Installment 141

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I will share some things from my prayer back on October 24, 2015 (Month 8 Day 10). I began my prayer: Father, what will you share with me tonight? The Divine responded:

My son, your life is about to change. Change in big and profound ways.

That was over a year ago. So far, my life has not changed in profound ways. Perhaps the most profound thing that happened is that I began penning “My Story” about three months after this prayer.

But back in the prayer, I made a note that I had thought about my children leaving our home. About a month after that prayer, around Thanksgiving, our daughter moved out, getting her own place.

Currently, our son remains at home, but is working towards establishing his own. But back in the prayer, the Divine responded:

My son, leaving is only part of the change.

You know, having children establish their own life is a big part of life. It is unique in its moment. You have them with you since their arrival on this terrestrial plane, and then, they’re not. They’re on their own. It’s weird, somewhat awkward, new territory for them and you, yet rewarding and joy filled.

In the prayer, the Divine continued:

You know the change, it is on the hill, it is on its way. Now here, to stay.

The change? The change in my marriage.

The hill? I’m not certain. I wonder though if it is a metaphoric hill, the climb to get to that change.

But the Divine said the change was “on its way”. That prayer was approximately thirteen months ago. It seems that the hill and the change are still on their way.

Since those things have not yet arrived, I am not sure what “Now here, to stay” means. Looking back, part of it seems to be that my perspective changed about myself and the direction of my life, and that has certainly stayed.

So it is interesting that the next thing the Divine conveyed was:

My son, I want you to embrace this,

With that I was being encouraged to embrace the change, part of which was my daughter moving out to establish her own, and me continuing to help my son, but also accepting and incorporating into my life that my marriage would be changing.

The Divine added:

love it with all you have,

So I am to not only embrace the change but love it.

Look, not everything is easily embraced, especially when your child is moving out into their own sphere of life. As a parent, you know it will happen, you know it needs to be done, and that it will be done.

Yet the heart of the parent is slow to embrace and love that change. Why? Because your child, while an adult is also so young, and the world is a big place, with lots of challenges, hurdles, amongst its coldness and darkness.

But I am to love this change in my life.

It makes it easier to love that change, when I recognize that I loved it when I moved out. I made it. I made some mistakes too. But that’s life. Is it not?

And she’s done fine. We interact. I help as I can. She seems pleased with her life. Not sure there is much else I can do.

As for my anticipated marriage, and its change, it took me some time to embrace it, to love it. I have given my explanations as to why it took me that time.

Other people are not me, never will be me. In the last few years, I have observed others move into a relationship with another lady. For me, it seemed fast, but, obviously not for them. It appears they were ready.

I had to accept that my life would forever change. While unique to accept and incorporate in my life, the idea and the reality of having another woman in my life was not the hurdle.

For me, the hurdle was accepting that a great number of people would simply walk away from me, shunning me. That was a big deal, so embracing that, loving that, took time.

Let me return to the prayer, the Divine added:

Her night is coming, coming fast, to meet daybreak at last.

My experience with my prayers is that the third person ‘her’ seems to refer to Rachel. So that is how I interpret that statement.

Importantly, I am uncertain what ‘night’ refers to. I simply accept that daybreak occurs after night.

But as to the significance of the statement, I can only surmise from how the prayer continued. The Divine conveyed:

Now this means tears aplenty, tears aflood, hurt she’ll be, be sorrowed and pained,

At what? I have no clue.

There are lots of things in life that can cause one to breakdown – loss of work, loss of loved one, loss of reputation, a friend’s unexpected and untimely death, betrayal, disease, maybe even something like an unwanted pregnancy. The point is, there are many things that can cause someone heartache.

But whatever it is, Rachel’s night will not be easy, but daybreak does arrive, which is affirmed with the way the prayer continued. The Divine added:

but her depths, her despair, will not remain.

So whatever it was, is, or will be, it seems to be heavy duty but the burden of despair will not remain, and that is the hope, the daybreak.

The good news of it is as the Divine conveyed:

Good will come from this.

So even thought the night exists, daybreak arrives, the burden is lifted, and good is found.

