Installment 135

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I want to share some things from my prayer on July 18, 2015 (Month 5 Day 2). I began my prayer with “Father, I am here.” The Divine responded:

Yes, but not by much,

Back during that week of 2015, a dear friend of mine passed, and I had again found myself really struggling with my own life. So, my attitude and disposition were feeling distressed. So it was important that the Divine continued:

so hear this:

The Divine is providing me with something that I need to pay attention to, to learn from. The Divine continued:

tomorrow’s work today makes for a weary man, be not weary, do only today’s work.

Is that not exactly what we do?

Today is Monday November 14, 2015. There is work that I have to get done – today, this actual 24-hour time period.

In addition to trying to get that done, I could also try working on the things that I have to get done tomorrow, Tuesday, but that is unwise.

I mean, we have all done it, and/or we all do it. We try to accomplish in one day, more than one day’s worth of work. That can be because of several reasons, but I offer two.

One, we work today’s work, but we are also concerned about tomorrow’s work, so we plan tomorrow’s work, working today’s work and do what we can to work ahead.

Two, we are pre-occupied with what will happen tomorrow. So we work today’s work, but have our mind filled with what “might” happen tomorrow.

Want to know the result of that? Fatigue. Weariness.

The solution? Pay attention and work only that which is in the purview of today.

That might, might, include preparing things for tomorrow, like making a list of things to do, when tomorrow arrives.

But to work today’s work, and trying to do tomorrow’s work makes for a person who is ill-suited to meet the needs of today, and ultimately unprepared for tomorrow.

One of the things I had to learn was to focus on today’s tasks. Here’s what I mean.

One thing I learned from the last five years was a depiction of my future, a leading to understand that my life was to change.

Guess what? When I never knew what my future held, I was far more relaxed.

Take for instance, before I met my wife, Mary. I “knew” that I would marry. I didn’t know when. I didn’t know who. I didn’t know what our marriage would look like. I didn’t know who my in-laws would be.

Did I care? No. Not one bit. Whatever the future held, the future held. No biggie, I would deal with those things when the time arrived.

Before I got married to Mary, if my prayer life had given me a ‘picture’ of my future life with her, I would have been overly concerned and focused on the wrong things and the wrong time.

In other words, if I knew before I got married the things I would face when I got married, I would have worried myself to death.

Why?

I would have been trying to work on issues of marriage before I had ever put myself into our marriage.

Yet, back in 2015, that is what I was trying to do, trying to work before the ‘work’ even existed.

As my prayer life unfolded, I did as I was led. For instance, prayer life led me to inform certain people. Upon that leading, I informed them.

In a way though, prior to January 2016, I was pre-occupied with what would become. Distressed, I was.

Yet, I also had to do what I was led to do.

Learn about myself. Learn about the Scriptures. Learn about being led. Learn to trust that what I learned was from the Divine. Learn to interact with others with a different dynamic of my life, especially with family and friends.

Learning to live and let live. Learning to let go of many cultural, social, and religious constructs that were unneeded. Learning that I am willing, able, and desirous of a life that resides outside expectations.

Yet, accepting that working on the ‘issues’ of tomorrow cannot be done, until ‘tomorrow’ arrives.

There is work that can be done ‘today’. In doing the work for ‘today’ we might learn about ‘tomorrow’. But it seems universally true that tomorrow’s work cannot be done today.

Yet, for all my struggling, what the Divine conveyed next was somewhat difficult:

Now this is important:

In other words: what I was about to learn is something that I have to really pay attention to, in order to see the significance. The Divine continued:

your iron grip is not iron,

Wait. Don’t we all want to be able to hold things with an iron grip?

I mean if we’re truly honest with ourselves, we want to hold on to what we want to hold on to, and we don’t want to let it go for any reason.

We could hold on to an idea. We could hold on to a person. We could hold on to a relationship. A pet. A car. An occupation. Anything.

We hold tight, because when we want a certain something, whatever it might be, we will hold on with a death grip, with an iron grip.

But I had to be told that my grip was not like iron. Instead, the Divine conveyed:

it’s sand,

What?! The Divine has to be joking. But no.

Sand holds nothing. It has no grip. Sure something can be buried in sand, then it’s gone, lost, buried beneath the sand. But compared with iron, sand is loose, shifts, moves about.

