Installment 119

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As I make my way into March 2015, the mysteriousness of things continued. On March 07, 2015 (Month 12 Day 16), at prayer time, I wrote in my journal:

As I was getting ready, I told myself ‘no blessing’ because I have been told in recent prayers not to give one. But, as soon as I said that to myself, my spirit heard, “You are to give a blessing.”

Here’s the blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who brings his will into existence. The Divine responded:

Yes I do.

During the prayer, the Divine conveyed:

Now my son, for you. Life is good and life is grand, it is in your hand.

The attention was brought to me in order to tell me about life. You want to know something? That is NOT how I used to look at life.

I did not see life as bleak, but my religious upbringing and my educational training never really encouraged me to see life as good and grand. My religious training molded me to always be cautious that the God of life was willing and ready to punish for one wrong move. There was no latitude for error, because error spelled doom.

Therefore, even in the education I undertook, it was about being conventional, a type of traditional conformist, reigning in the adventurous spirit, planning things through serious contemplation for mitigated risks.

Don’t get me wrong, I took risks. But by the time my mid-twenties rolled around, family, friends, culture, and religion had all imposed their retribution and judgment against risk taking. This lesson was: conform or be damned. And I lived that way until I was in my late 30s.

In that time period, I began taking a different risk. After years of Bible study, I challenged my religious heritage and its understanding of the Scriptures. Those who have read my material know the outcome. I walked away from my heritage, but I didn’t back away from the risk. What was the risk? Drawing doctrinal conclusions at variance with my heritage.

After leaving, it took me years to learn that they were doing what the prayer led me to understand: life is in your hand. They made their choices to be risk averse, every doctrinal decision that my religious heritage determined, at its core, a decision to err on the side of caution. So to live life at variance to that is highly risky.

But the Divine conveyed “Life is good and life is grand, it is in your hand.” That simply means that I do not have to be risk averse. I want a good life. But, I also want a grand life. The most difficult thing though is to realize that good and grand are my own responsibility. That means that what comes my way or doesn’t, in large part, depends on me.

That is so counterintuitive to that which has been taught me. But there it is. So consider that during that same prayer the Divine conveyed:

The hand of two is unlike anything else, special they are, special to me, for me, you see, they are for me supreme,

The hand of two is a poetic way of referring to having two women in my life, and the statements that follow that make that clear.

But what is important is how the Divine refers to them. They are referred to as being supreme and special to the Divine. That puts them in a particular, if not extraordinary, position. They belong, first and foremost, to the Divine.

From there, the Divine conveyed:

now for me, you as three is majesty, majestic in fact that you reveal me, to reveal me is key, you see, to see me is free, freedom is liberty unmatched, desired from me through me and only me.

I think that the majesty, meaning the splendor and dignity, of the Divine can and will be revealed in how we live our life in one marriage.

Look, that is not so far fetched. That picture is supposed to be seen with one husband and one wife, that the marriage and family is lived in such a fashion that the majesty of the Divine is witnessed, that the Divine is active in the family.

That happens. It does happen. Monogamy routinely reveals the Divine. But people have this uncomplimentary belief and opinion about a husband having more than one wife.

I am not picking on monogamy, but I am being objective. In many instances, monogamy fails to live up to what it is supposed to reveal. That is not a failure of monogamy. That is a failure of the individuals in the marriage. Yet sadly, the church has painted and imposed a monogamous fairy tale that if the people would simply live that marriage, then the Divine can be found.

Instead of painting an untrue picture, the church needs to identify properly that it is the individuals within the Biblical marriage, and those individuals working in harmony with the Divine, that reveal the majesty of the Divine. This means whether their marriage is Biblical monogamy or Biblical polygamy, the “marriage” does not matter. What matters is the way in which the individuals live.

With that, let me return to the mysterious. In that same prayer, the Divine conveyed:

Now consider this. She is ready. She is not. Timid she is. Timid she’s not. Persuaded she is. Persuaded she’s not.

Later in the prayer, the Divine conveys things about Mary, so I assume that this is referring to Rachel.

That was back in February 2015. What did it mean? From that which was conveyed, she was back and forth. Is that still the case? I don’t have any clue. Mysterious it is to me.

What is fascinating is what happened during that prayer. In that exact same prayer, the Divine conveyed:

I’ll show you [some characteristics], amazed she will be, so set her free.

Right now, as I go back through this prayer, I am still mystified about prayer. Prayer helps me, led me to be less judgmental, more honest. But this type of thing boggles me. I assume the “she” and “her” is Rachel. The Divine continued:

Here is her first characteristic. She’s shy. Oh my is she shy.

Is that true? I have no clue. All I can say is that this is the first characteristic that was presented during my prayers. The Divine continued:

Shy because of a little friend who hurt her long ago, remember she will, but only because thou sayest, forgot she has until this day.

Again, I assume this is referring to Rachel. I have no way of proving this true or untrue, because whoever she is, she has not yet become part of my life. For me, the answer resides with her. The Divine added:

She believes she is vibrant and outgoing, but these simply hide the shyness within.

Again, mysterious.

From February 16, 2015 through March 13, 2015 I wrote a series of notes that I published on Facebook. I don’t recall exactly what inspired me to write those notes, but as I look back I am thinking it might have been from my prayer back on February 7, 2015. On March 13, 2015 I published my last note of 52 notes, in it I specified why I was no longer writing them.

I don’t consider the notes mysterious. They were something I felt that I was to do. I wrote them. Were they good? I offer: meh. I have never gone back and re-read them. I think there must have been interesting tidbits, but who knows.