How is good found? How does that good come through? What good will it be?

Those are questions that I feel completely inadequate to address or answer. All I can comprehend is that as believers we trust that “all things work together for good”.

Importantly, the Divine also added:

My love she has

I take that to mean that God’s love is with Rachel, and that love will shine into her night.

Interestingly, the Divine closed with:

that love is what helps build anew.

As believers, we have to hold to that, because sometimes the night seems dark and oppressive, but daybreak does arrive and God’s love and God’s love in us assures us that we can build anew.

What does the prayer mean? I am uncertain. I sit here thirteen months after the prayer, having changed, but not seeing in my life the things that should be arriving.

Maybe I’m in a situation similar to Abraham. By that I mean it took Abraham the better part of 25 years before he saw his life incorporate a son that God promised (Genesis 15.4). I hope that is not the case, I just don’t see myself living to be 175 years old. So I hope that this leading soon comes to pass.

But maybe I’m not in a situation similar to Abraham. I could simply be experiencing my own circumstance, unfolding on its own time. That doesn’t make it easier. It just means that I have to trust and be patient.

 
As I move into the last part of this Installment, I want to share some from my prayer from October 31, 2015 (Month 8 Day 17). I began my prayer with a blessing: Blessed are you Jehovah our God, Sovereign of the Cosmos, who creates the seasons and stars for markers. The Divine responded:

Yes.

Interestingly, the prayer unfolded involving time. The Divine conveyed:

Now for today: today marks a new thing,

Today? Since so many prayers seemed to convey a metaphoric today, it seems this ‘today’ is also metaphoric.

So is the ‘new thing’ also metaphoric? Or is the ‘new thing’ something actual, tangible?

The Divine continued:

not beginning, for that has begun, but a new thing none-the-less.

Okay? So, it’s not a ‘new beginning’ because the prayer conveys that a new beginning had already begun. I am supposing that the new beginning that had begun was a reference to my new beginning regarding how my marriage is going to change, because that new thing had begun some months, if not years prior to this prayer.

Yet, according to that prayer, ‘today’ holds a ‘new thing’. Let’s see if the prayer will reveal what the new thing is. The Divine continued:

This new thing is profound, found, and bound,

So whatever it is, it is going to be something that is intense, maybe even overpowering.

But that new thing is also something that is found. Does that mean located? Does that mean established, as in something started or initiated?

What does it mean that this new thing is bound? Consider how the Divine continued:

bound to be the greatest thing ever, if I do say so myself, which I just did,

For me, the greatest thing ever, cannot surpass the Divine, because for me, all things flow and are because of the Divine. So this greatest thing has to be on some kind of temporal experience.

Why the Divine expressed ‘if I do say so myself’ is a mystery to me. The Divine continued:

it can’t be to some, but it will to others,

That is why I believe the greatest thing ever is something to be experienced in the human realm. Why? Because of what was expressed. Some individuals will find that new thing to be the greatest thing ever, but some individuals will not.

So what is this new thing? The Divine continued:

amazing is this ‘thing’ if you can call it a ‘thing’ for things really are material, and this is not,

That helps, actually. So this new thing is not something material. Material is a computer, a car, a house. So this new thing is not that, maybe not even something tangible. The Divine continued:

but it is new, at least for you,

A non-material new thing, but it seems primarily new to me, because to the Divine there is nothing new. The Divine continued:

the greatest newest thing you’ll ever know,

So for me, this seems pretty profound. To find it would be amazing. To be the best thing that I have ever experience would be, well, awesome. The Divine continued:

except me, of course, but that goes without saying, but I said it.

Again, the oddity by which the Divine conveys things is a mystery, but it comes across a playful.

Importantly, the Divine continued:

So what does that mean?

That is the question. Is it not?

How the Divine continued gets interesting. The Divine added:

You see this new ‘thing’ is you,

Wait? What? Then the Divine added:

but not,

Okay. So the new thing is me, but not me.

Confused? Me too. How am I a new thing, but not is a mystery to me.

