Installment 126

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For a change of pace, I want to share something that I experienced during a prayer from April 18, 2015 (Month 1 Day 29). The Divine conveyed:

Arguments come. Arguments go.

That is certainly life. One day we have an argument with someone, could even be an argument with someone we love. The next day, no argument. In fact, arguments could be quite infrequent, but yet they still arise.

The Divine continued:

Strength of love changes all,

That is the hope. Is it not? We believe that the strength of love will change things. Yet, the Divine continued:

or changes nothing at all.

Sadly that also occurs. One can express their love, demonstrate their love, be loving, being everything the other person actually needs, yet that love was not enough.

It is not that the love wasn’t enough, it’s that the other person somehow decided or determined that the love did not match what they needed.

Difficult thing – love.

It’s not that love is bad. It’s not. But sometimes love given and shown doesn’t match the expectation of the one being loved. Therein sets heartbreak.

Whose fault is it? Is it anyone’s fault?

Life is tremendously difficult. Aside from the few truly rotten apples, most people want to do good, they want to love, they want to be loved. Yet somehow we seem to mess up the most beautiful thing.

Why is that?

My only answer, and it is not an answer that consoles, it’s just simple reality – we’re human, therefore we are flawed and make mistakes even with love.

Yet, consider how the Divine continued:

Love is powerful, more powerful than arguments, more powerful than losing, yet arguments remain.

Love is the most powerful thing on earth. Love truly can change things.

But the counterpoint to that is the one receiving the love has to: a) want the love, b) be willing to accept the love when it doesn’t match their expectations.

We’re flawed. That means that no person shows “perfect” love. Humans show “imperfect” love perfectly, if that makes sense.

Yet, in our imperfections, we desperately want to give and receive love.

With that in mind, the next part of the prayer is interesting. The Divine conveyed:

Now consider this: life is sometimes calm as the sea, unturbulent, passable, voyage made safe, scenic,

That is quite often true – blue skies, smooth as glass seas, picture perfect, enjoyable really, but nothing really noteworthy either.

Yes, a perfect day is noteworthy, but it lacks, um, I’ll use the word – excitement. So consider how the Divine continued:

but no real story to tell.

You see that’s the kicker. We all want a picture perfect day, but when we get it, our story is b o r i n g, oh so BORING.

Yes, the day was calm. It was beautiful. But there is no excitement to the tale. There is nothing that draws in the hearers of our tale. They check out of our beautiful day.

But, give the story a turn, and we have what the Divine conveyed:

Now here’s the thing – to have a story, turbulence is needed, without turbulence there is no story,

You want to know something, every good story has exactly that. Not one book, not one movie, not even a song is written without having some kind of turbulence, a tumult that challenges the main character(s), an unrest to their lives, a moment of confusion – all before the story settles.

With that the character(s) is/are changed, usually for the better, and the tension is resolved. So consider how the Divine concluded that imagery:

so to have a story, have turbulence, no turbulence, no story, so have a story.

Yet, that is the very thing we don’t want – we don’t want turbulence. We want a smooth sail from point A to point B – smooth sailing from birth to death.

But you know what? The classic tales that stick with humanity have turbulence, for without some uproar, or some chaos, or some havoc, or some kind of turmoil, the story is b o r i n g, and no one likes a boring story.

Well, so far while difficult to tell and some feel difficult to believe, “My Story” has been anything other than smooth sailing.

I have a story. I just don’t know where the final chapters come into the narrative.

So as I move toward closing out this Installment, allow me to share a dream from April 24, 2015 (Month 2 Day 5). I wrote in my journal:

I awoke this morning realizing I was dreaming. The dream began with me watching a bunch of aircraft taking off from a military style air show. Now, I didn’t see them actually “take off” because I was located in a housing subdivision.

I was standing near a street corner, under some trees when I looked up into the sky and saw what seemed like hundreds of planes taking to the sky, for they were still fairly low to the ground. The last plane was similar in style to the Pelican aircraft from the video game Halo.

I knew it had jet thrust capabilities, but used its wings to maneuver it into various positions. The Pelican while still “taking off” and gaining altitude, banked left, went into a barrel roll, and as it was rolling it lost altitude and crashed into the ground, sliding across the surface and came to a stop, touching my house, knocking down the wall.

I remember being only able to salvage my automobile (not really sure what it was) and my computer, oddly enough.

For whatever reason, the next segment of the dream has a specific female anchor from Good Morning America being at my house, taking compassion on me.

She came to my house, walked with me from my house, down the street, going to the right from my house, down to the corner, and hiring me in her food factory, which was location near my house but I guess I was unaware of that dream “reality”.

She showed me the place where they were raising salmon. She showed me that from like a third or fourth story location as we looked forward and down to our right upon the water trough system that was providing the needed area for the salmon to mature into sellable product.

