Installment 152

Print Friendly

I have one more dream to share before I complete the telling of “My Story”. This dream was from January 20, 2016 (Month 11 Day 9). There are several segments to the dream. I will share each segment then give my thoughts.

For the first segment, in my journal, I wrote:

I awoke this morning realizing I was dreaming. It has been a long time since I have had a dream that I can recall, and it has been a long time since I have had a school bus dream.

The dream:
I was back at [the school district] for something like an In-Service Day (where there is no driving of the bus, but meetings all day).

[My supervisor] was talking with me and another [male school bus driver]. Not sure how the conversation came about, I just know that [my supervisor] wanted me to drive a bus for those who wanted to go out to eat, but I really didn’t want to drive. I wanted [my supervisor] to find someone else.

So [my supervisor] had a coin toss between [that male school bus driver] and me. [The male bus driver] flipped the coin, it landed on the floor, somewhere not easily seen. I picked it up, handed it back for a “do over” coin toss.

[My supervisor] said he’d flip the coin and that I got to choose. [My supervisor] flipped the coin. The coin landed on the floor, was spinning in a way that I could see that it was going to land in a manner that showed the quarter’s face.

Before the quarter fell flat, I said something to the effect of wanting [the other male driver] to drive. [That male driver] didn’t want to drive, made statements and, I think, did “no thank you” gestures and a backing away motion from the discussion.

So I told [my supervisor], “Fine. I’ll drive.” I think, at that point, [my supervisor] walked away to take care of other things.

 
You know, for me, things just become clearer and clearer, but back then in the early days of January 2016, I was still uncertain, as my last couple of Installments (150, 151) have expressed.

For this Installment, recall that back in Installment 149, I shared from a prayer that included this from the Divine: “in the coming days, you will be visited, your heart will know.”

Back in January, I still couldn’t “see” what the dream meant, but for me, here in December, nearly a year later, it couldn’t be any clearer. The dream is all about me and the direction that I am to take in my life with two ladies.

Let me go back through the first part of the dream.

I wrote: I was back at [the school district] for something like an In-Service Day (where there is no driving of the bus, but meetings all day).

That means, I was “back to work” for some educational discussions. We’d talk about expectations, policy, safety, and things revolving around the nature and business of being bus drivers.

But notice, I was not driving the school bus as a spare driver, no. The dream was a meeting, where information is given from supervisors and others for the benefit of the drivers. It was an environment dedicated to information, although the day was broken with a time for eating.

The relationship of the dream to me: I was back in session to learn something important for my task at hand.

 
Next, I wrote: [My supervisor] was talking with me and another [male school bus driver]. Not sure how the conversation came about, I just know that [my supervisor] wanted me to drive a bus for those who wanted to go out to eat, but I really didn’t want to drive. I wanted [my supervisor] to find someone else.

I had a pretty good working relationship with that particular supervisor. He and I quite regularly discussed work and things like sports cars. He expressed his enthusiasm for cars and was impressed I had a Fiero, which I did when I first began driving for the district. But then it broke, and I couldn’t repair it at the time. After the Fiero broke, he encouraged me that I would most likely enjoy having a Miata, of which he had had either two or three himself. Additionally, as a supervisor, because of our working relationship, on occasion, he would approve of my recommendations.

The point? In this dream, I requested for someone else to do the work, because I didn’t want to do the work.

The relationship of the dream to me: My supervisor (meaning the Divine) and I have a good working relationship. I informed my supervisor that I didn’t want to drive the bus (meaning I didn’t want to have two wives), and informed my supervisor to find someone else to do the task. Again, I don’t know for certain how the discussion about two wives came to be part of my life, I just know that the Divine wants me to take on this task, but I wanted someone else to take the task.

 
Next, I wrote: So [my supervisor] had a coin toss between [that male school bus driver] and me. [The male bus driver] flipped the coin, it landed on the floor, somewhere not easily seen. I picked it up, handed it back for a “do over” coin toss.

A coin toss, leaving it up to fate, so to speak, along with a fifty-fifty chance that it would not be me. The coin toss occurs between another man and myself, two men, which could do the task the supervisor wanted done.

The other male driver flipped the coin, but the coin landed where the outcome was not easily seen. So I picked up the coin, wanting it to be flipped again, so the outcome would be visible for all.

The relationship of the dream to me: I wanted the Divine to choose another man. The Divine had a coin toss between the man that was standing right there and me. But notice it was the other man that flipped the coin and the results were hidden, what that means specifically, I am uncertain. But in the dream, I pick up the coin and want a do over.

 
Next, I wrote: [My supervisor] said he’d flip the coin and that I got to choose. [My supervisor] flipped the coin. The coin landed on the floor, was spinning in a way that I could see that it was going to land in a manner that showed the quarter’s face.

