Installment 118

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I’ve made it into February of 2015. I’ve covered lots of information. Sometimes it’s been easy to understand. Sometimes it’s been mysterious, and this Installment continues some of the mysterious.

The mysterious is the unsolved, where I can only speculate. One might think that a prayer life would be clarity and lucidity. But that has not always been the case for me.

Consider a prayer from February 14, 2015 (Month 11 Day 25). I began: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, the fulfiller of all that is to be fulfilled. The Divine responded:

Yes, but not quite.

Wait! What? The Divine is, but the Divine is not the fulfiller. So consider that the Divine continued:

Fulfilled comes through participation, and participation is not always given at the proper time, it will be fulfilled at the proper time, when the proper entity yields itself to my will.

Think about that, I mean really think about that, and let that sink in.

The Divine is conveying that fulfillment is achieved only through participation. This means that that the Divine does not act via a singular movement to the Divine’s purpose.

In a sense, it is like a sports team, like a car racing team. There is the owner, who orchestrates the organization, but ‘fulfillment’ which is victory is found when others participate. The owner could sell all the merch they want, but sales do not equal victory.

Since a car racing team’s victory requires participation from those in the organization, it therefore stands analogous that ‘fulfillment’ of the Divine’s will requires participation in the Divine organization.

The Divine conveyed that “participation is not always given at the proper time”. That seems to indicate that one could choose not to participate. But then that seems to insinuate that one could choose to thwart the will of the Divine.

However, that does not seem to be the case, and the Divine be the Divine. Since the Divine by nature of being the Divine achieves the will of the Divine, then that which was conveyed must insinuate something else.

So consider that the Divine added “it will be fulfilled at the proper time, when the proper entity yields itself to my will.” This seems to indicate that the will of the Divine is fulfilled, and is fulfilled at the proper time, but that proper time seems tied to the moment “when the proper entity yields itself to my will.”

So this is almost a paradox, the will of Divine is fulfilled, but fulfilled at the moment the correct entity acquiesces to the Divine. Notice that the word “entity” is used. That could be a person, a place, or thing, where this entity agrees that the will of the Divine is appropriate.

Now, what boggles the mind is that we perceive time in linear moments. But linear is not necessarily how the Divine perceives “time”. Who’s to know what “time” means to the Divine.

Thus, as limited humans, and because we see time linearly, we think that something could not work because it doesn’t fall into the timing for the will of the Divine. But, since the Divine exists outside linear time, the will of the Divine is only dependent upon “when” the entity yields to the Divine’s will.

That simply seems to mean that the Divine is dependent upon any one particular entity to achieve the will of the Divine. An entity could have been the proper one, but the entity chose not to acquiesce to the will of the Divine. Another entity can come along and choose to yield to the will, and thus the timing for fulfillment correlates.

It seems like all kinds of theoretical quantum-metaphysic type stuff. A mind bender, but what is understood is that for the Divine to accomplish the will of the Divine requires participation, and not every entity wants to participate. But for those entities that participate, they are able to participate in the unfolding of cosmic events.

So in this Installment of mysteriousness, I share a dream from February 15, 2015 (Month 11 Day 26). I wrote in my journal that I entitled it: Fuel Dream. I wrote the following into my journal:

I awoke when I realized that I was having an experience of admitting I was a dumbass. I was in an SUV, a Ford Explorer I think, I was traveling around with Mary. I think I owned the SUV.

We drove to a “mall”. I drove into a wrong parking lot. It was a fenced in parking area, the entrance gate was closed but I saw a rear gate that was open and there was a female standing there and I drove through that gate into that fenced parking lot thinking it would give me some type of advantage and I turned around and drove out through the gate that I drove into and to drive out I think I had to drive around an obstacle or two, like a car or a parking space curb. Then somehow I knew I wasn’t supposed to be in that parking lot, but went in there to “park” and then didn’t because I knew I shouldn’t park there, so I drove out of that lot and into the proper area to park.

I don’t know where I parked, but the next thing I know we had walked into a building (a store?) that was some type of resale shop, it felt like a Goodwill type store. It felt like we had been there once before. We look around, but I don’t recall anything.

I think all of the parking and “mall” shopping took place at night, for the next thing I know, I am driving around town in the daylight. I seem to be driving out of town, but turn around and go back into town, and there is a man with me in the car, a friend (peer?), I’m not sure who he is, but he is patient with me for I don’t know where I am going or how to properly drive, for on one road, I know I took a wrong turn, I think I backed up, but on the main thorough fair, I stopped where there was no intersection, like I stopped in the middle of my lane, hands on the wheel, simply no forward progress, but I thought I had stopped at a stop sign.

A vehicle pulls up on my left, for I am in the driver’s seat of the SUV, and the vehicle to my left, kind of stops like it doesn’t know what I am doing (because I don’t know what I am doing) and proceeds (I didn’t look over at it but I knew it was there), I thought I was at a stop sign but there wasn’t one there when I looked, as I see this I proceed on, I resume forward momentum realizing that I had stopped in the road and did not know why I am stopped. It seems we have been on a unidirectional road with two lanes.