Somewhere in there, we were sitting on that upper level, and I knew she was hiring me, but also hitting on me, as in making a pass for my sensual and sexual affections because she was not only showing her legs, but also permitting her lengthy skirt to ride loosely to the side, falling in order to expose her femininity, only partially hidden by her underwear.

Somewhere in the dream, I know I recognized that I was hired because I was doing some work with the factory, doing something with the products, which included some kind of beef, which was in addition to the salmon farm.

Interestingly and importantly, in the dream I knew I was hired, but in the dream I also knew that I had agreed to give myself to her sensually and sexually, whether or not it had actually transpired is immaterial, for I knew the price of being hired, the price of being hired was that I was to be involved with her sensually and sexually.

A dream, but also a story. In the dream, a nice day turned to turmoil because of turbulence. Yet, someone was there to comfort the turmoil, but it became uncomfortable, and changed my dream’s character.

Was my dream character changed for the better? Hard to say, because the dream did not seem to have any resolution.

Why did that dream stuff happen? I don’t know.

In the dream, my day simply began calm, with me standing under some trees watching events take place. In the dream, the next thing I know is that my house had been affected by a “plane” crash.

Then, in the dream, it moves to me obtaining work, yet finding that work because of, well, whatever happened between me and the woman in the dream.

Why do dreams unfold the way they do? Do dreams reveal something to us about ourselves? Do dreams reveal something about the conscious world?

I don’t have those answers. All I know is that the dream is a type of story, and in that story turbulence was involved. How that turbulence affected the dream me and that is something I don’t know how to answer.

So one last thing before I close this Installment. On April 25, 2015 (Month 2 Day 6) I prayed. I began: I am here Father. The Divine responded:

Listen my son to this:

So as in the previous prayers, there is something that I am to listen in order to understand. The Divine continued:

Her heart is like a freight train, it rolls down the tracks,

I assume that the ‘her’ refers to Rachel, but I am not certain.

But what is of interest to me is that whoever or whatever the ‘her’ is, she is being compared to a freight train.

Trains are big, massive, marvels of transportation logistics. Without trains, much of what we know as modern commerce would not take place.

Since it is a freight train, as opposed to a passenger train, then it seems that whoever/whatever the she has, she lots of cars in her freight. I would assume that means lots of “baggage” but not baggage like she is carrying it, but baggage in that she is carrying shipments of goods somewhere else, that is why it is freight, as in cargo, transporting items from one location to another.

Importantly, it is quite accurate that trains cannot go anywhere but where the track leads. There are lots of tracks all around the earth. While some train tracks use bridges to cross large bodies of water, there are no train tracks crossing the largest oceans and that is why we need ships.

But the point I suppose is that if I want to get all philosophical is that a freight train doesn’t know it’s a freight train. The humans that utilize and observe the freight train know it’s a freight train, but the freight train itself has no ability to understand itself.

With that in mind, consider that the Divine continued:

it knows not where it goes, but the engineer knows,

And that is exactly accurate. Trains have been personified in so many stories that we think that trains actually have awareness of themselves. Well, trains don’t, because trains are inanimate.

They burn coal, they burn fuel. They create fire, and belch out hot exhaust. Each train has its unique characteristics. But the train itself does not have self-awareness.

But the engineer who pilots the train down the track certainly does. And without the engineer, the train doesn’t arrive at its destination. So consider that the Divine added:

I am her engineer, she is not her own, as such she simply goes in the direction I lead her.

And that is exactly what happens, making the train goes where the engineer wants.

What does it all mean? Are we beings that have lost our ability to be self-governing? Well, that assumes that we are self-governing.

I am not an advocate of free-will. I am an advocate of limited sovereignty. Humans can only do and become so much.

Free-will insinuates that you can become anyone, any where, at any time, and do anything that you want. Such is not the case. No human can become a skyscraper. Humans can build a skyscraper. But no human is a skyscraper.

On the other hand, limited sovereignty reveals that while each person is limited, they are given a specific location, a specific life, a specific amount of information, and what they can achieve with that is, well, limited. But they have the sovereignty to do with that information as they please. This is why some are billionaires, some are politicians, some are business owners, and some are employees.

It’s what one does with what they are given that matters. Some might refer to that as free-will, but that is NOT free-will, that is using your sovereignty, accepting your limited abilities, and doing the best with what you have.

Yet, in the case of the freight train, the analogy works. If one is governed by the Divine, God, then one is a freight train and one is supposed to do as the Engineer controls.

BUT, since humans are animate, created in the image of the Divine, then the human can fight the Engineer of their train and determine that they, as human -created in God’s image- can better navigate the train than the Engineer.

That is the constant battle, because humans are animate as opposed to inanimate.

Limited-sovereignty. The information I know is that I am a human created after and in the image of the Divine. Yet, I am NOT my own best engineer. The Divine is my best Engineer.

Where will my train go?

I seem to know my destination, but that doesn’t mean I know the tracks that the Engineer will utilize to get me to my destination.

Blessings and Shalom