Maybe the Divine will reveal more clearly. The Divine continued:

for it is me,

Okay. It seems that the new thing is sourced in the Divine, or the Divine is the new thing. Yet the Divine added:

but not,

So how does all this work together? I’m trying to figure that out myself. The Divine continued:

it is her,

The ‘her’ I think I understand, it seems to be a reference to Rachel.

But now the new thing is me, but, for the Divine but not, and now the new thing is Rachel. So how does the Divine continue? The Divine added:

but not,

Like me, the new thing is her, but not. Confused? Again, me too. The Divine continued:

it is Mary,

Now my wife Mary was added to the mix. She is the new thing. Considering what we’ve seen in the prayer, the next thing should be expected, the Divine continued:

but not.

So each of us is a new thing, but not, the new thing is for the Divine, but not. Here’s the best I can tell what this might mean.

I am Ray. But I am a new Ray. Same face. Same body. Different life. Make sense?

That same thing goes for Rachel and for Mary. Why Rachel was itemized first in the prayer is a mystery to me.

But this new thing, this new Ray but not new Ray, this new Rachel but not new Rachel, this new Mary but not new Mary is for God, but not. Here’s what I think that means.

In telling “My Story” I have been fairly consistent and constant, my life I have given to the Creator of the universe. I serve the Originator of light. That was my choice. So in making that choice, the new thing is for the Divine’s use, glory, purposes, however a believer would like to describe it.

But there is something else. The new thing is not simply for the Divine, the new thing is being shared with me, Rachel, and Mary, it is something that we all are permitted to experience.

After that somewhat confusing conveyance, the Divine continued:

It is amazing what the three of you are going to do,

What will we do? I have no clue, no more of a clue what we three will do than I had a clue what Mary and I would do when she and I began our life together.

Importantly, the Divine did provide clarity as to what the new thing is. The Divine added:

This new thing is love,

Love. That is a mighty big word, encompasses much, runs deep into the soul, connects beings in ways words cannot express. The Divine continued:

your love, her love, Mary’s love,

So the three somehow interact with a dedication and a devotion to one another, a sacrificial experience where one is greater because of the others, all for one, one for all.

The Divine added:

you are going to begin feeling it,

I can say that as I have been writing “My Story” I can feel my desire for this family cultivate within my being, a need to see this part of my life come to fruition. But it is interesting that the Divine added:

all of you tonight.

All of us? Me, I can see. Mary, I can kind of see. But Rachel, how is that possible? I have only one explanation – the Divine. But how it’s done, is beyond me.

But what did ‘tonight’ mean? Was it a metaphoric tonight? Was it the actual tonight of the prayer? Or is it the ‘tonight’ of my writing this Installment? Maybe it somehow connects to the tonight of the prayer that I discussed in the first part of this Installment?

I simply don’t know. But the Divine added:

So pay attention, the floods have come, the gates must be opened.

Pay attention. I have tried, truly tried to pay attention, especially since January of 2016.

So what are the floods? Actual? Metaphorical, like floods of emotions?

What are the gates? Flood gates? Gates of the heart? Something else?

No matter what those gates are, the gates have to be opened. Consider how the Divine closed out that prayer:

Open your heart, and let love rule.

Consider that statement, I am thinking that the floods represent tears, the gates represent a protected heart.

So the gates of my heart have to open to this possibility, so does Mary’s, as does Rachel’s.

Where are we in this process?

Me. My heart is open. I want to have two ladies in my life. I want to love this new us.

Mary. She is ready to move forward, and because she is my wife, her heart is ready for the marriage, yet she knows and accepts that there will be challenges and hurdles that we all must approach in a healthy loving fashion and overcome.

As for Rachel, only the Divine knows.

But I do know that the only thing that will make this work is love.

Love from a husband to his wife. Love from a husband to his wife.
Love from a wife to her husband. Love from a wife to her husband.
Love from each wife to the other wife.

Love from each person to the other two.
Love from two persons to the other.

Love that wants our family.
Love that sacrifices for our family.
Love that protects our family.

Blessings and Shalom

2016.11.23

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