I want to share a prayer from December 23, 2014 (Month 10 Day 1). I began my prayer: Father, I am here. What… I would like to know what you will share with me today. The Divine responded:
Nothing, except this – Now listen.
Kind of an odd way of beginning a response, it sounds like there is nothing to pray about, but then there is. Yet, the Divine encourages me to listen, to pay attention in order to understand in order to do. The Divine continued:
Today is your day, your day to do whatsoever you choose, for after today, it will always be theirs, your wives, no more days to yourself, for all days are theirs, no longer yours.
I usually separate the phrases so that I can comment on each part. But this particular part of the prayer so depends upon its constituent parts that it seemed appropriate to present the entire thought together.
If there is one thing that I have learned is that concepts like: yesterday, today, tomorrow, do not necessarily refer to physical days.
For instance, my current physical “today” is Monday. Today’s yesterday was Sunday. Today’s tomorrow is Tuesday. That is my default understanding when I get words like “today” in my prayers. As an actual day of the week, “today” is often NOT the default understanding of a literal 24-hour day in which I reside.
There are times that the word “yesterday” actually refers to a past moment, which could have been years ago. There are times that the word “today” refers to current events, the moment that I am living, irrespective of the number of days. That means that “tomorrow” refers to my future events, and irrespective of the longevity of those events.
So I was told that “today” is my day and that I could do whatever I want. You want to know something, that is pretty much what I have been doing since that prayer in 2014. NOT that I haven’t been taking care of my wife Mary, I have been, but the unique responsibilities of a family with two wives is NOT my current reality.
Therefore I have been able to do pretty much what I have wanted (this writing project, that research project, stuff like that), which is going to make for an interesting changeup when “tomorrow” becomes my today. But for me, that’s okay, because I want tomorrow to arrive. So what is tomorrow?
Tomorrow means my marriage with two wives. So my “tomorrow” is not about doing whatever I choose. Instead, and appropriately, my “tomorrow” is about them.
Candidly, I like having the ability to do whatever I choose. It has had it pleasures. Now, I haven’t done “any” thing I wanted, because I have chosen to be responsible and accountable, helping my family.
Yet, the reality is that my current life, my “today” has far more moments where I can do pretty much whatever I want, from reading a book to writing “My Story”. My day is fairly lax. I get things done, but “tomorrow” will have a much different dynamic.
For me, it seems that a man who has two women directly involved in his life can NOT truly continue doing whatever he wants and find his house successful. Why? Because the dynamics of polygamy are not the relational dynamics of monogamy.
I am NOT being pejorative toward monogamy, as difficult as monogamy is, monogamy is easy compared to the relational dynamics found within polygamy. I am NOT being conceded. I am simply being reflective, to help my two ladies, I truly have to be willing to lay aside my “wants” to help them.
So, in a sense, it could be thought of this way. I “wanted” two ladies. Since I’m going to get two ladies, then it is more than proper that my accountability and responsibility is to help them, because by choosing to live a life with two women, I have CHOSEN their needs over my own.
THAT is why the day no longer belongs to me, because my “day” now belongs to them, and that is acceptable to me.
I hope that makes sense to my reader. If not, consider that later in the prayer the Divine conveyed:
Is this pain or pleasure?
So my life of “tomorrow” is, in a sense, what it will be, simply having its ups and downs. That is why the Divine continued:
Neither and both.
That simply means that life experiences both rain and sunshine, and that it is how we choose to interpret the rain that determines whether or not the rain is pain or pleasure. Yet, a fact remains. The Divine conveyed:
You have chosen, and chosen well you have, but a day alone you will no longer have. Trust this.
So my choice to have two ladies in my life is not only acceptable, but a well-chosen choice. But, for me personally, when that “tomorrow” becomes my “today” then my “today” no longer permits me to do whatever I want, because I have chosen to assist them.
So if my reader is like me, the natural question is what the Divine conveyed next:
Now, what does this mean?
