I won’t deny it, I won’t sweep it under the rug, the last few days have not been easy. Things put themselves in the way of me getting this Installment written and published.
In this Installment, I will discuss a prayer from January 23, 2016 (Month 11 Day 12). But just prior to that prayer, I had written a Facebook Note discussing going separate ways.
In 2015, I wrote many Facebook Notes, but a particular series began with Accident of Worth and ended with Hilltop Departure. From there I wrote additional Notes, one was entitled: Not Meeting Expectations; another was entitled: Marriage and Family; another The Topic of Marriage, all of which ultimately helped lead up to A Parting of Ways.
What that means is that I had spent a lot of time in reflection, and was willing to write about what I was thinking, contemplating, and ruminating. It is said that life is complex. It is also said that life is simple. Both are true.
What is difficult about life is when one’s life develops outside both of one’s own expectations and the expectations of others. That is when life becomes more difficult. That is when one has to wrestle with what is happening.
That is what I was doing, and considering all the things that were going on in my life, including my prayer life, is why I wrote that article about parting ways. It was not an easy thing to write, to express, or to publish, but it was a moment that helped me solidify that things were going to be different in my life.
With that in mind, I prayed on January 23, 2016 (Month 11 Day 12), and I prayed asking: Father, what does my path look like?
What did I want? I wanted the Divine to give a detailed picture of what would happen in my life. Instead the Divine responded:
Son, that’s hard to tell, but not really.
What?! That’s how it begins, vagaries. So it’s good that the Divine continued:
The path ahead is strait, it requires you to walk diligently, resolutely, soundly, diligently,
That’s part of the picture. A strait path does not have to be narrow, because instead it could be a path that is characterized by difficulties, and if it were both narrow and difficult, then it would be an even greater challenge.
The characteristics the Divine said were required: diligence, resoluteness, soundness, along with a second dose of diligence. A narrow and difficult path requires these characteristics for the challenges to be overcome as opposed to a level and direct path which is far easier to navigate.
Diligent, as I am today, in the midst of difficulties, being hard-working and industrious, conscientious about what needs to be done.
Resolute, as I have become, that there is a definite need to be on this path, and that I am going to be tenacious in walking it, remaining determined to follow through.
Soundly, having come to a sound conclusion, having made a decision, thus making my life thoroughly and completely match that decision.
Diligent, a book end of the characteristic, echoing the first characteristic, thus resolution and soundness are bordered by diligence, double diligence. That is poignant, given that I must be diligent to serve the needs of two ladies, being attentive to each lady’s specific needs, yet carefully and meticulously taking care of our home.
Following the characteristics, the Divine added:
not because you won’t but because you must,
So think about that. The statement is given in such a way to express that those characteristics are already a part of who I am, but the statement goes beyond that.
The statement conveys that the path which I have chosen requires attention to things: an observation of what is happening, an awareness of many details, and alertness to things that would jeopardize the success of my life with two ladies.
In essence, the path can be successful, but success requires dedication, devotion, care, and consideration to what must be done, for each lady, for the family, from provisions to protection.
The Divine closed out that section conveying:
you know your path, and the path you must follow, on your path you are.
For me, that gives the picture of me, standing at the beginning of a journey, the path that leads from where it begins to where it goes. I can see the path, because it was directly in front of me, it was the path I would, will, and do follow, because I was on that very path, even if only at the initial steps.
Following that, in hopes of learning more, I asked: Is there anything else you would like to tell me?
The Divine responded:
Not personally convinced, I asked: Is there anything I need to know?
The Divine’s response?
You know what you know.
For me, I took it that some of what I needed to know was located in previous prayers. So part of telling “My Story” was to go back through the prayers and see what I was given.
But still somewhat inquisitive about the path, in the prayer, I asked another question: There are things I don’t know, of those things I don’t know, what will you tell me so I will know?
The Divine’s response?
Only this: She is watching, and you’re not writing. She needs your writing.
The only one who could be watching would be Rachel. Why? Because Mary has been right here with me, interacting with me the entire time I’ve be writing about the course of our life and its events.
But what does the remainder of the statement indicate?
Recall that I had written lots of Facebook Notes along with posting Facebook status updates. So I take it that was something Rachel was watching.
Quite frankly, I find it unnerving that my prayer life reveals that she is a lurker. What’s even more difficult is that my prayer life says that I am supposed to reveal more.
Do I have proof of this as actuality? Nope. No one iota of evidence, none.
Recall that this prayer was on January 23, 2016.
I do have this feeling, if you will, that the woman that God has in mind to join my family is reading my material. Now, why she is reading is a mystery to me, but I write telling some of my experiences for her.
So not knowing who this lady is, but believing in what the prayer conveyed, I began writing “My Story”. In part, maybe even a large part, for her.
Before the prayer ended, I asked another question: Anything I should tell your daughter Mary, Esther?