So this time, instead of the other male flipping the coin, the supervisor flips the coin, and says that I get to choose what I will do. The supervisor flips the coin, it lands, and spins, allowing us to see the face of the coin.

The relationship of the dream to me: The Divine had permitted the other male driver to have control over the coin toss, but it was no good. But because I requested a do over, the Divine takes the control from the other male, tossed the coin himself, but allowed me to make the choice of what I would do.

 
Next, I wrote: Before the quarter fell flat, I said something to the effect of wanting [the other male driver] to drive. [That male driver] didn’t want to drive, made statements and, I think, did “no thank you” gestures and a backing away motion from the discussion.

So the do over coin toss happened, the coin was spinning, the face visible, I could see the outcome, but still wanted the other male to do the task the supervisor wanted done.

But, instead of taking the responsibility, that male driver, strongly expressed unwillingness to do as the supervisor requested, then backed away from the meeting that was occurring among the three of us.

The relationship of the dream to me: I could see where the Divine was leading, but still didn’t want it, hoping that the other guy would take the task. For me, two possibilities come to mind about the other guy. One, he could be another guy the Divine was talking to about two wives. Two, perhaps he simply didn’t want to become the husband of the woman who will become my second wife. But I am uncertain.

 
Next, I wrote: So I told [my supervisor], “Fine. I’ll drive.” I think, at that point, [my supervisor] walked away to take care of other things.

The other male driver backed out, leaving me the only one there. Kind of reminds me of a line of ten soldiers, a volunteer is needed, and nine stepped backwards. Once, the volunteer was known, then the supervisor was able to go take care of other tasks.

The relationship of the dream to me: I could look at it as negative, but I won’t. The Divine came to me because he knew that I could accomplish the task. It was not a task that I preferred to do. But the Divine knows it is a task that I can do. So after being reluctant, I gave acquiescence.

 
Review of first segment of the dream:
That sequence pretty much sums up my entire work life, even my spiritual life. Here’s the deal, I am the reluctant fellow, not because I can’t do the work, but because I expect other people to be able to do their work too.

I cannot recall the number of times that I have been asked to give a presentation, complete a task, or do some kind of work that could be done by someone else. It has happened all my life.

Some might call me a sap for doing those things because I wasn’t smart enough to get out of the work and responsibilities. But I’m not. I simply despise that others will not rise to the occasion and do the more.

Did the Divine lead me to a relationship with two wives? Yes.
Did I want it? Not only no, but h, e, double-hockey sticks no.

I gave it every ounce of my ability to get out of it, just short of divorce or self-termination. To keep in the motif of the dream, that’s akin to giving my resignation in the moment of being asked to do something.

Why did I take this leading? Two primary reasons.

One, I gave my life to the Divine and I gave my marriage to the Divine. It truly is the same thing as being an employee, when the supervisor asks you to do a task, it is out of pleasantry, for the supervisor doesn’t have to ask, it could be demanded, and the employee doesn’t have to accept, the employee could quit. But when the working relationship is good, one accepts the supervisor’s leading even when it is a task that seems unneeded for me to do.

Two, I have never actually regretted taking the tasks that are assigned to me, they all have made me a better person. It’s just that I am reluctant because I hesitate because of the commitment I give to things because I expect nothing short of excellence. When one expects excellence from themselves, one hesitates to commit to something that requires the efforts of excellence. Because of that, when I give myself to a task, it is done to the best I can give it.

That simply means that the dream served exactly as the Divine had lead days earlier, I would be visited and my heart would know what to do.

My heart needs me to do this. Because it’s the right thing to do? Sure, but that doesn’t cover it all. Because it needs to be done? Again, sure, but that doesn’t cover it all. Because I can get the job done? Again, sure, but that doesn’t cover it all.

I have to be candid with myself, my wife, my wife-to-be, my family, my friends, my reader. The request was something that I never expected. But I have spent years looking at this, even talked with some ladies regarding multi-wife marriages. At the end of the day, at the end of the telling of “My Story” I have found -to keep the motif of the dream- that I am a good driver and capable as a driver, but more than that, I don’t mind it, I actually like it and want to pursue it. Here’s what I mean.

Few, very, very few, look up to school bus drivers with respect. The profession is interpreted as low class and filled by people who couldn’t obtain better occupations or don’t have the skills to have better occupations.

After having been in the industry, that is a bunch of -I will call it what it is- bullshit, and a big pile of it too. Set aside the discussions about schooling and all that. The point is that there are men and women who love, absolutely adore, being a bus driver, and some of those drivers stay in the work 20, 30, 40 years.

