each lady is her own.

The Divine added to the discussion about their need and my responsibility toward them. I usually comment as the Divine conveyed, but because it is so important, I present it unbroken:

Now, … this requires astute attention to your women, listening to their hearts, listening to their minds, hearing, truly hearing what they are saying and communicating to you. Some of it will sound foreign, mysterious, for they, themselves, may not even know for what they are aiming, but listen, listen, listen. Ask questions, lean in, ask for their help in helping you understand, and they will, oh yes they will.

If there is one thing that the Divine has been leading me to understand it is the importance of listening. While I was not told to shema when my wives speak, the concept is still found within this information.

The concept is clear, listen to them and listen intently. I want to say that I have listened to Mary in the past, but I can’t say that I have listened to her in the manner the Divine described. This is a wholly different type of listening.

The Divine was clear, some of what they express will sound foreign, as in unfamiliar or strange. For the Divine, obviously, that is part of the process, learning the mysterious, as in the baffling and puzzling.

To listen requires my active attention, not only hearing the words of their minds and hearts, but also engaging in the process, showing my interest, asking questions for clarification, and even asking them to help me understand.

Can it get any more specific? Probably.

But that is a great beginning. Then the Divine continued conveying concepts about my responsibilities:

Now, these women, yes women, have been given to you for your safe keeping.

The first thing to notice is that it is in the plural. Anymore, for me, that is no biggie. But I know it sets uneasy for some.

For me, it is the concept of safe keeping that I find of interest. For some, that might come across as very patriarchal, but there is plenty within the telling of “My Story” that offsets any concept of patriarchy.

Yet, the concept of protection is there. So what kind of protection does the Divine have in mind? The Divine provides answers to that query:

Guard their hearts, protect their minds, deliver them safely back into my hands, this is your job, for they are your job, your work.

Safe keeping involves the very thing that I am to listen to, their hearts and their minds. Those are what the Divine wants kept safe.

It seems that the immediate conclusion is to keep them from the filth of the world. But that is protection for children. The Divine is clear that they are women, not children. Therefore, they have minds and hearts that are mature.

Therefore, in the aspect of this prayer, protecting their hearts and their minds seems to be protecting their individual dreams, their aspirations, by listening to them, and helping each lady achieve what is in her heart and mind.

That is my work while they traverse this globe. When they each arrive at the crossing from this world to the next, I am to deliver them safely to the Divine. That insinuates not only having care for the soul of each lady while she lives and breathes, but that I will see each of them pass from this life, and I will help each one make that journey.

That creates lots of emotion. But I will say this, I witnessed the anguish of widows, many are not happy when their husband has passed. For me, if the Divine is truly conveying that concept, then as emotionally involved as each of those moments will be, I will gladly help each lady.

Returning to the prayer, the Divine conveyed:

Intercede for them, pray for them… love them, serve them.

Intercede is a very Biblical concept, praying for them on their behalf. Of course there are more applications than just praying, like when someone interacts with them in an unhealthy way, I can intercede, as in intervene, and make sure that the other person retains a healthy interaction.

But I am also told to pray for them. Praying for them and interceding for them are not the same thing. Interceding can involve prayer, but prayer does not have to involve intercession. One way I have been praying for them is that God prepares each of them for the other.

Loving them is listening to them, but also showing healthy husband-to-wife affection. Making her feel not just appreciated, but also involved, incorporated, and fulfilled in her life. In a sense, loving them is serving them, and serving them is loving them.

But then the Divine turned the attention toward our family:

In turn, serve their children, and serve their children well, and these ladies will never, will never, find fault in you. This is important.

I have witnessed many events between mothers and fathers. If there is one constant that mothers want it is that they want the father to step up to the plate and do as the Divine instructs.

I don’t think I have ever let Mary down in the avenue of serving her children. But I was not ever the one who worked the home. That is what is changing. There are many unique ways that a father has to serve his children, and if the father chooses to remain home, there are even more unique ways for him to serve the children and their needs.

The Divine then moved into the conclusion, conveying:

Your life is forever changed.

My life has changed. I will not deny it. I have felt it.

For me, what I find of interest is the following, the Divine continued:

No longer a boy. You are a man. Throw away childish ways,

What does it mean that I am no longer a boy? That is difficult to ascertain, because I didn’t ever feel like a boy. I threw boyhood stuff away as I matured.

So was I a boy in my previous marriage? I will answer no. I learned. I worked. I became more spiritually focused. I learned. I taught. I still teach. I reared children.

So, in the sense of the prayer, I take it that I was a boy because I would not accept my responsibilities of two wives. In that regard, I have thrown my boyishness away.

As a man, I want to wives, and a husband with two wives can NOT be a boy and be successful. Part of being the man is embracing the contents of the prayer and accomplishing good and holy things.

Yet, the Divine offered a counterpoint, conveying:

but remain yourself, live free, laugh, joke, be active, but be responsible, yes responsible.

So being a man does not mean intense seriousness. A man can be himself, live free, laugh, joke, be active and still have two wives.

Yet, the Divine ended with be responsible, emphasizing with repetition. I would like to think that I would be responsible because I have not expected anything less in my own life, even before the events of the last five years took place.

But I sense that there is a possibility of giddiness, that overexcitement that creates moments were one could lose focus. It seems that this is what the Divine is cautioning against.

The Divine ended, conveying the following:

I love you, for I have given them, yes them, into your hands. Be mindful, ever so mindful of this my son.

For me, what I want to focus on is that these ladies are a gift. I receive these gifts with open arms. But I also receive these gifts with keen awareness that they are precious, valuable in ways that I can only begin to see.

The Divine has and is placing them into my hands. My hands are not literal, but the metaphorical beauty of a husband holding his wife, in this case two wives, one in each hand, their hand in mind, together.

I am mindful that Mary was given years ago, but I am mindful that our life has changed, and I am mindful that she needs the tender care that she wants.

I am mindful that Rachel will be given, her life will have changed, and I am mindful that she needs the tender care that she wants.

I am also mindful that it is the Divine that has permitted and given this beauty, and without the Divine it could not be.

Blessings and Shalom