The Divine provided something specific for Mary. Since this part was particularly given for Mary, I asked Mary for her permission to share it. So what I share is with her approval.
The Divine conveyed the following:
My Star, my lovely Star, my lovely child,
For whatever reason, the Divine has referred to Mary as “Star” and endears her as daughter. The Divine continued:
your husband will change, and change for the better,
Recall that this was given in January 2016. For me, it is interesting to see how much I have changed just in these few short months.
Have I changed for the better? Most definitely, in the sense that I have been changing into the guy that is needed to be successful in a family with two wives.
Considering what the Divine shared with Mary, that was some of the easier parts. What comes next is a little more difficult, the Divine continued:
love her he will and love her more than you want,
As I have been participating in and observing discussions about polygyny, if I could reduce all of the ‘against it’ arguments into one essence, I would use that statement.
I will not be so arrogant as to presume to speak for Mary, or Rachel, or any other woman, especially women within multi-wife arrangements. As a man who is navigating toward this relationship arrangement, I simply have to accept that these are some of the, if not the primary, foundational concerns of the relationship.
What that conveyed seems straightforward, but it is also one of the challenges within a multi-wife arrangement. Consider how the Divine continued:
but it is the love she needs,
This is a complex emotional issue. There is no easy solution to this. But, in some ways, acknowledging that it exists is helpful.
Before I continue with my thoughts, consider how the Divine continued:
but he loves you with the love you need,
For me, what is conveyed is that each lady has needs of her own. In essence, if I fail to meet one lady’s needs, she will know. Additionally, if I show one lady more affection than the other, that too will be known.
So what seems to be unique within this type of relationship is how keenly aware each woman becomes of the other. That is not meant as an insult or jibe to either lady. I am simply accepting that the nature of the relationship is such that each lady is intensely sensitive not only to how I interact with her, but how I interact with the other.
That is because each woman is in such a close proximity to the other that she not only becomes aware of the love between me and the other lady, but she also becomes aware of different aspects or characteristics of herself and the others. Such immediacy brings to mind -brings to heart- things that might never have been considered in a monogamous relationship.
Therefore, I need to be aware of these things, because each lady will feel the difference, and respond to those differences. That means it is up to me to make each lady feel and believe that she is fully accepted and loved for who she is, and that I love each lady according to her own unique way, because of her own needs.
If that wasn’t enough, consider how the Divine continued:
What?! The Divine is joking, right? Has to be. Must be.
I have participated in or observed enough discussions about polygyny that if a wife is told to trust her husband she almost instantly and unilaterally rejects that concept.
Trust is earned. Right? And according to many women, no man can be trusted. If there is a universal constant in relationships, it is that wives, on some level, mistrust their husbands. Therefore, what is postulated and accepted by most is that if a husband seeks a second wife, he simply can’t be trusted.
Why? I have observed much and have two possibilities as to why. One, it is because of the husband himself, because he did something to cause his wife to distrust him. Two, he as a husband might be completely faithful never causing her to distrust him, but because some other man hurt her, she distrusts all men, including her husband.
Add to the mix that women roundly condemn men on a routine basis, that men are constantly bashed and made to be the butt end of jokes, and it becomes nearly impossible for many women to arrive at trust in their husbands. After all, the derogatory, pejorative, snide claim is that men only think with their dicks and men are only out for sex.
Want to know something? There are some men that can’t be trusted.
But there are some women that can’t be trusted. Yet as a group, women get a pass on the trust issue, somehow women are painted as faithful, loving, tender, kind, and full of goodness, when the truth is that some women are plain mean and can’t be trusted.
On the other hand, men are treated like politicians: can’t trust a single one of them. Yet, my reader knows, just like I do, that there are some good politicians, but the bad ones -how shall I say this?- muck it up for the good politicians, and bad men muck it up for rest of us men.
All that simply means is that building trust with a woman, let alone two women, is extremely difficult, even when the Divine is guiding the development.
After that, the Divine continued:
he is not there to hurt you,
I will approach this from the negative aspect, and utter the usual immediate response, “Yeah, right!”
It is like it’s impossible for people to reach the conclusion that a man could be drawn to take care of multiple women and not ever hurt them. Yet, a woman can have as many baby daddies as she wants, and no one bats an eye.
Candidly, the hypocrisy and duplicity that I have found in humanity is appalling, and it sets on both sides of the aisle, men don’t trust women, and women don’t trust men, because of the behavior that is found on both sides of the aisle.
After that, the Divine continued:
or steal love from you,
Again, I will approach this from the negative side, offer a typical response, then give my thoughts.
In response to the statement, the general response is: “You’ve got to be shitting me?!”
Why? I offer an explanation.
The Western Culture, and it is the culture, teaches romanticism: each person is going to find their one true love, and that love will never die. It’s shared throughout countless romantic stories and some fairytales.