Why? Simple, they love what they do, even though the profession is disparaged. In essence, they don’t care that others look unfavorably upon school bus drivers, because they are not there doing the work for accolades, they are there because they don’t mind the work, and it’s work: rise long before the sun comes up over the horizon, and sometimes (many times?) getting home long after the sun has crossed the other horizon.

There was a reason I was given a school bus driver position when I returned to Texas, to learn, to observe, to see a different way of life. Just as bus driving was not what I expected for my occupational life, neither was having two wives what I expected for my marital life.

Want to know something?

I have known people who will never take work as a school bus driver. Good thing too. Because if you can’t do it right, don’t do it. And yeah, there are some unruly students, but I have also seen unruly drivers.

I have known people who took work as a school bus driver, hated it, and quit.

I have known people who took work as a school bus driver, loved it, and will only quit because their health no longer permits them to do the work.

Similar sets with people regarding a marriage of multiple wives.

For me, after a long, honest, deliberative process, I take the work that is associated with a man having multiple wives. Not because I have to, but because I want to, because I look forward to the challenge, the reward, the love, and the experiences of the life. I am willing to do something that others are not, and that, in a way, excites me.

That reality explodes the minds of many. I simply no longer care what they think.

I expect nothing short of excellence, and I know that my relationship will demand some early mornings and some really late nights. I don’t care, because I love what I do, and my family will blossom because of how much I care for their development.

For now, back to the dream, here is segment two, I wrote in my journal:
 

The next thing I know, I am with one of the lady drivers, she was getting the bus ready in order to park it where it needed to be.

We are in the bus, and for whatever reason she is backing up the bus in order to make a turn around (the general policy was that backing up was not to be done, this instance broke that policy).

She backed up straight; then she made the back end of the bus turn toward the right, so she could get the bus in position to make a left hand turn to go the other direction.

That both baffled and startled me, because I thought she could simply go forward and make some kind of u-turn.

 
For brevity’s sake, I am going to alter how I write about the remainder of the dream.

So the dream went from a supervisor overseeing a coin toss that I took. I take it to mean that because I won the coin toss, I am now with another lady driver.

The interesting thing is that I made some notes in my journal about these particular people in the dream. This lady was one who was a driver who also was given tasks that needed to be done, like driving a bus as a shuttle to take drivers to their respective buses when it was pouring rain.

So recall the dream is about driving a bus for those who wanted to go out to eat. That is a type of shuttle. So that lady and I were accustomed to being assigned similar tasks, and in doing those tasks we help other drivers.

What is of interest to me, is that instead of doing a u-turn as I had expected, she broke with policy in order to put the bus she was driving into the proper position. She performed the maneuver without harming anything, but the maneuver definitely was against accepted policy.

There is nothing wrong with backing up a bus. It is a maneuver that is done frequently. It is simply that the school district had a general policy that no backing was to be done, except the backing that was necessary for parking the bus in its assigned slot.

Why? Because of tail swing accidents. The district’s policy helped alleviate property damage by those drivers who were less experienced.

But this lady driver obviously was experienced, and saw that there was nothing wrong in doing what she did, it was the most effective way of getting what she wanted done. In the dream, legally, she did nothing wrong, it just surprised me that she was so willing to break with corporate policy.

The relationship of the dream to me: I will be with a lady who breaks with corporate policy in order to do what she needs to do. For me, that means that a Christian woman is going to break with the church’s policy of monogamy-only, in order to have the husband she wants.

 
For the next part of the dream, for segment three, I wrote in my journal:

The next thing I know, we’re back in a building with the people, it felt like the last little bit of formalities before being let out for lunch.

I am concerned about the fuel level of the bus (when actually driving [for the school district], I was always concerned about the fuel level, I wanted the fuel tank full or as close to full as possible).

I know the dream has me back in the building with the people, but I couldn’t see the gauge, but somehow I see the gauge and see that it is full, and that gave me some relief, that is because the driver was always responsible for having enough fuel for the journey.

 
So after winning the coin toss, I find myself with the lady who broke with policy, yet I am now back in the building with other people.

From that, it seems then, that I had done what I needed to do in order to take care of the task that was assigned to me, in order to shuttle these people to their lunch.

Now, in this segment, I am concerned about the fuel. The dream does not reveal that I had filled the bus with fuel, just that I learned that it was full.

The relationship of the dream to me: when I take a second wife, I will have the means (fuel) to take care of the task at hand, and will return to help the people.

Now helping the people makes me think of how ministry feeds the people, and in the dream I was taking people to their food. How I specifically correlate to that, I am uncertain.

 
Let me turn to my notes about the dream. In my journal, I wrote:

The other weird thing is that while I was with that lady getting the bus, we weren’t taking her bus, which I thought we’d do. Instead we were taking a spare bus, bus number 148, a bus that I used somewhat frequently.