But for me, the mysterious continued to unfold during March of 2015. On March 14 (Month 12 Day 23), my family observed Havdalah at our home and broke bread and partook of the fruit of the vine. In my journal I wrote:

I was eating matza and I heard, “Let’s talk. No blessing.”

So I began my prayer time with: I am here father. The Divine responded:

My son, you’ve had a hard day.

One might think that I would record what made that day difficult, but alas. So I am left with only the reference in the prayer. Interestingly, the prayer went immediately from that statement to the following, the Divine continued:

She’s done a number to herself,

Again, I assume this “she” refers to Rachel. But it seems odd what was conveyed. Somehow, in someway, “she” has hurt herself. In what way? I can only surmise.

Her hurt could be emotional, financial, spiritual, physical, or any number of things. So it becomes interesting that in the prayer the Divine conveyed:

Now here’s what this means, she will repent, I’ve foreseen [it], I’ve ensured it.

From that, one could assume that it is spiritual, and that is because repentance seems applied to only to spiritual matters. But one can repent physically, meaning one has been driving down the wrong road, and makes the change to be on the correct road. One can repent financially, choosing to invest in one area and then remove that investment.

All I know from the prayer is that something happened, that it affected her, in that she will change. It’s all mysterious. The Divine continued:

But, what we don’t know is when. Some people take forever proverbially speaking, she will not, but it may take some time.

You know that is the thing, is it not – when? “When” can be any time. It could have been then. But it wasn’t. It could have been today. But it wasn’t.

So “when” is it? It’s a mystery, which is why the “forever proverbially speaking” was conveyed. That phrase is common, expressing how long something takes. Sometimes, if it takes ten minutes to fill up our automobile, it seems like it took forever, even though it didn’t.

While mysterious, the Divine continued:

Now, what this means is this: when she returns, she returns broken, humbled, distraught.

Returns? Returns to where? Herself? Only thing that can be understood from the prayer is that when she returns it has unpleasant aspects entwined with it. Whatever it is, is not easy. The Divine continued:

She’s never, and I mean never, felt this way.

Felt what way? Again the mystery remains. The Divine continued:

She’s never fallen, and she has fallen hard, flat, and I mean flat, on her face, and not in a good way.

Fallen? In what way? One can fall spiritually when they transgress, but one can also fall hard when they fall in love. In the sense of the prayer, it was a feeling. Was it the feeling that made her fall?

Yet the prayer conveys that she fell in a way that was not good. So whatever it is, it is heaviness to her spirit and heart. That cannot be an easy place to be. But the Divine did not leave it gloomy, the Divine continued:

She will recover, but it will take some time,

The main thing I notice is that “some time” is shorter than the “forever proverbially speaking”. That for her is good.

If that mysteriousness was not enough, the Divine conveyed:

and then you,

The Divine moved from focusing on her to focusing on me. The Divine conveyed:

the work of restoration is yours…

Restoration? What does that mean? From the prayer and my assumption, it seems this involves her, which seems to insinuate that some type of close proximity is needed.

As with so much during February and now March of 2015, things were conveyed to me that were difficult to understand. In that prayer, the Divine conveyed:

for only a male can rebuild, weird, but true…

Why is it only a male can rebuild? I don’t know. One would think that anyone, female or male, could rebuild whatever was “broken”. But according to the prayer, that does not seem to be the case.

For this particular part of the prayer, one last thing was given, the Divine conveyed:

Your work is cut out for you, this is a biggie, so take your rest, for you won’t get much [rest] when she repents, which she will.

The mystery remains.

Before the prayer concluded, the Divine conveyed one additional thing. It is just as mysterious:

Now consider this:

Something that I am to think about, and I choose to share with my reader. The Divine continued:

twiddle dee, twiddle dum, whose the one who fell on her bum?

As for the first four words, I present them as I recorded it, in a sense, how I felt they were conveyed. But as far as I know Twiddledee and Twiddledum were characters in “Through The Looking-Glass” by Lewis Carroll, which means, I suppose, that surmisings can abound.

Yet, it provides the beginning of a poetic rhyme that focuses on a female. The Divine continued:

Fat she felt, sat she dealt, below the belt it was felt.

Since this involves a female, I am not certain that the word is being used derogatorily regarding her weight. Instead, it was something she felt, which means the word she felt may not even be accurate.

As for the remainder, what was dealt? A card game? But something happened that was off limits, kind of like in boxing, certain punches are not permitted, nothing below the belt.

To me, this is a metaphor referring to something specific, but the prayer makes nothing specifically known. The Divine continued:

Smacked her hard, smacked her back, down for the count, but back she’ll be.

For me, with “down for the count” the metaphor of boxing continued. As for the beginning of the statement, it seems that whatever happened, it was unpleasant and caused the situation in which she found herself.

But, as the Divine conveyed, like a famous movie line, she’ll be back. In what way? That’s a mystery to me.

Before this section of the prayer closed, the Divine conveyed:

From death comes life, and death needed to be.

This is about the only thing I feel that I can understand. It’s a metaphor, sure. But the metaphor is understandable, like a seed of grain that has to be planted into the ground, it “dies” in order for new life to become.

Like the seed of grain can’t give life without dying, for her a metaphoric death had to occur. What that death is – remains a mystery.

There was one final thing the Divine conveyed:

You have my blessings. Good night.

With that, the prayer closed.

Here, some eighteen months later, I’m still scratching my head, but doing my work, helping my family, and anticipating this new life.

Blessings and Shalom