The next thing I know I am at a gas station, and I thought I was in front of a fuel pump. But I learn later, because the amount of fuel put into the SUV seemed significantly less than what it should have been, for it felt like the fuel tank was nearing empty, but I only put in less that six gallons(?) into the tank (5.9 or something like that if I recall correctly).

I think, but I’m not sure, that it is chilly outside, because the man who is with me takes notice that ice is falling off the gas station sign meaning it is thawing, he directs my attention to the sign in the sky. I can’t recall if that sign tells of the fuel prices or not. But the fuel was filled, I return the hose to the pump, but I realize that I didn’t take fuel from a pump, but from a fuel truck, and from the fuel truck I had used the high volume flow handle, the handle was green, at first I thought I put diesel into this SUV and I knew that if I did that would be horrible, so I looked at the size of the fuel handle/nozzle and it looked to be the size of unleaded, but I recall thinking in the dream, “I thought high flow pumps were only for diesel.” And thought that weird, but assumed because the handle was on the fuel truck that there was some type of exception in order to make fuel deliver faster from fuel truck to station.

So I went inside the station, called out to the clerk, if I recall correctly, told them something like, “I’m sorry for being a dumbass” and explained the situation. They called a manager, informed the manager of me the dumbass because I recall the attendant referring to me as a dumbass, I felt like: you know, I admitted it but you didn’t have to say it. Somehow the calculations were done and things were corrected.

After writing that dream into my journal, I immediately recorded the following:

I asked God to help me have the interpretation, but he let me understand that I could figure out the dream.

Even as I read through the dream, it feels muddied, like I barely even recall having it. But I recorded the following into my journal:

Mary and I spent time considering the elements and the actions. Here is what we saw: lots of mistakes, but the mistakes made no lasting effect, and I ended up refueling and did not lose as much fuel as I thought…

I suppose the largest lesson from the dream is that I was making dumb mistakes. Yeah, I hear the critics now, I’ve addressed you elsewhere, so I resume my discussion. In the dream I was driving here and there trying to find something, stopped at some odd location on the main roadway, then found my self at a fuel station.

Even though I had been driving around trying to get wherever I was going, I had not used as much fuel as I had expected. But instead of refueling my SUV at a fuel pump, I used a fuel truck to refuel my SUV. So I find that particularly odd.

I also refueled with a high capacity system. So I wasn’t as low on fuel as I expected, so my journey has not left me on empty. And when I refueled, I was able to do so speedily. Yet, I admit, I made mistakes, looked like a fool.

All while it seems that winter is having some kind of effect because there is ice. But it seems that whatever was frozen is thawing. Maybe then whatever was “frozen” within my life is beginning to thaw.

Oddly, I have one more dream to share before I return to the prayers. This dream is from February 18, 2015 (Month 11 Day 29). I entitled it: Rip Rock Dream. I wrote the following into my journal:

This morning I realized I was dreaming when Mary asked me why I was laughing. Here is what I recall.

I was in a place out in the Texas(?) countryside (I think it was Texas because the people in the dream were coworkers from [a place where I used to work] and the landscape reminded me of Texas).

The location where I was, was a place that had been washed out because of rain (flood) water, it looked like typical south central Texas landscape after the flood waters had long ago receded, dry earth, but ripped up and brush torn out, needing reinforcement to keep any more top soil from washing away at the next rain storm.

The first person I spoke too was a school bus driver trainer, he expressed his surprise that I was there, and I responded that I would like to move out there because the city traffic sucks, and we talked about that for a bit.

Then, I saw two Cessna planes fly in. I noticed them fly from my left to my right, a good distance in front of me they dropped rip rocks onto the area were the previous rain storm(s) had washed out part of the landscape.

Then from my left, [another man] called out to me, he was the outside guy, nearest me but still a good distance from me, in a wide line of men who were walking toward my direction from my left, using the weight of their bodies to stamp into the ground the rip rock that the Cessna planes had been dropping. He said something about me getting him some water along with mentioning a tv station number, I think it was channel 24. I responded with something like, “from channel 8?” and he laughed expressing that I had not changed, and I laughed, but I knew he wanted water.

That is when Mary asked me why I was laughing, her query woke me, so I’m not sure if I ever gave him his water.

My journal doesn’t reveal any additional notes. I have no real clue what the TV station has to do with anything. It simply seems that there are those there with me, as we see the landscape being reconditioned from the flooding that had ravaged the area.

So perhaps this means that I had something that affected me, like a flood, and with that flooding over, life has to resume, which includes taking protective measures to help the area affected by the flood waters.

But before my reader concludes that that dream refers to the direction of my life, the reader must consider those things along with some things from my prayers during the same month.

The mysterious continues. Consider some things from my prayer on February 21, 2015 (Month 12 Day 02). In part, the Divine conveyed:

Now hear me. Tonight she contacts you. …be not surprised, nor afraid, she’s ready to speak with you. … She is no longer timid, but she is certainly curious.

