I want to share a portion of my prayer from January 3, 2015 (Month 10 Day 12). During my prayer time at Havdalah, I began with: Father, I am here. May I know what you will tell me tonight? The Divine responded:
Yes, you may learn…
Later in the prayer, the Divine conveyed:
…my son, make no mistake,
You know, I have experienced many things in my life. I have made several mistakes in my life. But the word “mistake” is an extremely wide ranging term, meaning anything from a blooper to a lapse in judgment and that same word can refer to anything from a blunder to a misstep.
So what is a “mistake”?
After spending mountains of time talking with people, there are those who believe that I am making a “mistake” by pursuing this path. They offer their reasons for their assessment, and their reasons vary. But you know, there is an odd reality that exists in the society of the United States, there are those who live the life I’m describing.
So what is a “mistake”?
In the context of the prayer, the Divine conveyed:
easy this is not,
Okay. So my life will not be easy. What that means exactly, I don’t know. Then the Divine continued:
torturous it is not,
Well, it might not be easy, but it’s at least not torture. Now, some men, based upon how they view having one wife, would view having two women as torture. I’ll just leave it at that.
So what is torture? Some would say walking away from family and lifelong friends. In some instances, I imagine that could be true.
As non-easy and as non-torturous as it will be, the road in front of me has so many unknowns that those unknowns would be too much for some.
Well, if I knew back in 1991, the things I know now about having been married, well, you know what, it probably would have scared the crap out of me. But the beauty of then is that I didn’t know anything, and that lack of knowledge made for a journey that could very well be described as marriage: easy it is not, but torturous it is not.
Yet look at how many let the challenges of married life keep them from having a committed monogamous relationship, and the numbers are growing.
Somewhere and I don’t recall where, I also came to understand that monogamy is incapable of helping with the reality of a marriage with two women. Yet, one might think that a successful monogamous relationship would lend something to having success.
While I am not yet there working relationally with two ladies, I have come to accept that my monogamous relationship lends no practical help to the relational dynamics of two women. So it is interesting that the Divine continued:
but simple it’s not,
So there it is. In a phrase: it ain’t simple.
Look, I’m not trying to be insulting to anyone, but there are times that humans refuse to do something because they view it as too complex. Complexity keeps many from achieving, because so many people want simplicity, but life itself is anything but simple.
Immediately following that, the Divine conveyed:
difficult it is,
And you want to know something? It is. It is difficult.
It has been difficult since I became aware of things within my life. It has been difficult since I started talking with people, and I don’t expect judgmentalism to end any time soon.
But it has been said “anything worth having is worth fighting for.” That simply conveys that things are difficult, but that difficult things are worth having.
How difficult will it be? I have no real clue.
Do I care how difficult it will be? Sure, only a witless fool would not consider the difficulty in front of them.
I simply know that I have faced difficult things before, not a relationship-with-two-women difficult, but I have faced challenges and found victory.
For me, personally, what matters is what is next. The Divine conveyed:
but you wanted something worth your efforts, wanted something to build, this is it…
And that is really all that matters. I did want something worth my effort. Selfish? Not really. My life is mine, and I only get one shot at this life. But I sure wasn’t wanting to sit on my hands or run on a hamster wheel, or add my labors to efforts that don’t really matter.
I WANT, I need, my life to matter, which is why back in 2009/2010 I prayed for something. I had NO clue what it would be, I just knew that where I was, was NOT worth my efforts.
So, in that sense, I did want to build something. Some people want to be a musician, others a painter, others a business man, or an entrepreneur, or whatever.
I wanted to contribute to the work of discipleship. It took me a long time to accept, but this is a way to help people, both monogamous and polygamous, Christian and non-Christian, and that is important.
I want to share something from my prayer on January 10, 2015 (Month 10 Day 19). I began with: Blessed… The Divine interrupted:
No blessing. Just listen.
So I set out to listen. In the prayer the Divine conveyed:
She is watching, and waiting, kind she will be, nervous, extremely nervous, but kind…
That was from January 2015. Like other prayers, I assume that this “she” is referring to Rachel.
What do those things mean? I really don’t know, especially since this is now 2016, specifically the latter part of September.
Right after that, in the prayer, the Divine conveyed:
you be kind in return, gracious, super gracious.
So what does that mean? I am not really sure, except that I am to be those things.
I want to share some things from a prayer on January 29, 2015. I began with a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who creates the heaven and the earth. The Divine responded:
My son, blessings are good, blessings are excellent.
So for my reader who has kept up with me, the Divine has accepted blessings from me, the Divine has stopped me from giving blessings, the Divine led me not to give blessings, and the Divine has led me to give blessings.
Blessings are an interesting part of life, giving praise from myself to the Divine. But the manner in which the Divine responded is quite telling. Blessings are both good and excellent, so give praise to the Divine.
Later in that same prayer, the Divine conveyed:
…she’ll call you in a day or two, make sure to smile when all goes well…
Again, I presume that the “she” refers to Rachel. Again, this prayer was from back in January 2015.
What is conveyed is that she’ll call in a day or two. Well, back then, I think, but I am not too certain, I thought that a “day” meant a literal day, that within twenty-four or forty-eight hours something would happen.
But, as I have been learning, concepts of time are elusive, at least in my prayers. So perhaps a day doesn’t mean a literal day, but I am not absolutely certain.
If ‘day’ literally means a twenty-four hour period, and a literal twenty-four hour period was the intent of the prayer, then I have absolutely no idea what it indicates. If that is true, then I have absolutely no idea what it indicates that the things of the prayer did not come to pass.
Some will pointedly identify that the ‘day’ in the prayer is twenty-four hours, and since the event of the prayer did not occur, then the prayer is not from the Divine.
But I am not convinced of that, for two reasons. One reason is what I articulated about ‘day’ referring to a metaphorical day and not a literal day. The second reason is that if she was to call me, she is the variable, not the Divine.
For me, that second item makes the Divine accurate and conveying things accurately, but as with everything, humanity does not have to be in harmony with the Divine.
So where am I in all of this?
I am at peace with the process that I have experienced. It has not been easy, but it has been worth it.
But I am displeased with the results from those who have articulated to me that the Scriptures define truth. What I have found is that they believe the Scriptures articulate truth, but that truth is ONLY understood through the preferences of the church, whichever church that might be.
That simply means that those who stridently retort to me that the Scriptures identify truth, argue making the Scriptures say something they are not saying, in particular with the concept of marriage consisting of a man with two wives.
I don’t see this stridency and conflict going away any time soon. Why? Because there is an adamant policy within the Church, all Churches, that monogamy is the *only* acceptable marriage.
There are lots of heated discussions about what the Scriptures intend, but the reality is, to make the Scriptures permit *only* monogamy is to make the Scriptures say something they are not saying.
I don’t expect this to change in my lifetime. I simply accept that Christendom is currently battling with one man having two wives, the same way Christendom battled with interracial marriage.
Blessings and Shalom