That is a question for my reflection. Here is how the Divine continued:
It means you are going to be very busy, tilling ground, bearing water, mending hearts.
Notice, up front, the Divine conveyed that I am going to be very busy. That is a drastic change from my “today” because it has been busy, but also relatively relaxing.
So what makes the day of “tomorrow” busy? The Divine gave three things: tilling ground, bearing water, mending hearts.
Three concepts. Concepts that seem more metaphoric than actual. Concepts, that in the context of the prayer, apply to the dynamics of our marital relationship.
For me, tilling ground seems fairly easy to grasp, breaking new ground on our relationship.
Bearing water is a little harder to understand, but it seems best understood that bearing water is watering the ground that has been tilled, bringing metaphoric water to the relationship that allows it to grow.
As for mending hearts, this is more difficult for me, and is why it seems that the prayer focuses a bulk of its time on this subject.
But before I address that, it is important to see that about those three things, the Divine conveyed:
This is not bad, this is good, necessary work, work which pays off, not in the moment, but weeks, months, even years down the road.
I cannot overemphasize the importance of nurturing the relationship. Even in monogamy, nurturing the relationship is important.
Often the difference between a successful relationship and an unsuccessful relationship is the manner in which the male interacts with his lady.
I can hear the voices of the feminine now, with a resounding “Duh!” But to the ladies, I give the same advice, your nurturing of your relationship with your man matters.
Monogamy is NOT a one-way street, and neither is polygamy.
A husband/wife relationship requires the traffic to flow in both directions.
A wife/husband/wife relationship requires the traffic to flow in multiple directions.
So for me, tilling the ground, and watering it, in essence preparing it, is laying the ground work for multiple avenues of relational dynamics. In a small way, I am doing this ground work by going through “My Story” reflecting on the prayers and the events in order to understand more about who I need to be.
Now, what is difficult for me to fully understand is how the Divine continued:
My son, these two women are hurt,
The reason it is difficult for me to fully understand is: what does that mean?
There will be those who have a derogatory interpretation of that, thinking that I am the one who gave the ladies their hurt.
But as the prayer unfolds that simply is NOT the case. In a sense, the prayer reveals that I am their comfort.
Yet in that thought, the Divine added:
they don’t even know how much [they hurt], but they do.
I could be incorrect in this conclusion, but I take it to mean that somehow when each lady makes her decision to spend her life with me that decision reveals how she has been hurt by others, from what others say or do.
That is why it is important that the Divine continued:
Each other and the other is not their source of pain,
That means that as difficult as it might be for the dynamics to work out between my two ladies, they are not the cause of each other’s hurt. I don’t know how they feel about that, but for me I take it as encouragement.
The Divine then added:
and neither are you,
So as much as our relationship is not mainstream, it is not I that is the cause of their hurt. That is why it is important that the Divine added:
but you are the source of their renewal.
For me, it seems to indicate, that when my ladies have made their decision to be associated with me, then I have to be worth their choice.
I am not a woman, and I have no ability to speak as a woman, all I can do is surmise. Yet in that surmising, I can recognize that when a woman makes a choice that she believes is right for her and that choice goes against the desires of her parents, friends, confidants, and other loved ones and people she holds dear, then she expects, if not demands, that her choice be right.
How can I blame her? I can’t. I won’t. Because I would, I do, expect the same.
Therefore it becomes important that the Divine continued:
So, listen up.
Taking into consideration all that I have discussed, it is important, and the Divine made it clear that I needed to pay extra attention to what is being conveyed. The Divine continued:
They need you.
I am not certain to what extent that becomes true. All I can say is that when each lady makes her decision, she needs that decision, and she needs that decision to become actuality.
Then the Divine added:
They need your tenderness.
The direct means of mending hearts, tenderness. The exact thing needed in the face of hurt. So the Divine continued:
This tenderness is their road to success,
I cannot over emphasize the importance of tenderness. The masculine needs tenderness, but not in the same way or to the same degree that the feminine does. But this truth applies to any masculine, and is a way in which he can aid his lady or ladies.
