Reflecting On The Events
As I look back on all of this, my studies, my journey, what has happened, it took some time for it settle into my being.
First and foremost, it seems that many around me simply could not or cannot comprehend why I would do what I did – obtain a legal divorce so I could write a Private Contract.
Personally, as I explain what I have done, currently, I am intrigued by the mixed reactions. But I do think mixed reactions occur, because while the Private Contract is legal, the Private Contract sets outside the typical thing that most people do.
Yet writing a Private Contract, is not only Western anthropological tradition, it is also Biblical historical tradition.
But as people, many (most?) of us are so immersed in our own cultural SCECS that we cannot fathom that there is another way to govern the personal relationship and still maintain personal fidelity and legal accountability.
For me, how history gave our culture the SCECS Accepted Marriage is not as important as the reality that there was a time in which the SCECS Accepted Marriage did not operate as the primary method for governing, defining, developing, and understanding the personal relationship.
But as the SCECS Accepted Marriage became the predominate method for formalizing the personal relationship, the families and entities within SCECS came to have predominate definitional control over the term “husband”, the term “wife”, the term “marriage”, and the term “divorce”.
Additionally, based upon the cultural and social expectations of the families and entities within SCECS, they shaped the development and embodiment of the personal relationship, which influenced perceptions of the accountabilities and responsibilities of the participants in the SCECS Accepted Marriage.
That’s not necessarily detrimental, but it’s not necessarily beneficial.
The current predominate definitions, developments, understandings, and assignments of accountabilities, and responsibilities of the SCECS Accepted Marriage are what they are.
However, what became the predominate constructs of the SCECS Accepted Marriage, are undergoing extensive discussion, re-evaluation, and renegotiation by families and entities within the Culture, the Society, the Electorate, the Church, and the State, which are having visible affects on the definitions, developments, understandings, and assignments of the accountabilities and responsibilities of participants in the SCECS Accepted Marriage.
Importantly, not all families and entities within SCECS agree on the definitions, developments, and understandings of “marriage”. But on the Culture, Society, Electorate, Church, and State level all of that is causing many to reconsider the personal relationship.
Personally, for me, at first it was not only difficult to see but also difficult to accept the historical movement away from the Private Contract to the SCECS Accepted Marriage.
Others, long before I was born, set in motion things that would influence and govern the manner in which my personal relationship would unfold.
Yet, at one time, I lived in and upheld the SCECS Accepted Marriage. I believed in it. I promoted it. I taught it. I embodied it. It was who I was with respect to the personal relationship.
Then over the course of the last few years, I came to study, reflect, and learn about the Private Contract as a means of governing my personal relationship.
After considering things, discussing things with Mary, looking at ourselves, our relationship, its successes, its stresses, together -she and I- determined that which was given to us (the SCECS Accepted Marriage) was not actually for us, was not in our benefit, was not for our betterment, and was incapable of helping us resolve our tensions.
In other words, because of what we want from each other and for our personal relationship, we needed a different avenue of governing our personal relationship.
We wanted a means of having direct control over the development, definitions, understandings, and assignments of accountabilities, and responsibilities for each of us within our personal relationship.
And, we wanted to remove the constraints, limitations, and constructs that were placed on our personal relationship by the legal certificate/license of the SCECS Accepted Marriage.
So, am I divorced? Legally, yes.
Yet to the confusion of many, I did not terminate my personal relationship with Mary.
Legally, I am not Mary’s “husband” and Mary is not my “wife”.
Because we are legally “divorced” we are back to being recognized legally as individuals.
As individuals, she and I use a Private Contract to govern our personal relationship, as partners within that Private Contract.