On June 21, 2014 (Month 3 Day 23) I prayed during Havdalah. I began with a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who blesses the earth with his presence. The Divine responded:
The Divine then continued:
My son, tonight hear me, hear me well, listen, do.
Again the concept of shema that hearing is not enough, one has to listen in order to understand, then do what one has heard and understood. The Divine continued:
You are about to embark on your life’s change.
Back in 2014, I thought that was about having two wives and the change that that family would become. Here in 2016, being two years older, I am now wondering if the “life’s change” that the Divine referred to was entering into mid-life, because I’ll be quite candid, life has changed.
Yet, in the prayer the Divine continued:
This change will forever solidify you in your new self.
Well, let’s see, mid-life has taken hold. Not complaining, but it is much different. But there is something else that has solidified, and it’s not my body-joints locking up, it is my resolute resolve that I cannot return to who I was, and I am fairly certain that solidification occurred back around January 2016.
I am my new self. I am not content with what I knew or what I experienced or where I was. I need the new to become manifest, it is something I must experience, mid-life and all.
Later, in the prayer, the Divine added:
Now, you will be serving your wives…
That is one reason why back in 2014 I thought that the “life’s change” involved two wives becoming a nearly immediate reality. But, as I have conveyed throughout “My Story” my own self wasn’t really even ready, but at least that has changed.
So how am I serving my wives?
Well, in a way, I have been helping Mary with her goals since March 2014. But I am also sharing the telling of “My Story” with her, and we are able to discuss these past experiences.
How am I serving my additional wife?
Well, in a way, I am serving her by becoming ready to carry out the responsibilities of a husband with two wives. That responsibility is unique and I want to be as ready as possible.
In another way, I suppose, that it is possible that whoever the Divine has identified as Rachel could be reading “My Story”. If so, then she is learning things about me that I have not shared publically prior to me writing about it.
But their needs go beyond what I have experienced. There will be active, real time needs that will require my attention. Do I know what that is? I can guess, anything from family disagreements to automotive repair.
With that in mind, consider that the Divine later added:
Now, for your wives. You have learned much. They, I have made them this way, they will not know exactly how to handle this themselves, however, neither do you,
By that the Divine means that guidance has helped me come to terms with the unique reality of having two wives. But that is like researching the techniques to operate a bicycle.
I am not so arrogant to think that research about bicycle riding is the same as actually operating a bicycle. One can learn all kinds of specificities during research and then when research becomes practical application all the research fails to make the application successful.
I am grateful for the proverbial research, yet I know that my practical situation has not yet arrived. As the Divine communicated, even my wives will not know exactly what to do.
So imagine three people having researched bicycle riding, all three arrive at some location together, and each tries to operate a bicycle. Without cooperation, it could become a fiasco. With cooperation, it becomes possible for everyone, without becoming a comedy of errors.
So it is important that the Divine continued:
but you can and will encourage them in this change.
Okay, what exactly does that mean?
The Divine immediately conveyed:
They will be forever grateful for you help.
But within the prayer, the Divine did not provide any exacting explanation about how I will encourage my wives. So how do I encourage them?
That is a tremendous question. For starters, I begin with the starting point that neither of them would be my wife without me having asked them. That makes me the common denominator, the unifying factor.
After that has to be the reality that I can care for and love each lady, unique to her individual needs, each woman is different, and has needs specific to her desires and dreams.
Together, we can grow our marriage into a beautiful reality. To make that reality possible, I am willing to protect each lady and her heart from the garbage others throw.
My primary concern is: each wife’s emotional well-being, spiritual growth, freedom for her to develop her life – for example her career, where she feels loved, encouraged, and protected.
My secondary concern is: our family, the emotional well-being of our children, their spiritual development and growth, and guidance to help them discover their dreams, skills, talents and pursuits for life.
What all of that looks like in real time, I can’t adequately describe. I have an understanding of the goals and the concepts toward a healthy marriage with two wives and helping our family, and want to reveal that a marriage with multiple wives and their children can be a healthy structure. I anticipate that each wife feels the same, and is be grateful for a husband with those things in mind.