To that the Divine added:
many have hurt them, but you are not [to hurt them],
We, as husbands, actually need to intake the importance of that statement. There are many times that our struggles with our bride(s) is not because of us, but because of the hurts that they received prior to our relationship with them.
That may not be what we want to hear, but it is true in many circumstances. It is a rare thing indeed to find a woman who has not been hurt. So the importance of the husband is that he does not continue being a source of hurt for her.
That may not sound fair, because, quite frankly, we as men also receive hurts and pains from others. All I can tell the men is that we take great pride and care in so many things.
For example, we willingly fall in love with a car, even if she has been hurt by the years of wear and tear, yet we lovingly “rebuild” her with tenderness and care, caressing the body and chassis as we work to make her new again, even when she breaks our knuckles and causes us to bleed. But it is because we love the car that we give of ourselves, overcoming the pain, blood, and some mental and physical misery, because we see the end result and we love her.
The same should be our approach to our wife/wives. Sometimes, it is no easy task. Yet, the love is the same, because it is born out of appreciation, for who she is and what she can do, and the joy she gives you when she is brought back to new.
Here is how the Divine conveyed the process:
caress them, nurture them, not as a mother to a child, but as a lover to his beloved, yes his beloved.
Not the caress of sexual pursuits, even though that is most definitely part of the beauty of marriage. But caressing her in a way that shows love and appreciation, kind of like how we’d talk to our car, or run our hand down the fender, touching the body showing affection and appreciation.
Nurturing her. We do the same when we rebuild a car, we carefully clean up the parts, repair things, reassemble.
When we have our hands directly involved in our personal project car, we don’t handle her like a mechanic handles cars, that is why we work on her. Because we know that we are tender, careful, mindful of her.
The Divine continued:
The softness of your touch, your caress will bring them to complete healing, healing that has eluded them for many years…
The Divine speaks the words that I described with how we would handle the work of our favorite car.
The complete healing would be not just a beautiful automobile, but one that operates, drives, and performs to her powerful abilities. Others trashed her, but we took the time, because it was a work of love.
We will give our loving caresses to a car that someone else neglected for years. The situation is that many women have been neglected. It might not be right, it might not be fair, but that is the unfortunate case for many ladies.
So for me, I am more than willing to let go of my “today” where I can do whatever I want, in order to be the man who lovingly, tenderly, helps two ladies come to life. Therefore it is important to me that the Divine added:
This healing comes from within, but also without, it is sourced in eternity about.
I understand that to mean that healing comes from within our relationship, our bonds, but also from within me, my heart, my desire to see my ladies healthy, in all aspects.
But it also comes from without. The ‘outside’ is not from outside our family like friends or family, even though they have their benefits. The outside is from the Eternal, the One who creates life itself.
Just as I can see and believe that the Divine has assisted me in learning how to live a whole relationship with two ladies, I am just as confident that when in that relationship, the Divine will give me help.
Working together, from within and without, this help does do as the Divine conveyed:
Now this means powerful means to achieve their health… to strengthen and imbue to build the sinew.
The tendons, the ligaments, even the muscle of our relationship. From which, we become stronger for our life together.
Having conveyed all of that, the Divine added:
Now, my son, pleasure is yours,
The pleasure, like a man who rebuilds a car takes pleasure in the progress he makes, then I too can take pleasure in watching the beauty unfold in front of me, as I work within these dynamics.
Yet, the Divine added a caveat:
but not for the taking, pleasure is yours when you do the making.
And that is the difference. I could take the beauty of the rebuilt car and throttle it until I destroy it by taking from it instead of giving to it.
Or I can do as led, take pleasure in the making, the time invested to bring something to life, something that is not only healthy, but also flourishing, prosperous, successful.
For me, tomorrow feels so much closer – a time for this complex, yet rewarding endeavor.
Blessings and Shalom