The Divine began with the exhortation to “hear” that which was conveyed.

First, it is my assumption that “she” is referring to Rachel.

If by “tonight” the Divine meant the night of that prayer, then that “night” came and went; ergo there was no contact. If by “tonight” the Divine refers to something metaphorical, well, then I guess there is contact that will be made.

For me, this is like a dream that you remember having but have no clue why you had the dream. It happened, it exists in your experience, but there is nothing to provide clarity.

That kind of thing makes it difficult to understand, and this part of the prayer doesn’t provide too much clarity. The Divine conveyed:

Now, this meeting is of two hearts,

Two hearts, I take that to mean her heart and mine. The Divine then continued:

hurting, yours, hers, together,

But that is where it gets odd – hurting. Back then, I think I was hurting, emotionally about what was happening, from the prayers to my own experiences, from the unfolding of things with family and friends.

Here at this point in 2016, I ‘hurt’ in the sense that I expect this life to become. My heart aches for my life to unfold, but it has yet to develop.

As for her heart, it remains a mystery. But the Divine continued:

you’ll feel it, sense it, know it,

To go back in the prayer, the word “tonight” could be interpreted as the night of my prayer. But you see, this future tense of “you’ll” is what makes it difficult for me to understand ‘tonight’ and why ‘tonight’ could be metaphoric as opposed to that actual night.

But either way, it still remains a mystery, for it has yet to be revealed. The Divine continued:

healing begins right here, your heart, her heart, Mary’s heart, life is fully together, this will be amazing.

So that is why “she” and “her” do not refer to Mary, because it is an itemization of three: my, she, and Mary. Yet, it is supposed to be something healthy.

Notice, that future tense again is used “will be amazing.”

My life with Mary is good, but the prayer said that the healing and life together as three would be amazing. Not just amazing for me, or amazing for her, or amazing for Mary, but amazing for all of us. Yet that amazing is still an unknown, and remains mysterious.

The mysterious continues. Consider this from my prayer back February 28, 2015 (Month 12 Day 09). In part, the Divine conveyed:

Now, for something different, for her and her alone.

The prayer itself had three separate sections. The first conveyed things about me. The last section conveyed things about Mary.

The section in the middle conveyed things about “her”. As previously, the “her” seems to refer to Rachel.

What is intriguing to me is that this section focuses directly on “her” and “her alone”. What that specifically means, I am unsure. The Divine continued:

You are my darling, my sweet buttercup, sweet as honey, fresh as rain, like the dew upon the morning grass, tender and sublime.

I simply share my prayers, recognizing that this prayer remains mysterious. I have never met whoever this “her” is, but this information seems to be about her. What can be seen is that the Divine addresses her, then describes her. The Divine continued:

The sun grows strong and stronger still, be not afraid the heat draws on, noon tide is near, your grass will not wilt, your roots will not wither.

The Divine seems to be conveying that she is facing the “heat of day”. I am supposing that is metaphoric. But what is important is that the Divine encouraged her to know that she would not suffer even though the heat of day was to grow. The Divine continued:

You are stronger than you know, but I know, and strength you have.

The Divine continued the encouragement telling her that she has strength. Strength to do what though, that is the mystery. The Divine continued:

Your strength has taken you places, places wide and influential, but your strength brings you to a family.

Yet, the Divine reveals some of the mystery, her strength took her places. It seems that the physical locations were not so much the focus as that the places were extensive and significant, ye the mystery remains.

However, the Divine conveyed that her strength takes her to a family. Is family metaphoric? Is family actual? Is it her family? The Divine continued:

Family is beautiful just like dew, glimmers in the light, shines forth like light from a candle.

Yet, the Divine does reveal something about the mystery by conveying concepts about family. Family is compared to the morning dew that reflects the sunlight as the morning makes itself known. Family is compared to light emanating from a candle.

It is only a surmise, but while candles are wax and do melt with use, they give off a soft glow. While not brighter than a light bulb or light emitting diode, the candle is light that invites. No one has romantic LED dinner. No. Dinner by candlelight is always considered more appealing, providing an atmosphere of acceptance and closeness of relationship. Then the Divine closed the section:

This candle is pure of the purest wax, the best paraffin, in that purity sets illumination, and illumination you’ll have. Amen.

Notice that again there is a future tense “you’ll have”. But with this the Divine describes the candle that gives the light.

All I can think is that candle appears to be remarkable. I suppose the family is likened unto a candle. The family, like the candle will eventually consume all of its wax. In a sense, that sounds horrible, but it really is quite a poetic picture.

A candle has a natural life span. It’s created. Its wick is lighted. Its wick burns. It burns until there is nothing remaining. That is the nature of the candle.

A family has a natural life span. It’s created. Its “wick” is lighted. The family grows, lives, breathes.

Like the candle, the family can draw people to its illumination, and by that light other people around the family can see. The beauty of family is that family does not have to be extinguished, the light of family can live on.

Blessings and Shalom