because i get upset because i see a meaningless world (lesson 12), a meaningless world engenders fear.
a meaningless world engenders, causes, generates, fear because it is impossible for the world to be meaningless, therefore meaning has to exist.
if meaninglessness actually exists, then, as a person, i have no meaning, which creates intense anxiety.
if meaning actually exists, then, as a person, i have meaning, which creates a problem, expressed in the next questions.
do i assign meaning to myself (lesson 2)?
am i given meaning by something else?
like am i given meaning by a potential meaninglessness?
am i given meaning by the creator?
am I given meaning by something from part of creation?
that creates tension and potential anxiety for me, because who or what assigns meaning to my person matters to what my life means, because i want, need, my life to have meaning.
so that creates a tension, who assigns me meaning?
yet, i need to accept that meaninglessness is possible, and accept the possibility of meaninglessness without being afraid of meaninglessness.
if i don’t accept that, then i will assign meaning to something, which means that that something actually does not possess the meaning i have assigned, because it has its own meaning, yet i assigned something meaning all in order to avoid my fear of meaninglessness, which means if i have assigned meaning to something then i would have falsely understood what the something was supposed to mean.
so i need to see the world as meaningless in order to realize that meaningless causes fear, in order to feel my own need to assign meaning, and that my own need to assign meaning to something is in competition with meaninglessness assigning meaning, and in competition with the creator assigning meaning, and in competition with creation assigning meaning.
why am i in competition? because meaning has to exist, because meaninglessness is too empty of a meaning and that emptiness creates fear within me.
so, ultimately, who or what assigns meaning? god (creator) or me?
when i am looking at the computer, it is meaningless, and a meaningless world creates fear in me because i think i am in competition with god.
when i am looking at the car, it is meaningless, and a meaningless world creates fear in me because i think i am in competition with god.
when i am looking at the building, it is meaningless, and a meaningless world creates fear in me because i think i am in competition with god.
objects, they are.
objects, having no meaning.
me. god. in competition to assign meaning to meaninglessness.