Later in the prayer, the Divine added:
my son, you must remain in me, they will find you, but find themselves they must first do, for only in finding themselves can they love you.
For me, that is most interesting and intriguing. In a way, it seems that this life with two wives can only exist when they have found out who they are as individuals. Here’s what I mean.
Over the course of the last few years, I have had to discover who I am, accept myself, and accept that this is what I want. Yes, the Divine helped me, without doubt, but I also had to accept that.
The Divine is NOT a puppet master. God does NOT operate any human as one would operate a marionette. That is NOT how it works, and that is a profound thing to accept.
The only thing that God can do is like the old saying goes “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” In other words, the Divine can lead you to the choice, but each person has to choose.
The lady whom the Divine refers to as Rachel, she will make her choice.
She could choose not to be in this family. She could choose to be in this family. Either way, it’s her choice, and she has to accept that it is her choice, and then be willing to live with her choice.
So each lady who will become my wife has to find herself. I don’t think it has anything to do with who they are as professional individuals. It has everything to do with each woman determining that she will become a wife of a husband who has two wives. So let’s contemplate on that.
Admittedly, I am not a woman, so I don’t speak as a woman. Admittedly, I am not becoming one of two husbands, so I don’t speak in that manner. But one, especially the man with multiple wives, has to appreciate the decision that each woman must make.
Take for example, Mary. She has to choose to permit another woman into the marriage. Importantly, that is the same choice my additional wife must also make. But Mary has been my wife since our marital beginning, more than twenty years ago, and she expected to be the only one at my side. Only a complete arrogant louse would ignore that reality.
So Mary has had to make that choice. But she has also had to choose to let me have another woman as wife. That itself is a tremendous decision. So I can appreciate Mary’s desire to only permit the woman that meets her approval.
That makes it somewhat more difficult for me, but to have Mary’s support, her approval is what is required. Similar has to happen for Rachel, she has to approve of Mary. Together, each lady had to approve of the other.
Just as when a male and female decide to take each other in marital commitment, they have to accept each others “baggage”. That could be family, finances, temperament, among a multitude of other things. So each lady is going to have to make the choice to accept each other’s baggage, whatever that turns out to be.
As for Mary choosing to accept another woman into the marriage, Mary has to determine that the person she wants to become doesn’t mind being disparaged for “giving” her husband another wife. Because she has been with me since our marital beginning, Mary will receive unique criticism for being the person she has chosen to become.
As for Rachel, she too will have to find herself, and make the choice that she is willing to endure judgmental behavior from others in order to be the woman she wants to become.
For example, many women who fall in love with married men are labeled as home wreckers, because sadly many of them are. But there is a major distinction here. Rachel is NOT wrecking the home. Rachel is NOT a mistress. Rachel is not a tramp.
As a woman that Mary has approved, as wife, Rachel is a welcomed member of our covenant and commitment. But Rachel has to be willing to endure the unfavorable attitudes of others who are more willing to judge than open their minds to possibilities.
That, I think, is what the Divine meant when conveying “find themselves they must first do” because as the Divine conveyed “for only in finding themselves can they love you.” That means that each woman has to find herself, that she is not only desirous, but willing to be the wife of a husband who has two wives.
In recent years, body shaming has become a focal point, that women should not deride other women for their physique. But I know this, even though women in the west feel liberated, the women who choose to be a wife in a multi-wife marriage receive unique shaming for their marital choices.
I can only imagine the decision process of each woman who must make this choice to find the person that she is. In a sense, both Mary (Esther) and Rachel have to be willing to endure marital-shaming in order to become the person each wants to be.
It’s a big, no, it’s a tremendous decision. It is a decision that will not only change the life of each woman, but the people she covenants herself to, and the family from which she is descended. Each woman’s decision is, in a word: remarkable.
To serve two remarkable women is not a burden, but a gift.
Blessings and Shalom