Knowing that, the Divine conveyed:

sand holds nothing,

Like I said, things can be buried in the sand, but metaphorically sand is being compared to the power of iron in grip.

Symbolically, in a grip, sand holds nothing.

I thought I had an “iron grip”. Nope. I have a grip of sand. What’s the point? The Divine conveyed:

so you hold nothing, nothing is the point, for nothing is to be held. Got that?

I can hold nothing. The point?

It is not within my power to hold onto anything. Not tradition. Not preference. Not my opinion.

Let’s make it more palpable. I can’t hold onto my car. Not my home. Not my money.

Let’s make it more poignant. I can’t hold onto my wife. I can’t hold onto my wife-to-be. Not even my children.

There is only one who holds all of those things, and I had to accept that it wasn’t me.

Here are others who also have no power to hold them: my family, my friends, my enemies, my culture, my society, my country, my religion. Nothing made by humans can be held onto.

Only one can hold them. The One? The One who cannot, by its very nature, be held.

That is why faith, trust, and confidence in the Creator and Sovereign of the cosmos is so important and powerful.

In a world where we want to have an iron grip but can’t, that power of confidence in the Creator cannot be understated. Consider how the Divine continued:

Now, for tomorrow to be – you must see,

For ‘tomorrow’ to become, for tomorrow to have life, for tomorrow to come alive, I have to see.

Not see as in observe. But that’s where many come to believe, believing only when they see. Yet without seeing tomorrow before it arrives, tomorrow can never arrive.

So one must see, as in imagine, as in envision, as in predict – the morrow. That is doing today’s work. Tomorrow cannot arrive without today having a vision, a dream, about tomorrow. The Divine continued:

to see – you must believe,

Belief is needed to see the morrow. In essence, the telephone, the automobile, the airplane, the computer, the mobile device, all had to be in someone’s vision of tomorrow’s product.

For example, every automobile that has been built in the last one hundred years is a result of someone’s belief that the horse and carriage could be made into a horseless carriage.

Once their dream became reality, hordes of people came out of the woodwork to claim the right to build a better horseless carriage. But they are all, and I mean A-L-L, variants on the first person’s dream, the one who could see and believe in what tomorrow held.

To see tomorrow, belief in the morrow is required. The Divine then continued:

to believe – you must want,

Necessity, the mother of invention? No. Not according to the Divine. Invention is driven by want.

Humanity wanted more than a horseless carriage. One person believed a horseless carriage could become reality.

But want is not enough. The Divine conveyed:

to want – you must desire, you must have fire.

The one who devised the first horseless carriage not only had to see the possibility, but also had to believe it could be reality, and also had to want it to become reality, and also had to have the desire to make it become reality, and also had to have the internal fire to make the horseless carriage become tomorrow’s reality.

Compared to the horseless carriages of our today, the horseless carriages of their tomorrow were rudimentary. But without them having the fire in their belly to make their dream for tomorrow happen, we simply would have no modern advancement of the horseless carriage.

Car, the shortened version of the noun carriage, became reality.

For me, it is interesting that the Divine began with the concept of seeing, then moved to believing, then wanting, then desiring, all from internal fire.

The point, my reader, is that during the last five years, I have struggled with a ‘fire’ for a marriage beyond my current marriage.

That struggle is no longer. I have the fire for a marriage and family that has two ladies. Because I have a fire for it, I desire it, because I desire it, I want it, because I want it, I believe it is possible, because I believe it is possible, I see me being part of an amazing relationship with two ladies and our children – our family.

Others do not have that dream, and that is okay. Nobody has the exact same dream, desire, or fire.

But that is mine.

Mary, for reasons of her own, has come to have a fire for this dream. Like me, she wants this family dream to become reality. I am looking for whom the Divine referred to as Rachel in order to complete our dream.

In all transparency, there was a time I wanted to put out the fire in my belly. Why? I was reading all the caution signs from people who don’t want me to go there.

It’s kind of like someone who has this need to become a rock star, but everyone around them tells them why it’s horrible, encouraging them to take a different job, you know, like a minister, or, or, a programming job, or whatever, anything but thaaaaaaatttttt.

Anyway. I did a massive introspective on myself. I want my horseless carriage. I need it become reality. I might not be a rock star, but I can’t wait to make music.

Blessings and Shalom

2016.11.14

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