27. Above all else I want to see.

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above all else i want to see.

some background, learning to see has been an ongoing process for me since about 2002 or so. the process has taken me from one thing to the next, having me “seeing” things with different eyes.

that has been a benefit and a detrement. benefit because my life is better than it was. determent because my life is also worse than what it was.

betterment because in “seeing” i have been led to “see” what was causing me difficulties in my life. detrement because in “seeing” what i have been led to “see” i have lost family and friends along the way.

so there is a truth to this lesson, when on desires to “see” more than one desires anything else, “seeing” will come at cost, but “sight” is not given without the gift of “seeing” which outweights the loss of gaining sight.

yet, i still aim to interact with this lesson as if it is my first time with this concept.

the lesson:
above all else i want to see.

when placed in comparison to anything else (e.g. work, love, family), i want to see what is going on.

that means that when i make the declation that i want to see, i am establishing a list of priorities; which means that in making the determination to see, “sight” becomes my number one item; which means that everything else is secondary, perhaps even tertiary.

with that kind of reality, i might want to hesitate, because of two things.

one, i don’t really know what it means to “see”.

but two, in making the declaration, my work, my job, my life, my love interests, my family, my friends, everything around me and that i am involved in become secondary and tertiary concerns.

knowing that, then i have to make a choice, is “seeing” really what i want?

for me, it was and is still.

therefore, back then it helped that i had the idea the understanding that having “sight” would not cost me anything.

truth is the beauty of being to able “see” does have a cost, but the cost is balanced and even outweighted by sight. therefore, “seeing” is a blessing not a curse.

consider the following:
above all else i want to see the computer.
above all else i want to see the car.
above all else i want to see the building.

above all else i want to “see” the music.
above all else i want to see the ideas.
above all else i want to see the words.

above all else i want to see politics.
above all else i want to see religion.
above all else i want to see money.

things that i have always seen, but not really “seen”.

but to see things, i have to want to see more than anything else.

the big question is: how much of me really wants, more than anything else, to see?

if my answer is:
if everything else is more important than me wanting to see, then i won’t see.

if my answer is:
if everything else is equally important to me wanting to see, then i won’t see.

if my answer is:
if everything else is less important than me wanting to see, then i will begin to see.

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