 
You see, in the dream, I expected to be in her bus, but we weren’t. Instead, we were in a spare bus. Let me give more detail.

When I was a school bus driver for that particular district, I began as a route driver, but then became a spare bus driver, and finished my tenure as a spare bus driver. During my time there, I didn’t drive every route, but because of the additional duties that I had, I think I drove every bus that was located at that particular terminal. So, I drove lots of buses (some new, some old) and drove lots of routes.

When it was possible, if I was a substitute driver for a bus, I drove the actual bus assigned to that route.

But there were times that as a spare driver I had to drive a spare bus because I did not have access to the regular route bus, maybe it was at a different terminal or it was in the shop for service.

In those moments where I drove a spare bus, I drove 148. For me, it was the best spare bus of the spare buses. Every bus is unique. It matters not that they might be assembled at the same location, they are unique, each having their own temperament and personality. One might not think so, but they do.

So for my driving style, spare bus 148, best matched me. While I couldn’t claim it as my bus, I did make special requests so that I could drive it, if possible.

The relationship of the dream to me: I am the spare bus driver who won the coin toss, and we’re in the bus that is also a spare. For me it seems to indicate that as a fellow bus driver, she probably wasn’t expecting me. Yet, she’s talented in her own right, a capable driver who also shuttles people, but we’re not in her bus. Instead, we’re in a spare bus, it seems a bus I requested for an assignment I had been given.

 
One last thought that I wrote into my journal about the dream:

Somehow I knew I was a spare driver, driving a spare bus, to a luncheon function, for my immediate supervisor. Best I can recall I was to drive a busload of adults to some kind of restaurant that served foreign food, I want to say Russian food, but I could be mistaken.

 
Even if I am mistaken about the type of foreign food, when I read through this dream, I can’t help but see what eluded me back in the early days of 2016.

The relationship of the dream to me: I am not the bus driver the lady bus driver was expecting, which means I am not the man she expected for a husband.

Additionally, I am chosen by the supervisor as the replacement driver to drive a spare bus. Meaning that the Divine has chosen me to be the man who replaces another man who either would not or could not do the work as husband, or quit being a husband because he wasn’t willing to be who he needed to be (correlating to the driver who backed away saying ‘no thank you’).

For me, the luncheon function is where the adults are fed, as I mentioned earlier. But notice that these are adults, yes a-d-u-l-t-s, but they are in school. This means that they are learning something foreign to them, because the dinner they are being given is foreign.

Without doubt, my life that I am about to lead is foreign to most Christians. That is why the specific type of foreign food is actually immaterial, because a man having two wives is a foreign concept to most Christians in the United States. And what do most adults do with what is foreign? The answer is self-evident.

But I am the guy who the supervisor chose, chose because he wanted me to get the task done. Being a spare driver was never easy. I had to interact with school officials, teachers, helpers, assistants, and students, none of which I would ever get to know as a regular route driver.

My relationship with the school district was unique, it provided me with freedom that other drivers never had, but it also provided me with challenges that regular route drivers never faced.

But here’s what I learned through my tenure as a school bus driver. I grew bored being a regular route driver. Without doubt, there are many school bus drivers who love being regular route drivers. But I came to learn that I needed something different, and different for a school bus driver is not really knowing what route or bus you’re going to work on.

I was reluctant to become a spare driver, because initially it was overwhelming. But I learned that I actually thrived in the environment that challenged me, from studying the routes, to working with the administration and students, to working with different drivers, buses, and schools.

But I would not be fully candid if I left out an important detail. Spare bus drivers, at least where I was, were quite unique, just as I am unique.

There were spare bus drivers that never wanted to have the same route or the same kids. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around that, but I suppose on some level that correlates to their personality.

Then there was me, no longer wanting to be a regular route driver, so I was open to being a spare bus driver, but I also wanted stability even though I was sparing. So I was a spare that generally drove for drivers who were gone for long term reasons. In doing that, I was able to build professional relationships with various schools, administrators, teachers, and students.

But I was also the spare bus driver that could take a bus that was unruly, and over the course of being its spare, but long-term driver, I was able to bring that bus route into healthy status, helping the students learn expected behavior.

It’s not the work that other drivers wanted. It’s not the work that non-school bus drivers wanted. But it was the work I did, and I found out that I was pretty good at it.

My point, the dream conveys exactly what I needed my heart to know. The Divine knew I could do the task. But I had to experience the last few years to find out for myself that I could be a great husband of two wives.

So in a sense, I have been in school, not as a student, but as an adult who attends in-service days, learning needed things in order for me to be the driver -the husband- I need to be, and the husband my wives need me to be.

Blessings and Shalom

2016.12.06

Share