Why? Idealism. The ideal is to find the one, your one true mate.
Guess what? That idealism fails all over the place. It’s called a breakup when it is a boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s called divorce when it is a husband/wife. But as long as it remains monogamous, then the idealism lives on.
It’s poppycock. But few are going to believe me, especially Christians, who are the most adamant about monogamy-only marriages. Most Christians fail to understand and/or accept that God never condemned polygyny, so the ideal of monogamy is promoted to the detriment of men and women. Thus discord and distrust are sown and few get past those things, and they can’t accept that a man could love two women and not actually be stealing anything from either.
With that in mind, consider how the Divine continued:
this is complex and simple,
The anti-polygynous will not accept that, for with them there is only one simplicity: monogamy-only. Thus they never accept that love is a complex entity.
That is why I have seen monogamous families destroy their very own family by not accepting the complexity of love. Instead, they make it simple – they play favorites, mostly observed in having a favorite child.
That fails the complexity of love. Why? Because each child needs to be loved for who they are as an individual.
Perhaps that complexity is why some parents choose to have only one child, that way they can dote all their affections on the one. I personally cannot condemn them for their choice, because it is their choice, and they are free to make it. But one is also able to observe the outcome for many individuals who were the only child.
In that vein, one can also observe the outcome when parents have multiple children, but each parent has their favorite child.
On the other hand, one can observe the outcome when parents interact and treat each child with love each child needs.
The healthiest environment is where each child receives the love that they need. Why? Because they are unique individuals, requiring that their parents be aware of their needs.
But in essence, when parents show no partiality amongst their children, the parents have successfully applied the next thing the Divine conveyed:
let love rule, let love guide, in love there is no jealousies,
That means that each parent allows the concept of love -loving their children- to guide how they approach the needs for each child, even when the needs are so different from another’s needs that they look as if they come from different families. Done properly though, through love, it develops what the Divine conveyed: no jealousies.
Now some Bible students will immediately turn to the statement that God is a jealous God, and that spouses are allowed to be jealous, meaning protective of their relationship.
My response: Duh! That is correct, but that is not the jealousy that the Divine was conveying.
In fact, when I arrive at the relationship with my two ladies, I will guard our relationship as jealously as I guard my relationship with Mary. Furthermore, I expect nothing less than the same from Mary (Esther) and Rachel. In essence, jealously protecting a jealousy-free relationship.
Why? Consider how the Divine continued:
she’s for him, he’s for her, you’re for him, he’s for you, you’re for her, she’s for you.
In essence: one for all, all for one.
But before the Divine was finished, there was more for Mary. The Divine continued:
Now, my daughter, I love you,
The Divine gave her reassurance, which is needful, because this direction of our life has not been the easiest to accept or adjust to, for either of us. The Divine continued.
your tears will be minor and few,
I will give some attention here. Why? Because some think that tears would indicate that the relationship of a husband having two wives is inherently wrong.
What would be the response if a monogamous wife-to-be was told by her father-in-the-flesh, “your tears will be minor and few”?
Would that be an encouragement? Would that be a discouragement?
I dare say that most would take that statement as an encouragement.
But take a good look at monogamy, because there is no relationship in this life that doesn’t create tears at some point.
Work? Tears. Hobby? Tears. Education? Tears. But there are tears in the Parent/Child relationship just as there are tears in the Husband/Wife relationship, even the Divine/Human relationship has its tears.
So what was the Divine conveying? Consider how the Divine continued:
for the hardest is done,
What does the Divine mean by that? The Divine conveyed:
you’ve already accepted her into your heart,
That expresses that the hardest thing for Mary was making the move into accepting the relationship, which includes Mary accepting Rachel into Mary’s own heart, her own being.
What does that mean? Mary had to accept the change.
Now, I am not so arrogant to think that wasn’t difficult. It was. But as I have conveyed in several places throughout “My Story” I did not compel or force Mary to do that.
Mary prayed. Mary spent time in reflection. Mary spent time in Bible Study. Mary spent time contemplating, reflecting. Through her own efforts of prayerfully considering things, she accepted this change into her heart, her life.
To parallel the concept, consider a woman who has not wanted to have children but then accepts in her heart that she wants children. That simply means that once a woman has accepted something in her heart, a woman does not back away from what she has accepted.
If I can be so bold, that distinction is one of the major things that separates men from women, because most men do not process things down on a heart level.
But because Mary had accepted it within her heart, the Divine conveyed:
learning to live with her is your next step, and it will be and will not be easy,
How? I am not exactly certain.
But the Divine continued:
you two are a lot alike, yet different, strong yet weak, noble yet brave, see the good in her and she’ll see the good in you.
If I express more, it feels I will diminish the value of what was expressed.
After conveying that, the Divine closed out:
I love you my daughter, your husband means well. Love dad.
As for me, I just don’t want to fail Mary or Rachel.
Blessings and Shalom